Cardiopulmonary resuscitation parking ticket citation Waziristan teacup fruitloop Batcake tango tango Oscar bloom.

Continuing on my trend of posting unnecessarily short updates at obscene hours of the night, have a hello.

Hello: ...
Hello: -runs away-

Well damn.

~Mnem

And the incessant ramblings of people when they are thinking sanely...

-- will come to an end in Ferret Gun.

No, we aren't going to stop posting, if that is what you are thinking. No, rather, we are expanding.
Perhaps this will explain it very clearly to you:

Damn straight. Except swords can actually, you know, kill you. (No, please do not dredge up the "guns don't kill people, people kill people" argument - swords have the potential to kill is what I'm saying, although it'd be damn freaky as well as maybe the end of the world if they started hovering around and stabbing people in the gut in a 1-2-3 fashion that would be similar to seppuku or harakiri, etc etc yadda yadda).

Hm, reminds me of a saying. "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." What do you think, actually? Comment if you have an opinion about these two sayings.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" vs. "The pen is mightier than the sword"

Of course, if we think about this relatively, I don't think sticks and stones can compare to a sword. ... well, the similarity is that if you're whacked by any of them, it hurts. It HURTS, dammit.

./looks at the picture again
Not that I would rather be stabbed by a ninja wielding a giant pen. Nope. Ninja ink'd be pretty neat though.
... the unfortunate medical examiner who'd have to examine my body will probably think I was murdered by a squid waving a machete around. How graceless.

Yes, breaking away from that tangent...

Mnem has established a new site which will be known as The Ink Ninjas (click click click!). As aforementioned, we will not be abandoning Ferret Gun, we are just sorting and stuffing things in places. Think of Ferret Gun as a sock drawer getting too full because we crammed it full of socks. Now think of the Ink Ninjas as another sock drawer, empty and unused. We are moving all the striped socks into the Ink Ninjas drawer. Yes? :D

The Ink Ninjas will be home to writing, writing, rants, the occasional word vomit, but mostly? Writing. They can be independent stories, one-shots, chapters of a story you're working on...

The only comments we'll allow for are those pertaining to constructive criticism or positive feedback.
... flames will only burn.

We'll kick your ass if you flame.

Seriously.

It's not nice.

And I don't know why I'm spacing everything out.

But whatever.

Main point? Don't freaking flame. Seriously. Doesn't make anyone happy.

Time to race over now! :D

If you haven't clicked on the link, CLICK ON IT NOW, DAMMIT.

SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS!

-Chronos

Who is that creepy little shinging cat-like onion thing wielding a hammer with a very dreamy, dreamy smile on its/her/his face?

I got bored.

That's basically it. Isn't that enough motivation for anything we do? 8D Well, me, anyway.

In case you did not know, that, quote unquote, "shinging cat-like onion thing wielding a hammer" is known to fans as Onion Head, for both its "awwww so kyoot"ness as well as its uh, cough, violent bad tempered downright sadistic tendencies.

Speaking of which, who do you think would win?

Honestly, I'd rather just not meet either of them.  

Edit: Mnem's IMHO
"I think the "Run along and die now" bunny [would win], because the onion cat was idiot enough to get itself captured."

Touché, Mnem. Touché. GAWR HOW DO YOU ADD ACCENTS ON THIS THING?  Googling "e accent aigu" + copypasta is how you add accents on this thing, my dear. --Mnem

There you go. So, lil' Onion Head will be greeting you every day now until either Chronos or Mnem get sick of it/her/him lagging the Ferret Gun page, so deal with it. 8D

-Chronos

I'm Only Posting Now...

Because I can? And I need a distraction from studying for my math exam. Well, I could always talk to the eternally procrastinating Mnem. Nahjk. :P

Since I haven't written for quite a while, and as Mnem accurately pointed out to me that --

"Dude. The last 10 posts have all been mine. That is sad."

-- therefore, I will randomly give you an ETA on when we can start posting again: that's if you still care WHY WHAT AM I SAYING? ALL OF YOU LOVE FERRET GUN, RIGHT?!

Yes, the word love, as antsy as I am about using it, gets a bold and italic.
Consequently, as I LOVE to believe people like reading this rapidly dying Ferret Gun, I'm going to tell you about our exams. Mnem is open to snarky edits. 

English: ./points HOMG!

HOLY SHIT IT'S EDWARD THE "SPARKLY SPARKLER" PEDOPHILE! Huhu I have a feeling this impromptu nickname will stick in the future...
I did not spend any time looking for this picture. Not at all. I didn't even type "Twilight Vampire Sparkle" into Google. 
Although, this basically does sum it up:

I don't even know this guy. What a philosopher!

I would have went for a "WTF" myself, but ah, it's cool. Someone in the English department had the nerve to pick a passage out of New Moon to analyze. I'm not hating on the book anything, it was the movie that ruined it for me. That, and it's "in" to bash Twilight at any chance you get.

Modern History: General Penis, our lovely history teacher, has the misfortune to teach a class in which an outline of a country turns into "Is that a penis?", in which looking at a painting of Napoleon and his holy shit tight tights equally as lovely white pants and stockings someone commented "I can see his junk", in which there's a beautiful painting of "The Creation of Man" on a calender hanging in plain view of the entire class with Adam's 'thing' which has "made men sad for centuries". Well, it didn't help that he was joining in. Not that he was cracking any perverted jokes, thank God, except for that one time where someone commented "[General Penis] and his penises" and he responded by slowly covering his-- OKAY LET'S NOT GO THERE -- with the review packet for the exam.
We do learn things, we really do.
... really.

AND BEHOLD THE NAPOLEON JUNK. Well, I'm not going to circle it. No, it isn't his head. No, this isn't the actual painting. Someone Photoshopped the head, but it is otherwise intact.

IT'S UP CLOSE TOO! ... and as far as I can tell, this has been Photoshopped too. :D Not the vital "part", but the part where God is kind of poking Adam in the eye with a twig?

 This exam had an endearing, adorable little touch to it though - question 41, the bonus question, the epitome of important, important questions...

Q.41: Which high school history teacher in our school is the most handsome?
              a) General Penis,
              b) The-Teacher-That-Accidentally-Found-A-Porn-Site-When-
                  Trying-To-Look-Up-Tiannamen-Up-On-The-Projector-In-
                   Front-Of-His-Class ("accidentally", they all say),
              c) all of the above,
              d) none of the above.
Let's leave my answer to your imagination, shall we?

The Modern Languages: A name given to the truly fitting low standard language courses in international schools. Not to be a douche or anything, but truly, a French grade schooler could pwn Mnem in French (and she's in one of the highest possible classes that she's able to atm!), and a Chinese kindergarten kid could pwn my ass and feed little bits of me to the sharks with their Mandarin skills. Well, I had two exams in a row, one for Mandarin in the morning and one for Bahasa right after because it's a required course for graduation blah blah blah oh look I've started again.

No, this has nothing to do with Modern Languages. Just thought it was cute. AW WHALE EATING PERSON HEAD. :D

Chemistry: Nothing much to say except I came in... about 6 hours before the exam I was supposed to take? I needed to "study", after all no nonononononono I need social interaction halp halp HALP!!!!onewan111111o!1jO!!!1! Did you know? Saying "I want to do pharmaceuticals" in university can be misconstrued. ... there's a reason why 'in university' ain't in quotes, y'know?

Biology: Over to you, Mnem. 

              I drew the life of a vesicle in graphic novel format, and
              things just went downhill from there.

Advanced Algebra and Trigonometry: An intimidating class name that is as intimidating as it sounds I don't know what the fuck I'm doing halp halp halp shit I have the exam tomorrow raaaaaaaaaaah!

Screw logs.
Don't quote me out of context.
./goes into epileptic fits of misery and desperation but mostly procrastination  THE PROCRASTIREAPER 2000 HAS GOTTEN ME NOW. AAAAAARGH! Don't ask me why people in my imagination have the time and sadness to invent a Grim Reaper for procrastination.
Well, time for review.
./gloom

-Chronos "NO LEMME GO WAIIIIIII !!!!!WANONE!!!!11111!!!ON!EO!!!

P.S. Wtf?

Internet Browser Mashing

The ultimate equation regarding the use of internet browsers. Well, more like an inequality, but let us not go into technicalities, shall we?

Firefox + Google Chrome > Chicken Wings > Cheese > Flying Pigs > Knee High Socks > Dying in A Hole > Napoleon > Crap > Everything Else > Internet Explorer

I'll expand once I think of more *relevant* comparisons to use.
A certain cynical non-believer has finally risen from the darkness! Well, minus the fact that McAfee isn't automatically applicable in Google Chrome for some reason.

Yaah. Hi, I'm back. Been busy. I'll end the post now because I think the bell's going to ring soon (for school).
Will *add more substance* because I think Mnem will kill me for such a short return post. 

-Chronos

H-H-H-H-H-HOLY HELL!

... is an oxymoron.

Mnem, put the rifle down...

WE ALL LOVE THE LETTER 'H', don't we?

Horse, happy, hippopotamus, hippies, hip-hip-hooray, hell, heaven, hedgehog...

WE LOVE HEDGEHOGS TOO.

Eusebia's birthday is tomorrow, so all of our friends decided to pitch in and make a few letters that spelling out "H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y * * * * * ".

Yaa. I give you one sample. But that's only because it's the best one. (ALL THE OTHERS SUCK).

 

DID I MENTION I LOVE CRAFT PUNCHERS? 

On a saner note (yes, I am aware my FG posts have gradually gotten crazier), for a very fun, fun English assignment (for once), we have to rewrite Rumpelstiltskin in either a teen angst or letter / epistolary genre.

Since I like the LJ formatting for reading things, you may find HELL a link back there.

Nah, not really. 

-Chronos

Y not?

Mad: -slaps Mnem for the lame pun-

Jeez, sorry.

Our dear friend Eusebia is having her birthday tomorrow, and we've all ganged up to make a sort of shambly, highly individualized collage for her, consisting of a large hand-drawn mishmash of A4-sized letters that will somehow hopefully maybe perhaps WHO AM I KIDDING -bursts into tears- form the words HAPPY BIRTHDAY [EUSEBIA] in an easily tacked-up-on-the-rafters format. Cool yeh? Anyhoo, we all pulled our choice of dipthongs and I got the 'Y's (because, you know, they're a stick on a stick, how hard can it be? --I can tell you, plenty hard) and, because I am unpredictable and rambly and given to poking FerretGun with the Big Stick Of Excessively Wordy And/Or Otherwise Unnecessary Posts every once in a while, I figured you lot ("Welcome to FerretGun! Total Population: 0.4 because everyone ran away after we, uh, cut that one guy in half--and of course he got slightly moldy and bits started falling off") wouldn't mind seeing my lovely artwork either.

GAHAHAHA WHO AM I KIDDING?! Eheh, picspam followeth. If this were LJ I'd put it under a cut (I'd have to; isn't there a law that mandates this somewhere, for the safety of the casual browser?) but, since this is Blogger and the cuts are infinitely less awesome, you get them chucked at you no matter whether you want them or not. -depraved grin-

Oh, I'm such a nice little girl.

I hereby dub thee "Gothic Y".

EDIT: Maybe "Peacock Y" would be more appropriate?

And you shall be my "Collage Y" and you shall be mine, and you shall be my "Collage Y"!

... no, I ain't usually like this, but working with oil pastels has a bit of a giddying effect on me. Quite similar to the Crayon Effect sometimes observed in overstressed highschoolers. Present anybody over the age of fourteen with a pack of crayons and a clean sheet of paper and boom, you've got yourself an artistic manic-depressive right there. Fun stuff.

~Mnemosyne

LOOK! LOOK OVER HERE!

... what? Why are you looking in this direction?

There's nothing to see here. Shoo, shoo shoo.

Fwahahaha, with this, we only have 5 posts left to write--

YOU

SAW

NOTHING.

THIS

IS

ABSOLUTELY

NOT,

IN

ESSENCE,

A

STALL

POST.

STALL POST?! WHERE?!

-Chronos

Happy 5th Month Anniversary, Ferret Gun!

./wanders in

So sorry I haven't been around.

Says it all, really.

But as compensation for leaving this blog to dry like a hanging sardine, here is a treat.

Hopefully it'll amuse you for a few days.

WE ARE STILL ON EMOTICON STRIKE. 
We also have some fried smileyface. Would you like to try some?  

-Chronos

"I have been busy", says Chronos. "BULLSHIT!", yells Mnem.

Since I have nothing better to do, I might as well.

No, I haven't been avoiding you. 's just that writer's blocks keep slamming down in front of me--

CRASH

...well, this time it landed on me. No worries, Mad will come back with a spatula soon enough.

-Chronos "I REALLY can't think of anything. Lol @ 131 posts for Mnem, 103 posts for Chronos."

Post Written Out of Desperation

We've had many moments where posts were written out of desperation.

Of course, we didn't bluntly name them "Post Written Out of Desperation," so HA, we still have somewhat unique title names!

-dons lifejacket- -jumps into a nearby body of water conveniently placed next to her in the Metaphorical Realm- Right, so... -bobs for a few moments-

... can't talk properly when I'm bobbing up and down like a buoy. -bobs-

Wow. This was written a while ago.

I'll just post it now to spare me the pain of seeing an unfinished draft. I'll add more when I feel like it.

./shoots Mnem a look
I wonder how many unfinished drafts lie around unfinished, eh?


-Chronos

Give me a T... give me an I... give me an R... give me an E... give me a D... zzz

Well.

It's 2:48 in the morning and I really shouldn't be up right now.

Chronos, I think, went to the bathroom to wash her face and passed out on the towel rack. I do hope she's alright. Aluminium piping doesn't make for a fabulous night's rest.

All ha-ha aside, I'm basically still up because I had an unholy amount of essay to write for English... that is due on at 11:00 tomorrow.

I'm not done yet. Boo. Still an intro, a conclusion, and various bits of the body paragraphs left to go. Wilfred Owen, if it weren't for the fact that you're a genuinely gifted poet and you lived an admirably hardscrabble life (and you've been dead for ninety-odd years) I'd stick you right now, and not with a kitchen knife neither. -dark look- Death by straws... sounds painful, eh?

I'm sorry, I'm not making sense anymore.

There'll be a sleepover tomorrow and Chronos and I are looking forward to being high together and trashing the place and eating junk food and staying up late watching questionable comedies. :D Nothing like a friend to get wasted with.

Unfortunately it also means I'm neglecting all my homework until Sunday afternoon. That's sort of why we haven't been posting recently. Too much bullsh many things to do.

What do I have due again?--oh, right. Fill in a worksheet on the computer for Biology, finish my notes and email them to a compatriot for Health, submit the essay to Turnitin.com and complete two peer-review assignments and one self-reflection for English, select and draft my 7x7 poetry project for Creative Writing, hunt down a book and answer two questions for French, and make up some missed Math work.

Joy of fricking joys. No, I'm not coming to the Games tomorrow, why do you ask?

-yawns-

I think I'll go sleep now.

Excessive page breaks FTW.

~Mnemosynapwoeiap esssssssssssssssssssas;;;;;;;''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

...

-camera slowly approaches from behind Chronos-

Closer...

Closer..

Almost there...

-Chronos whips around-

-camera freezes-

-Chronos stares-

-camera zooms in on Chronos' bloodshot eyes-

-Chronos turns back around and slumps on the table-

...

And so, that concludes the 1 minute excerpt - The Chronos that Could Not Sleep.


-Chronos

Burninating penguins! or, Mnem's triumphant return from the Land of the Moderately Unwell

Not in this update: crossed out stuffs. Lots and lots of crossed out stuffs.

Hell is gone and heaven's here, with silly music memes galore

Another funny little meme where all you need is a working copy of iTunes. Set it on shuffle and write down the first lyrics of the first twenty songs. This is what your poem is made up out of. The twenty-first first lyric (no, that wasn't redundant) becomes your title. My example:

Hell is gone and heaven's here

Me no bubbletious
Sands and gears, oh, how the daisies bloom
Do you remember when we didn't care?
Hey there baby, make up your mind
I wish I could cross my arms
Skylark
This is a tale that takes its place in Paris fair, this year of grace
The buttons on my phone are worn thin
Guess this means you're sorry
Tafari tries to get a job
Drew looks at me
Back me down from backing up
I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain
Step one, you say "We need to talk"
Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah
Things are looking up, oh, finally
You used to talk to me like I was the only one around
Sure you ride the finest horse I've ever seen
One, two, three
We were both young when I first saw you

Lyrics pulled from

"Let Me Entertain You", Robbie Williams

"Kids", Robbie Williams & Kylie Minogue
"Umbrella Beach", Owl City
"Another Heart Calls," All-American Rejects
"Now Or Never", Lisa Ekdahl
"Tidal Wave", Owl City
"Skylark", Monica Mancini
"The Age Of The Cathedrals", Bruno Pelletier
"Why", Secondhand Serenade
"My Life Would Suck Without You", Kelly Clarkson
"Proud To Be A Dread", Des'ree
"Teardrops On My Guitar", Taylor Swift
"Straightjacket Feeling", All-American Rejects
"Home", Daughtry
"How To Save A Life", The Fray
"Handel: Messiah, HWV 56 - Hallelujah Chorus", Karl Richter: London Philharmonic Orchestra, John Alldis Choir
"Looking Up", Paramore
"Used To", Daughtry
"Ride On", Christy Moore
"Summerboy", Lady Gaga
"Love Story", Taylor Swift

The scary thing is that it's not a halfway bad poem. Methinks I have stumbled on a new way of acing Creative Writing assignments... >:D

~Mnem

Wewt.

In the fastest spree of GIMPage yet recorded, Mnem has managed to churn out a little piccy in just under three hours! Hooray for Mnem! ... and will somebody please unplug the laptop, she's fallen asleep on the keyboard again.

Fun stuff.

~Mnem- "zzz" -osyne

Another List of Epic Retardation Under the IQ of 70

@ Mnem: WHAT? YOU TOLD ME TO WRITE SOMETHING. I WROTE SOMETHING.

That aside. I had a brain slug attached to my brain, like so.

Of course, the ever reliable husband and wife team, Mad and Omu, banded together to blast it off with a particle cannon. Took a large chunk of my skull with it. Needed a while to regenerate.
Okay. List, list, list. The Kraken (whom you will neeeeever know...) assigned a special, mandatory, vital, important mission - ... TO FIND ALL THE SPORTS THAT WOULD BE DISASTROUS IF SYNCHRONIZED.  Chronos is back, baby! :D
Note: I will not explain how they are funny nor provide pictures (unless informational). You must use your...
IMAGINATION
like Spongebob.

DEAR GOD I'VE PLAYED THE SPONGEBOB CARD. PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS TIME LEFT TO SALVAGE THE REMAINING CHILDREN.

1. Dwarf Throwing
DO NOT EVEN ASK. Not a fake article, for your information. Apparently people still do it. The UN Commission of Human Rights supposedly ruled that this wasn't discriminatory against... well, dwarfs.

 2. Camel Racing

Well, if there's dog racing and horse racing, why not throw in a camel?

 3. Sumo Wrestling
YES, I'M QUITE SURE THIS IS SELF-EXPLANATORY.

4. Unicycle Trials
Ride on a unicycle over obstacles without any part of your body touching the ground, like so. Pretty extreme. One person falls, they all fall.

5. Bungee Jumping
Do a few fish impressions with a zoomed camera and you're a winner... plus the next celebrity of YouTube.

 6. Zorbing
"Help! I'm a human in what appears to be a giant inflatable ball that strangely looks like a golf ball!" That scream hamster to you? Do a few tumbles and you've got the job.

7.  Sport Fishing
My my, what would happen if that hook went into someone else's lip...? 
... Denny Crane. He's holding a shotgun and a.... well, guess what's in his other hand. This is why you don't let the wealthy get competitive.

8. American Football
Would not want to get caught in that. Add some arm swinging motions. Smile for the camera!

9. ANY P v. P game on a board.
No. Just... no. You would never get anywhere, first of all. Secondly...well, there isn't a secondly.

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

10. I give you a picture, for you will know right away.

KEEP IT UP, LADIES! 

-Chronos

Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But you forgot a label and I saw rainbow potential in one of your words, sooooo... :D

CHRONOS' EPIC RETURN POST.

...
-crawls in-
-sits on a conveniently provided sofa-
-zones out-

I gots a tablet and HI-CHEW candy.

-Chronos

Introducing spawn

Must ... keep ... blog ... afloat ...

Well now, what can I rant about here? I could treat you to a scholarly discussion on the merits of various Sims 2 custom content downloads, but that'd bore the socks off you, especially if you don't play the game. (Ha. Made you think it.) I could rave about homework, but I'm not staying up this late just to embark on another obscenity-laced hemorrhage of eloquent spite. I could bitch and moan about how I've been sleeping five-hour nights all week (save for Thursday, when I told myself I'd just lie down on my bed for a bit to text somebody and woke up two hours later), except it's currently 11:45 PM on a lazy Friday night. So what could I do? Well, for starters, I could clip my nails. Comb the hair out of my eyes. Blow some dust off the computer. I could redesign the Sistine Chapel and get around to learning how to knit. I could study Norwegian and repaint my bedside table and organize a whale-watching excursion and play with Madge (Mad and Omu's adopted daughter; short for Madomu, which is in turn a contraction of Nomadeous Omu + whatever avian last name they have drawn up). Speaking of Madge, what exactly is she? Chronos seems to think she's a penguin. She looks more like a scrawny little kid in a penguin costume to me. -scrutinizes closely-

Yeah, them's fingers all right. -Madge hisses- Easy now.

-Omu stalks past-

Lovely child.

-Mad waddles past-

Absolutely adorable.

-Eli scurries past-

QUICK, HELP ME KNOCK IT OUT AND BAG IT

-Mad and Omu stick their heads around the corner-

... some groceries, because we're running out, and I wouldn't want our little obviously penguin princess to go hungry.

-bird heads slowly retract-

That was close. -eyes Madge, who has crawled off to safety-

But tomorrow is another day. -glints dangerously-

~Mnemosyne

Friday's child is loving and giving messed up

Bad Friday. Very bad Friday. You gave me homework from three out of four classes today! You gave Eusebia a stain on her white skirt and a bad grade on her Bio test and made her cry! You made me leave my French packet at home on the one day that we needed it! You made Chronos sick! You gave her a Chemistry test! You gave us both a math test and you broke my pencil! Bad Friday. Bad!

-Friday bursts into tears-

Oh--oh. I didn't mean that. Not really. Not all of it. I mean... it all happened, yes, but Friday, you weren't that bad. You gave me an early exit from Math because I finished the test quickly. You gave me the chance to pick Atlas' jacket pocket without him noticing. You gave me a hilarious Modern History class full of pizza and "are those two guys making out?" and manly defects and "you must have balls of steel". (That last one from the teacher and none too admiringly either.) You gave me two minutes to improvise a poem that ended up earning me a little respect from the class. You gave me a lovely talk with my mentor. And you gave us the end of the week--you gave us the weekend, you gave us freedom, you gave us the ability to forget about homework and grades and drama and just sink into a blissful weekend reverie. You gave me a lot. You took a lot from me too, but you gave back equally, Friday, and that's what counts. That's why everyone loves you. Don't cry anymore.

... Jesus, now I feel bad about hurting a personification's feelings. I-It's nothing... just have some dust in my eyes... -blinks painfully-

What are you staring at? Shoo now. Off with your head. Go seize the day ... or something else. You know what they say: "Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia and cerebellum"--when you have their full attention, their hearts and minds will follow. Always found that bit of advice quite sound. -winks-

So go snatch some ba--snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and make it a better weekend than Chronos is having right now.

~Mnemosyne