Long-awaited update of the frankly overused "look Ma, still breathing!" flavour

Well.

It seems Chronos has a knack for precognition that she has failed to tell me about.

Y'see, when she appended a disclaimer to the statement that "the incessant ramblings of people when they are thinking sanely [...] will come to an end in Ferret Gun", she was referencing a frame of life far beyond that which mere mortals can contemplate. Damn girl was seeing into the damn future and she damn well didn't know it at the time (what? I'm overusing the word "damn"? DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN I can't hear you). Sure she thought she was talking about Ink Ninjas, but it turned out to be far truer than either of us could imagine. And of course it is I who brings yon splendid bit of irony to the notice of the largely unruffled world, though this should by all rights be her post. Meh. That's Chronos for you.

So yeah, 's all I have to say for now. Consider this your standard low-grade hark-the-guilty-conscience-speaks "We're not dead yet" post. Unfortunately, if unspeakable horrors things continue to swamp us unforgivingly as they have since we returned to school eleventy centuries ago, we will effectively remain in this "not dead yet" state until the next long weekend--Chinese New Year, baby!--or, you know, until one of us notices the blog languishing in its seventeen-foot drifts of dust and goads the other into a nice clean rant yet again. Mm. That too.

I'm sorry, it's 10:57 at night and I've been slaving away on a Biology lab report since seven. Everything looks like aortas now. @_@

~Mnem

Huhwaitwhat? Vol V: Instant Messenger Of Doom - November edition

Yeah, we've hit the doldrums again.

Who is that creepy little shinging cat-like onion thing wielding a hammer with a very dreamy, dreamy smile on its/her/his face?

I got bored.

That's basically it. Isn't that enough motivation for anything we do? 8D Well, me, anyway.

In case you did not know, that, quote unquote, "shinging cat-like onion thing wielding a hammer" is known to fans as Onion Head, for both its "awwww so kyoot"ness as well as its uh, cough, violent bad tempered downright sadistic tendencies.

Speaking of which, who do you think would win?

Honestly, I'd rather just not meet either of them.  

Edit: Mnem's IMHO
"I think the "Run along and die now" bunny [would win], because the onion cat was idiot enough to get itself captured."

Touché, Mnem. Touché. GAWR HOW DO YOU ADD ACCENTS ON THIS THING?  Googling "e accent aigu" + copypasta is how you add accents on this thing, my dear. --Mnem

There you go. So, lil' Onion Head will be greeting you every day now until either Chronos or Mnem get sick of it/her/him lagging the Ferret Gun page, so deal with it. 8D

-Chronos

Lame joke is lame (but at least it fills the quota)

Q: Which three English football teams have obscenities in their names?
A: Arsenal, Scunthorpe, and Manchester Fucking United.

~Mnem

And suddenly, it roars back into life! Loljk, FG's still dead. Pass the eye of newt and the defibrillators and we'll fix that, though

LEAH: You should look at adoption ads. I see them all the time in the PennySaver.
JUNO: They have ads for parents?
LEAH: Yeah! "Desperately Seeking Spawn." Right next to, like, terriers and iguanas and used fitness equipment and stuff.

Hehe, Juno. -adds to list of Movies Chronos Must Be Made To Watch By Force If Necessary- It ain't an awful long list, though, since I'm usually the one with the pushy well-cultured friends who find my utter lack of an education in good taste somewhat downright appalling and a little exceedingly unladylike. Well boo hoo to you too. Scout Finch wasn't no lady neither and she's a gawdam goldarn goshdang [Ed. If you must swear, at least swear properly] literary icon for it. -wrinkles nose-

That aside, how are things going? It's been a while since we've posted--nearly a week, actually--well, six days since I last wrote and e-l-e-v-e-n days since that other random girl who runs this ship dragged her exam-ridden arse to a keyboard and feathered off a funny little suicide note about term assessments. One that I have neglected to update in regards to Biology Also, ~*~*~Edward Cullen~*~*~.

Fk you Chronos. Fk youuu. Mostly for the eyeslappingly flamboyant glitterification, but also because you hotlinked the original image and rehosting the thing on Tinypic requires that a copy of the picture in question be uploaded from a computer to the website itself. So I actually had to have Mr ~*~*~Edward Cullen~*~*~, Sparkleface Twithead Extraordinaire, on my hard drive. -sob sob sob- NO AMOUNT OF ANTIVIRUS WILL GET RID OF THE SHAME. NONE. SO THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR THAT.
AND NOW I WILL GO CRY IN THE CORNER ALL BY MYSELF, IF YOU DON'T MIND.

Mad: -head whips around-
Mad: -SHING-

...or maybe I'll just shelve the pain and continue with updating the blog.

Mad: -head retracts, disappointed-

Well, while I'm sure that some of the fine readers of this equally fine periodical exploded from the perceived testosterone in that picture, it seems far more likely that a substantially greater percentage of the audience quite frankly imploded from the total and utter lack of any such chemical compounds present in the person of ~*~*~Edward Cullen~*~*~. Think of it as a testosterone vacuum--not the hoovering things but the voids. Actually, think of space. Lack of testosterone. Lack of air. Lack of anything. ~*~*~Edward Cullen~*~*~ (and yes this is getting tiring) is outer space: cold, dead, and something that should be stayed away from until further notice. (Take that, Twihards!)

... huh, I've spent the better part of half an hour on my back with the laptop tucked up on my abdomen typing and then deleting snark against an imaginary vampire. (Yeah, I binned one paragraph about the ethics of the situation since I figured that me... talking about ethics... um... not quite appropriate, shall we say.) The pillow ends an inch below my shoulder blades and my neck is pressed hard up against the headboard of the bed and it will hurt like hell quite soon (I predict) and the warm heat of the motherboard whistling along belies the staggering doses of radiation which are apparently boring straight into my innards and frying all the little cells into a state of perfect non-vitality. So yes, I am destroying my ovaries and setting the scene for the biggest goddamn neck crick in the past half-century because I just love you that much. Enjoy it. Bask in the adoration. Feel the warm glow of appreciation bathing every inch of you from head to toe and back again. Happy? Yes? Good. Now get me an ice cream and take out ~*~*~Edward Cullen~*~*~ with a sub-machinegun or I sic seventeen penguins on you and Lord knows that won't be pretty for anyone involved.

~Mnem

Madcap screencap adventures! or, If a picture is worth a thousand words, then I just won out on War and Peace

In this update: screenshots. Lots of 'em.

Chronos likes cuts. Totally not awkward

~Mnem

[And so beginneth my policy of cross-posting everything I write from FG Posterous to FG Blogger, simply because I'm stubborn and loyal and constantly trying to one-up Chronos. Psych.]

Internet Browser Mashing

The ultimate equation regarding the use of internet browsers. Well, more like an inequality, but let us not go into technicalities, shall we?

Firefox + Google Chrome > Chicken Wings > Cheese > Flying Pigs > Knee High Socks > Dying in A Hole > Napoleon > Crap > Everything Else > Internet Explorer

I'll expand once I think of more *relevant* comparisons to use.
A certain cynical non-believer has finally risen from the darkness! Well, minus the fact that McAfee isn't automatically applicable in Google Chrome for some reason.

Yaah. Hi, I'm back. Been busy. I'll end the post now because I think the bell's going to ring soon (for school).
Will *add more substance* because I think Mnem will kill me for such a short return post. 

-Chronos

Commence Operation Meme!

Because I am sad and need a life and want to keep this thing alive without getting my hands too, too dirty. This is basically just a variation on the ever-popular iPod quiz game (pose a question and hit fast-forward in shuffle mode to get a nonsensical song-title-as-answer). More fun than it looks.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "ARE YOU OKAY" WHAT DO YOU SAY?
Ready -- Kelly Clarkson

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Welcome To Mystery -- Plain White T's

 (Mwahahahaha.)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
This Is Our Town -- We The Kings

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Always Running Out Of Time -- Motion City Soundtrack

(True.)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Don't Stop Me Now -- Queen

(Outta my way!)

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
The Birds They Put In Cages -- Tina Arena and Garou

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
She Had The World -- Panic! At The Disco

(Wondering if I should feel

threatened, flattered, or sad.)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Night Drive -- The All-American Rejects

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
She Is -- The Fray

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Easy Tonight -- Five For Fighting

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Laziest Girl In Town -- Lisa Ekdahl

(Chronos: -enters room-

Mnem: -swivels-

Mnem: -SHING-

Chronos: o_O)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Real World -- The All-American Rejects

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
One Day -- Trading Yesterday

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Alright -- Five For Fighting

(Hehe.)

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Somebody Told Me -- The Killers

(YES.)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?-
Why Worry -- The All-American Rejects

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Leave Out All The Rest -- Linkin Park

(Ostracizing people is a skill.)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Pressure -- Paramore

(Not my biggest, but it's on the list.)

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Beautiful -- Trading Yesterday

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Like A Song -- Lenka

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Borodin: Prince Igor - Polovtsian Dances -- Neeme Järvi: Gothenburg Symphony Orchestra

(Fate is trying to tell me something.

If only I knew what...)

~Mnemosyne

Y not?

Mad: -slaps Mnem for the lame pun-

Jeez, sorry.

Our dear friend Eusebia is having her birthday tomorrow, and we've all ganged up to make a sort of shambly, highly individualized collage for her, consisting of a large hand-drawn mishmash of A4-sized letters that will somehow hopefully maybe perhaps WHO AM I KIDDING -bursts into tears- form the words HAPPY BIRTHDAY [EUSEBIA] in an easily tacked-up-on-the-rafters format. Cool yeh? Anyhoo, we all pulled our choice of dipthongs and I got the 'Y's (because, you know, they're a stick on a stick, how hard can it be? --I can tell you, plenty hard) and, because I am unpredictable and rambly and given to poking FerretGun with the Big Stick Of Excessively Wordy And/Or Otherwise Unnecessary Posts every once in a while, I figured you lot ("Welcome to FerretGun! Total Population: 0.4 because everyone ran away after we, uh, cut that one guy in half--and of course he got slightly moldy and bits started falling off") wouldn't mind seeing my lovely artwork either.

GAHAHAHA WHO AM I KIDDING?! Eheh, picspam followeth. If this were LJ I'd put it under a cut (I'd have to; isn't there a law that mandates this somewhere, for the safety of the casual browser?) but, since this is Blogger and the cuts are infinitely less awesome, you get them chucked at you no matter whether you want them or not. -depraved grin-

Oh, I'm such a nice little girl.

I hereby dub thee "Gothic Y".

EDIT: Maybe "Peacock Y" would be more appropriate?

And you shall be my "Collage Y" and you shall be mine, and you shall be my "Collage Y"!

... no, I ain't usually like this, but working with oil pastels has a bit of a giddying effect on me. Quite similar to the Crayon Effect sometimes observed in overstressed highschoolers. Present anybody over the age of fourteen with a pack of crayons and a clean sheet of paper and boom, you've got yourself an artistic manic-depressive right there. Fun stuff.

~Mnemosyne

D'AWWWWWWW.

LOOKIE HERE MNEM, LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

Slightly terrifying, but perhaps something Mnem would like.

I HEREBY DUB THIS HYBRID CREATURE A ROWL. Or an Owlbit. Eh. Whatever catchy combining of the names grabs your fancy.

-Chronos

LOOK! LOOK OVER HERE!

... what? Why are you looking in this direction?

There's nothing to see here. Shoo, shoo shoo.

Fwahahaha, with this, we only have 5 posts left to write--

YOU

SAW

NOTHING.

THIS

IS

ABSOLUTELY

NOT,

IN

ESSENCE,

A

STALL

POST.

STALL POST?! WHERE?!

-Chronos

Huhwaitwhat? Vol III: Instant Messenger of Doom - March Archives -The Epileptic Inks -

Mnem's head on a stick. [by Chronos]

Chronos' head on a stick. [by Mnemosyne]

The gluestick mascot. [by Chronos]

(Apparently) Chronos in a paper bag. [by Chronos]

(Apparently) Chronos in a paper bag version 2.0. [by Chronos]

Guy with an abnormally large nose looking over a wall. [by Mnemosyne]

Mnemosyne before car accident. [by Chronos]

"Chronos is inside the jail, I am outside it." [by Mnemosyne]

Humpty Dumpty (or some random yellow potato resembling him) on a wall. [by Chronos]

Another rendition of "Who is In the Jail Cell?" [by Chronos]

Yet another rendition of "Who is In the Jail Cell?". [by Mnemosyne]

Mnemosyne in the midst of a rough storm / the blue flames of hell. [by Chronos]

-Chronos

(+ additional formatting by Mnem)

ZOMGFISH.

Look! It's Chronos and Mnem!

(No, seriously, this is us. For real this time.)

Random Bits Of Information That You May Or May Not Have Any Interest Whatsoever In Acquiring That Somehow Pertain To This Picture:

1. The pink creature on Chronos' head would be Chomp, the smiley-defenestrating octopus she cheated out of an arcade claw booth, and I say cheated because arcade claw booths are designed for the very purpose of providing a long-term home to their fuzzy little occupants. You're not actually ever meant to win anything off them... not by legal means at least. -shifty look-
2. I don't actually have pink hair. Nor is it straight. But I do possess that headband (although IRL it has white polkadots on it, because everything is better when it's eyecrunching) and a wig cut in that style, which I wore to school on Thursday in order to commemorate the 28th of October (otherwise known as The One Day You Get To Dress Up In School Because Hallowe'en Has The Nerve To Fall On A Weekend This Year). The look I was going for was Pippi Longstocking, complete with red plaid dress, layers over and under said dress, purple shoes, and long stockings socks (that also had dots!!!!!1!!one!), but somehow everybody kept telling me I was Lady Gaga, or Cyndi Lauper, or Wednesday Addams, or Hit-Girl, or Scout from TKAM, or some songstress from an all-girl K-pop band. (Weird.) I also got an unhealthy amount of comments to the effect of "You'd look nice if you actually styled your hair that way" and an equally objectionable although much more humorous amount of "Why did you dye your hair pink?", to say nothing of the odd joker who strolls past, double-takes, and then says real quietly, "Nice socks." -breathes- Run-ons FTW.
3. These were two separate pictures that I popped into GIMP and traced over by hand. Don't have a tablet (but Chronos does, lucky beggar) so it was all mousework for me. Got the nice smooth final look by running the inked and coloured .png through Inkscape's path tracer, which converts bitmaps (the image format based on pixels which is famous for exploding in high zoom mode) into vectors (the image format based on mathematical formulae which is famous for not exploding in high zoom mode). Because practically nobody and nothing accepts .svg files I screenshotted the final result and tossed it into GIMP once again. Consider it a sort of artistic volleyball, if you will, but if the shoe fits...
4. LOL Chronos looks really Chinese here doesn't she? -grins-
5. Font is Lemons Can Fly. Get it from here, not here, because the .zip from the latter site will throw a hissy fit and demand a password upon extraction.
6. I like the way I drew the hair--for both of them (both of us?). Criticism in this area will be met with tank-crushing. See previous post for the gory details.
7. Holy shet that was a lot of writing.
8. Haha, it's late.
9. We're not really talking about the picture now are we?
10. ... screw that.
11. ~Mnem

Happy 5th Month Anniversary, Ferret Gun!

./wanders in

So sorry I haven't been around.

Says it all, really.

But as compensation for leaving this blog to dry like a hanging sardine, here is a treat.

Hopefully it'll amuse you for a few days.

WE ARE STILL ON EMOTICON STRIKE. 
We also have some fried smileyface. Would you like to try some?  

-Chronos

"I have been busy", says Chronos. "BULLSHIT!", yells Mnem.

Since I have nothing better to do, I might as well.

No, I haven't been avoiding you. 's just that writer's blocks keep slamming down in front of me--

CRASH

...well, this time it landed on me. No worries, Mad will come back with a spatula soon enough.

-Chronos "I REALLY can't think of anything. Lol @ 131 posts for Mnem, 103 posts for Chronos."

I may have got a B in math, but at least I know that 11 < 22

Unlike Chronos, who steadfastly refuses to write anything for FG anymore. If this is a boycott, then she had better hire a more competent PR agent, because I have no idea what point she is trying to prove with this strike. Girl is nuts, IMHO. Although it's not as if you didn't know that. (Overuse of the Link and Font Colour tools FTW. They aren't going to waste themselves, y'know?)

Anyhoo, iz 11:52 at night, I spent half an hour parsing through the blog to find those links (although admittedly twenty of those minutes were spent on that endlessly distracting sinkhole of funny, Very Demotivational) and I am sure as hell too lazy/tired (pick one) to finish this post off on a proper note, so I will leave you with a bunch of witty pictures and let them do the talking.

~Mnemosyne

Moar fun at LJ's expense

I'm enjoying this. Can you tell? -big grin-

~Mnem

Obligatory funny .gif

Because there is not enough joy in this world. Also, dancing Batman.

~Mnem

EDIT: I watched it again with Paramore's "Fences" playing in the background. The effect was akin to divine enlightenment.

Post Written Out of Desperation

We've had many moments where posts were written out of desperation.

Of course, we didn't bluntly name them "Post Written Out of Desperation," so HA, we still have somewhat unique title names!

-dons lifejacket- -jumps into a nearby body of water conveniently placed next to her in the Metaphorical Realm- Right, so... -bobs for a few moments-

... can't talk properly when I'm bobbing up and down like a buoy. -bobs-

Wow. This was written a while ago.

I'll just post it now to spare me the pain of seeing an unfinished draft. I'll add more when I feel like it.

./shoots Mnem a look
I wonder how many unfinished drafts lie around unfinished, eh?


-Chronos