Q: Mommy, are we dead yet? A: Almost, sweetie, almost.

I must say, my favourite lines from Shakespeare's much-parodied loved play Romeo and Juliet has got to be these:

JULIET
Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night
And pay no worship to the garish sun.

Alternative meanings aside, this is--in my humble opinion--one of the most goldarn adorable statements of the entire play...

... unless you're Mad, of course.

'Nuff said.

~Mnem

PS. Why have we not been posting like the pencil-adduced thesaurus-sniffing run-on-sentence-abusing hyphenated coffeemeisters like we are (or used to be)? Quite frankly, my dear, we don't have enough bloody time left for FerretGun in between the demands made by school and homework and more homework and preventing mutual friends from committing suicide by bagel and yet more homework and, y'know, the little expendable things on the side like sleep (such a luxury now) and food (om nom nom). We're sorry. It sounds insincere but we are. And what we are is tired sorry and redundant. Uhh... yeah.

LOOK, A PENGUIN. -books it the hell out of there-

Long-awaited update of the frankly overused "look Ma, still breathing!" flavour

Well.

It seems Chronos has a knack for precognition that she has failed to tell me about.

Y'see, when she appended a disclaimer to the statement that "the incessant ramblings of people when they are thinking sanely [...] will come to an end in Ferret Gun", she was referencing a frame of life far beyond that which mere mortals can contemplate. Damn girl was seeing into the damn future and she damn well didn't know it at the time (what? I'm overusing the word "damn"? DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN I can't hear you). Sure she thought she was talking about Ink Ninjas, but it turned out to be far truer than either of us could imagine. And of course it is I who brings yon splendid bit of irony to the notice of the largely unruffled world, though this should by all rights be her post. Meh. That's Chronos for you.

So yeah, 's all I have to say for now. Consider this your standard low-grade hark-the-guilty-conscience-speaks "We're not dead yet" post. Unfortunately, if unspeakable horrors things continue to swamp us unforgivingly as they have since we returned to school eleventy centuries ago, we will effectively remain in this "not dead yet" state until the next long weekend--Chinese New Year, baby!--or, you know, until one of us notices the blog languishing in its seventeen-foot drifts of dust and goads the other into a nice clean rant yet again. Mm. That too.

I'm sorry, it's 10:57 at night and I've been slaving away on a Biology lab report since seven. Everything looks like aortas now. @_@

~Mnem

I'm Only Posting Now...

Because I can? And I need a distraction from studying for my math exam. Well, I could always talk to the eternally procrastinating Mnem. Nahjk. :P

Since I haven't written for quite a while, and as Mnem accurately pointed out to me that --

"Dude. The last 10 posts have all been mine. That is sad."

-- therefore, I will randomly give you an ETA on when we can start posting again: that's if you still care WHY WHAT AM I SAYING? ALL OF YOU LOVE FERRET GUN, RIGHT?!

Yes, the word love, as antsy as I am about using it, gets a bold and italic.
Consequently, as I LOVE to believe people like reading this rapidly dying Ferret Gun, I'm going to tell you about our exams. Mnem is open to snarky edits. 

English: ./points HOMG!

HOLY SHIT IT'S EDWARD THE "SPARKLY SPARKLER" PEDOPHILE! Huhu I have a feeling this impromptu nickname will stick in the future...
I did not spend any time looking for this picture. Not at all. I didn't even type "Twilight Vampire Sparkle" into Google. 
Although, this basically does sum it up:

I don't even know this guy. What a philosopher!

I would have went for a "WTF" myself, but ah, it's cool. Someone in the English department had the nerve to pick a passage out of New Moon to analyze. I'm not hating on the book anything, it was the movie that ruined it for me. That, and it's "in" to bash Twilight at any chance you get.

Modern History: General Penis, our lovely history teacher, has the misfortune to teach a class in which an outline of a country turns into "Is that a penis?", in which looking at a painting of Napoleon and his holy shit tight tights equally as lovely white pants and stockings someone commented "I can see his junk", in which there's a beautiful painting of "The Creation of Man" on a calender hanging in plain view of the entire class with Adam's 'thing' which has "made men sad for centuries". Well, it didn't help that he was joining in. Not that he was cracking any perverted jokes, thank God, except for that one time where someone commented "[General Penis] and his penises" and he responded by slowly covering his-- OKAY LET'S NOT GO THERE -- with the review packet for the exam.
We do learn things, we really do.
... really.

AND BEHOLD THE NAPOLEON JUNK. Well, I'm not going to circle it. No, it isn't his head. No, this isn't the actual painting. Someone Photoshopped the head, but it is otherwise intact.

IT'S UP CLOSE TOO! ... and as far as I can tell, this has been Photoshopped too. :D Not the vital "part", but the part where God is kind of poking Adam in the eye with a twig?

 This exam had an endearing, adorable little touch to it though - question 41, the bonus question, the epitome of important, important questions...

Q.41: Which high school history teacher in our school is the most handsome?
              a) General Penis,
              b) The-Teacher-That-Accidentally-Found-A-Porn-Site-When-
                  Trying-To-Look-Up-Tiannamen-Up-On-The-Projector-In-
                   Front-Of-His-Class ("accidentally", they all say),
              c) all of the above,
              d) none of the above.
Let's leave my answer to your imagination, shall we?

The Modern Languages: A name given to the truly fitting low standard language courses in international schools. Not to be a douche or anything, but truly, a French grade schooler could pwn Mnem in French (and she's in one of the highest possible classes that she's able to atm!), and a Chinese kindergarten kid could pwn my ass and feed little bits of me to the sharks with their Mandarin skills. Well, I had two exams in a row, one for Mandarin in the morning and one for Bahasa right after because it's a required course for graduation blah blah blah oh look I've started again.

No, this has nothing to do with Modern Languages. Just thought it was cute. AW WHALE EATING PERSON HEAD. :D

Chemistry: Nothing much to say except I came in... about 6 hours before the exam I was supposed to take? I needed to "study", after all no nonononononono I need social interaction halp halp HALP!!!!onewan111111o!1jO!!!1! Did you know? Saying "I want to do pharmaceuticals" in university can be misconstrued. ... there's a reason why 'in university' ain't in quotes, y'know?

Biology: Over to you, Mnem. 

              I drew the life of a vesicle in graphic novel format, and
              things just went downhill from there.

Advanced Algebra and Trigonometry: An intimidating class name that is as intimidating as it sounds I don't know what the fuck I'm doing halp halp halp shit I have the exam tomorrow raaaaaaaaaaah!

Screw logs.
Don't quote me out of context.
./goes into epileptic fits of misery and desperation but mostly procrastination  THE PROCRASTIREAPER 2000 HAS GOTTEN ME NOW. AAAAAARGH! Don't ask me why people in my imagination have the time and sadness to invent a Grim Reaper for procrastination.
Well, time for review.
./gloom

-Chronos "NO LEMME GO WAIIIIIII !!!!!WANONE!!!!11111!!!ON!EO!!!

P.S. Wtf?

Internet Browser Mashing

The ultimate equation regarding the use of internet browsers. Well, more like an inequality, but let us not go into technicalities, shall we?

Firefox + Google Chrome > Chicken Wings > Cheese > Flying Pigs > Knee High Socks > Dying in A Hole > Napoleon > Crap > Everything Else > Internet Explorer

I'll expand once I think of more *relevant* comparisons to use.
A certain cynical non-believer has finally risen from the darkness! Well, minus the fact that McAfee isn't automatically applicable in Google Chrome for some reason.

Yaah. Hi, I'm back. Been busy. I'll end the post now because I think the bell's going to ring soon (for school).
Will *add more substance* because I think Mnem will kill me for such a short return post. 

-Chronos

How to write a back-from-the-dead post in sixteen easy and somewhat accurately described sentences

Obligatory odd first sentence. Sarcastic second sentence. Thoughtful third sentence, and then apologetic fourth. Explanatory fifth sentence, expository sixth sentence, seventh sentence stuffed with excuses and half-meant promises to not do that again for a while. Eighth sentence negating seventh sentence and therefore crossed out for purposes of comedy. Ninth sentence completely deadpan.

And then, from out of the blue, the tenth sentence.

~Mnem- "And here we put a nonsensical phrase" -osyne

EDIT: Eleventh sentence as an inane afterthought. Twelfth sentence assuring readers of sanity. Thirteenth sentence making derogatory reference to twelfth. Fourteenth complaining about lack of sleep. Fifteenth signing off. Sixteenth... zzz...

Happy 5th Month Anniversary, Ferret Gun!

./wanders in

So sorry I haven't been around.

Says it all, really.

But as compensation for leaving this blog to dry like a hanging sardine, here is a treat.

Hopefully it'll amuse you for a few days.

WE ARE STILL ON EMOTICON STRIKE. 
We also have some fried smileyface. Would you like to try some?  

-Chronos

"I have been busy", says Chronos. "BULLSHIT!", yells Mnem.

Since I have nothing better to do, I might as well.

No, I haven't been avoiding you. 's just that writer's blocks keep slamming down in front of me--

CRASH

...well, this time it landed on me. No worries, Mad will come back with a spatula soon enough.

-Chronos "I REALLY can't think of anything. Lol @ 131 posts for Mnem, 103 posts for Chronos."

Give me a T... give me an I... give me an R... give me an E... give me a D... zzz

Well.

It's 2:48 in the morning and I really shouldn't be up right now.

Chronos, I think, went to the bathroom to wash her face and passed out on the towel rack. I do hope she's alright. Aluminium piping doesn't make for a fabulous night's rest.

All ha-ha aside, I'm basically still up because I had an unholy amount of essay to write for English... that is due on at 11:00 tomorrow.

I'm not done yet. Boo. Still an intro, a conclusion, and various bits of the body paragraphs left to go. Wilfred Owen, if it weren't for the fact that you're a genuinely gifted poet and you lived an admirably hardscrabble life (and you've been dead for ninety-odd years) I'd stick you right now, and not with a kitchen knife neither. -dark look- Death by straws... sounds painful, eh?

I'm sorry, I'm not making sense anymore.

There'll be a sleepover tomorrow and Chronos and I are looking forward to being high together and trashing the place and eating junk food and staying up late watching questionable comedies. :D Nothing like a friend to get wasted with.

Unfortunately it also means I'm neglecting all my homework until Sunday afternoon. That's sort of why we haven't been posting recently. Too much bullsh many things to do.

What do I have due again?--oh, right. Fill in a worksheet on the computer for Biology, finish my notes and email them to a compatriot for Health, submit the essay to Turnitin.com and complete two peer-review assignments and one self-reflection for English, select and draft my 7x7 poetry project for Creative Writing, hunt down a book and answer two questions for French, and make up some missed Math work.

Joy of fricking joys. No, I'm not coming to the Games tomorrow, why do you ask?

-yawns-

I think I'll go sleep now.

Excessive page breaks FTW.

~Mnemosynapwoeiap esssssssssssssssssssas;;;;;;;''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

CHRONOS' EPIC RETURN POST v. 2.0!

Releasing the next patch of Chronos' EPIC RETURN POST!

No, I'm not going to drawl like a mad man about how I gots a tablet and Hi-Chew. Firstly, I didn't get another tablet, so it's unnecessary. Second, I've almost finished snarfing down those 20 or so bars of Hi-Chew. High intakes of glucose syrup, sugar, and hydrogenated vegetable oil for the win.

Not that they're healthy because they actually kill you very, very slowly fill you with artificially induced highness. That, and they start tasting disgusting after your 3rd consecutive bar.
Whooo, censorship for the win lose. WE CAN'T TAKE THE TRUTH.

Okay. Why am I up at this atrocious hour, you ask? In Chronos' world, an atrocious hour would be... 5 in the morning with the next day being a school day (normal wake-up time being 6 am). No, it isn't a school day for me tomorrow - THANK GOD. I get to laze around for one more solitary day before being thrown into the seamy underbelly of hell school.

Yes, fine, so I'm exaggerating. Hell does equate school, in my world, but sadly, there's a minuscule population of one in Chronos' world.

Back to the earlier question. I'm on Ferret Gun and my computer at... -looks at clock- 12:46 am. I got dragged to a dinner by those-things-known-as-the-parents with about 10 or 20 other families plus their adorable sweet bearable lovely children. Of course, the only two children I knew and could socialize with -snort- were 5th graders. Nothing epic happened, really. Dinner started at 6:30. Guess what time we left? 9:45. I was stuck at a freaking dinner for 3 hours and 15 minutes. The food stopped coming at around 7 or 8, ffs (for feck's sake)! Not to mention they did that thing that parents do - start talking very excitedly about something, then grow louder and louder as they try to drown out everyone else's talking in order to contribute something to the conversation. Makes for very interesting sound dynamics, but we (the 5th graders and me) were almost scared into jumping out of our chairs at one point. That aside, when I got home at 10:15 ish, we stumbled upon a blackout in our house. A blackout that lasted until 11:30, during which I gamed excessively on my DS - thank you, whoever came up with the idea of bright screens in gaming consoles (because the people who make the GameBoy Color obviously didn't think about it or didn't have the technology to make it happen). And from 11:30, it takes me to the point I'm at now - unable to sleep and typing a post for Ferret Gun after leaving it to dry like a fish for a few days.

Mnem will be proud of me, I'm sure. She's the one always prodding me to write something.
Oooh, big paragraph overhead!

Gawd damn. I ran out of things to write about.

-Chronos "I smell the artificial flavoring from the empty Hi-Chew wrappers..."

Burninating penguins! or, Mnem's triumphant return from the Land of the Moderately Unwell

Not in this update: crossed out stuffs. Lots and lots of crossed out stuffs.

CHRONOS' EPIC RETURN POST.

...
-crawls in-
-sits on a conveniently provided sofa-
-zones out-

I gots a tablet and HI-CHEW candy.

-Chronos

Post that is Supposed to Help Us Keep the Post Count Above the Date and is Simultaneously a Distraction for Chronos from her Stupidly Hard Tech Assignment -- Ooh, Long Post Title! All in Capitals Too!

DON'T YOU LECTURE ME ABOUT PROCRASTINATING.
DON'T YOU LECTURE ME ABOUT YELLING TOO.
Blah blah blah. Well, Chronos has died and then revived and then died again and then broke herself out of a coffin ejected into space to float for infinity. How I came back, you do not need to know. You probably don't WANT to know, anyway (think Aliens!).
And this is why we couldn't post -- well, Mnem has made two major contributions in the past week or so while I was still... going through my, ah, cycles of reincarnation?

1) School.
2) Chronos' Subsequent Space Floating Expedition
3) Mnem's Trek to Hell (which oddly contains a large amount of cube shaped watermelons)
4) Chronos

Chronos is on the list because Chronos is the reason that Chronos could not post. Got it? (I would say 'Capice' or something, but I have absolutely no clue how to spell it and am too lazy to look it up now).
Boston Legal is great. So is Leverage. But Boston Legal is like the Leverage of the present.  
But beware! People terrified of that three letter word that starts with s, ends with x, and has an e squeezed in between them should keep at least a nanometer between them and the DVD / TV.
I'm really just going off on a tangent, aren't I? I'll probably whack the publish post button as soon as I'm done adding the tags then comb through it to look for grammatical mistakes. Which I still need to do to my English analytical paragraph about a poem. Joy.
Blah blah blah.
I can't think of anything...
I'm not stalling. Why do you think I'm stalling?
Spam.
Spam.
Spam.
Spam.
Spam.
Spam.
Spam.
Say, did anyone sneak some liquor into my mocktail at Tony Romas today?
Ribs.
Nom nom.
Huhuhuhuhu.

-Chronos 'Over and out over the cheesy rainbow into the leprechaun pot filled with elves. Wait what?'

Watermelon heaven hell

My internet went and sat in a corner all day muttering about blue-eyed angels so I apologize for not getting much done. I also apologize in advance for inflicting another piece of shoddy GIMPage (lameness new word alert!) on your poor overtaxed eyes. I really need to start writing a post. An actual post, not an excerpted post, and defiti defnit definitely (lack of sleep, huh) not one with an image attached that will skroo wiv j00r BRAINZ (oh God, definitely lack of sleep), but a real, honest-to-goodness sit-down-and-and-write-it-for-half-an-hour-straight post. Which may or may not concern watermelons. Have you seen those things? If I wanted a weakly flavoured pulp of water and miscellaneous crunchy bits I'd put wrapping paper in a blender. I hate watermelons. They don't like me much either.

OH, THE HUGE MANATEE BOX-SHAPED WATERMELON!

Seriously though, I hate watermelons. I walked with Atlas from one after-school club to another last Thursday and he insisted on going to the cafeteria cafetaria caff for a watermelon juice. Of all the things he could have gotten, he went for a friggin' watermelon juice?! Yes, I love Atlas very much. He's like the jerkass older brother I never had (thank God). But he dropped a notch in my eyes when he picked up that juice. -silently strangles a fruit- Nevermind that you can't strangle things with no necks. Or maybe you can...? -eyes Omu-

Nah, that doesn't count, she's practically all neck. -Omu fluffs feathers threateningly- What? It's true.

I mean... uh... not that it's not a very nice neck... um...

What was I saying? Oh, yes, that I dislike watermelons. Horrible watery fruit. You know what the scary thing is though? They're taking over the friggin' world. Seriously. You've got--you've got watermelon scarves:

"All the better to strangle you at the first opportune (read: windy) moment with."

And watermelon faces:

"All the better to give you strangely fruity nightmares with."

And watermelon hearts:

"All the better to finally confirm your significant other's longstanding belief that you view Valentines' day gift giving more as a chance to get back at them for all the times they gave you crappy candy heart-a-grams with."

And even watermelon chairs:

"All the better to glomp your ass with."

What part of "we are fking screwed, go out in a pickup and raze the first watermelon farm you see" don't you understand, people?!

~Mnemosyne

Twitter Goes Tweet! Mad Goes... Chirp? Roar? [Insert Sound of WMDs Firing]?

Harhar.
Mnem and I have started school, so we haven't been making any... ah, PROPER contributions to the blog as of late. 1) Sophomore year is pretty neat, but they're already piling on the homework, 2) Lack of inspiration, 3) Free time is spent studying. Sad, I know. Right?
And as always with a comeback post, I will launch into a series of boring announcements that I, being Chronos, must make (because Mnem is Atlas' ego deep in snarkiness!). Ha ha. Please tell me that made sense.

In any case. Firstly, a warm welcome to our first stalker, StupidFerret! You are a generous square addition to our otherwise empty stalker section! Thank you for deciding to follow us! [Although you do know that she is one of the gang, right...?] ... I didn't stutter. :)
Hopefully if things work out alright, we'll have our friends joining consecutively. <- I almost forgot how to spell that word. Huh. And hopefully, Mnem's worst fears will not be realized (i.e. friends going OMFG how could you - though I doubt they'd be that drastic, they're great people WOAH NO BIAS THERE, I THINK I DROPPED SOME SOAP!).
Well, whatever. A warm welcome to StupidFerret anyway. Oi, you has to make a post soon, yeah? Just write shit about... shit. I don't know. Moving on!

Edit: StupidFerret, make sure you read this post, this post, this post, and this post. Make sure to visit Romeo and Juliet: Failed! and give it a read through. Also look at the We Fail! - Designs so you can tell me whether you want a section for yourself too.

I can't believe I dedicated a whole paragraph to that had enough randomness and WTF to hurtle through that paragraph. Onward, ho (no, not THAT ho)! Since Chronos has a penchant for adding new things that Mnem and herself will never use anyway (-cough- FORUM -cough-), look around the website. Notice anything new? Do ya? Besides the little box with the silhouette of a bird under stalkers.

...Yep, you guessed it! The TWEETER! THE TWITTER! THE CHIRPER! THE OMFG-IT'S-MAD-WITH-A-SEMI-AUTOMATIC-WEAPON-RUN-LIKE-HELL!

... I know I'm going over the top. -shrug- Hey, it's a return post! Sue me! ... on second thought, please don't. I have enough shit to deal with-- Basically that little Tweeter / Twitter / Chirper little box deal is to notify you of important updates if you've missed 'em. Chronos knows the chances are high that she is not going to bother and eventually forget about it (LIKE A CERTAIN FORUM--!).

./slap self

I'm going off tangent, eh? Yeah, my brain's kind of like frozen yet liquid slush inside my skull that's slushing.

Goddamn I'm thirsty now.

-Chronos 'Does a ice slush of a brain sound appetizing to you?'

Edit: MNEM HOW THE EFF DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO ON SATURDAYS?! -mildly worried-

The great big death myth debunking post

Hi. As you can see, we're not dead yet--the operative word here being "yet". School started around four days ago and apparently we've both been wrapped up enough in our sad little offline lives that we've neglected our delightful blog. Not to mention our forums and three very hungry and irritated blog mascots. -feeds the cat kibble, feeds the ferret birds, feeds the penguin freshmen-

Speaking of which, the teacher of the class that Chronos and I share (let's call it History because it's a pain being ambiguous sometimes) is EPIC. -metaphorically underlines- Seriously. He has this bloodstained stick that he pokes people with, he plays WOW, he runs his class as an outright dictatorship ("There is no democracy here"), and he kills a ninth grader every year. (This, of course, is epic only mostly because we are sophs now. [Did I just invent that term?]) Needless to say, both Chronos and I are looking forward to a year with him. So much nicer more lively being a sophomore under his stick than a freshie under six feet of dirt.

Hmm... in other news, our other classes worked out fine. Out of the two of us I am the one most likely to be swapping/switching out a period because of some egregious little mixup when the school computers assigned my Creative Writing block. You see, CW is a semester course offered twice in one year, and the one in first deals with poetry while the one in second touches more on prose. Both Atlas and myself signed up for Sem 2 and got assigned to Sem 1. I don't like poetry, but I don't like screwing with my schedule either, so I've pretty much resigned myself to ninety days of metered crap bullcrap. Unfortunately Atlas isn't so keen on that course of action. I've been attempting to... er... dissuade him, rather violently unsuccessfully I will admit, from bolting to the counselors when they open back up to the general school body on Monday, but as far as the class is concerned it's still an open question as to whether he'll show up again on Wednesday first block or whether I will have to hunt him down and break his perfidious neck.

-beat-

Nothing quite like grievous bodily harm to get the school year off to a good start.

~Mnemosyne

Things best left unseen

Missing? Me? What made you think that? Was it because I didn't answer the phone for three days running? (Forgot to pay the bills again.) Or maybe it was the fact that someone saw me get into an unmarked white van late last night. (If they'd kept watching, they'd'a seen the car door fly open and a grown man stumble out and start running for his life. He even left his knife and roll of duct tape behind, which is a bit thoughtless of him. To be fair, I don't think he was expecting that I would have a live ferret tucked into my pocket, or that said ferret bites people who try to touch areas where they really shouldn't.) Or maybe what tipped you off was the two weeks' worth of newspapers piled up on the doormat. (Journalists lie.)

And then there's always the decaying horse's head nailed to the door itself.

Let's just say that my neighbours have funny ideas about welcome baskets.

Anyhoo, I'm not missing. I've just holed myself up at home and tried to learn how to pick locks. Chronos will tell you that this is purely for research purposes (I'm writing a story, and we all know what happens when I write stories), but what she doesn't know is that I accidentally ... er ... locked the bathroom with the keys inside. (There is nothing as terrifying as a creative idiot.) So, in between poking tumblers with a paperclip, using a flat-headed screwdriver to apply torque, and ignoring my bladder, I didn't really have time to write anything. And I apologize for that.

Now I've got to go take the horse head down, it's starting to attract flies.

~Mnemosyne

I blame your corridor of premature mortality for the general lack of postiness

Well.

If you'd have liked me to post to the blog while you're gone then maybe you shouldn't lock me in the closet beforehand, eh? Think about that next time. It takes me a while to shovel six feet of concrete with a spoon. A plastic spoon. Goddamned cheapskates.

Then I had to dodge all your fooking death traps in your hallway of fooking inconvenience. I almost ran out of glass shards for the lasers--sorry about the bathroom, by the way, I'll replace the two-way mirror as soon as I scrape up the cash--and the poison gas ruined the wallpaper. (You're going to have to disinfect the place when you get back.) Oh, and I split all your security camera lenses with some well-timed bagpipe music. Nothing like 90 decibels of "Amazing Grace" to put a $500 thermal imaging scanner out of commission.

As regards your bottomless pit, I was apparently correct when I assumed that the gap would be smaller than the length of a ski. Plus the slats were good for when your stairwell turned into a slide. The guard at the bottom looked like he choked on a lemon.

Speaking of the guards, I nearly broke my wrist taking out the one in the kitchen--it's a hell of a lot harder smashing a chair across someone's back than it looks in the movies. The one by the garage? Introduced his coattails to some lighter fluid and a match. The three of them got on wonderfully, like a house on fire. With the smoke and the panic and the insurance claims and everything.

So, my dear, what can we learn from this?

The answer is: if you want me to post faster, just give me the goddamn closet key before you leave.
 
~Mnemosyne