Post binge is binge-y.

A quote from a veeeeery long time ago that I had forgotten deliberately neglected to put up.

(after being exposed to some country music)
Polyhymnia: That sounded like Daughtry.
Lethe: Eh, I don't really like him that much.
Polyhymnia: Why?
Lethe: I dunno. I just don't.
Polyhymnia: ...is it because he's bald?

I miss P. :(

~Mnem

Y not?

Mad: -slaps Mnem for the lame pun-

Jeez, sorry.

Our dear friend Eusebia is having her birthday tomorrow, and we've all ganged up to make a sort of shambly, highly individualized collage for her, consisting of a large hand-drawn mishmash of A4-sized letters that will somehow hopefully maybe perhaps WHO AM I KIDDING -bursts into tears- form the words HAPPY BIRTHDAY [EUSEBIA] in an easily tacked-up-on-the-rafters format. Cool yeh? Anyhoo, we all pulled our choice of dipthongs and I got the 'Y's (because, you know, they're a stick on a stick, how hard can it be? --I can tell you, plenty hard) and, because I am unpredictable and rambly and given to poking FerretGun with the Big Stick Of Excessively Wordy And/Or Otherwise Unnecessary Posts every once in a while, I figured you lot ("Welcome to FerretGun! Total Population: 0.4 because everyone ran away after we, uh, cut that one guy in half--and of course he got slightly moldy and bits started falling off") wouldn't mind seeing my lovely artwork either.

GAHAHAHA WHO AM I KIDDING?! Eheh, picspam followeth. If this were LJ I'd put it under a cut (I'd have to; isn't there a law that mandates this somewhere, for the safety of the casual browser?) but, since this is Blogger and the cuts are infinitely less awesome, you get them chucked at you no matter whether you want them or not. -depraved grin-

Oh, I'm such a nice little girl.

I hereby dub thee "Gothic Y".

EDIT: Maybe "Peacock Y" would be more appropriate?

And you shall be my "Collage Y" and you shall be mine, and you shall be my "Collage Y"!

... no, I ain't usually like this, but working with oil pastels has a bit of a giddying effect on me. Quite similar to the Crayon Effect sometimes observed in overstressed highschoolers. Present anybody over the age of fourteen with a pack of crayons and a clean sheet of paper and boom, you've got yourself an artistic manic-depressive right there. Fun stuff.

~Mnemosyne

Members of our extended FG family [an unfinished list]

Cats

• Coraline Avatar Titanic ("Corrie"): originally Mnem's cat, but now a fully fledged member of the Ferret Gun family and queen of the lower floors. Is blue more often than not. Wife of Eli.
• Franklyn Elizabeth Lassie Insomnia Nosferatu Evita ("Liza"): superfluous ambassador between ourselves and the animals; receives free psychological counselling as part of her job perks. Corrie's sister.

Ferrets

• Freaking Epic Rage Rage Eli Omu Tricycle ("Eli Trick"): a genteel, sophisticated fellow with a British accent and a fondness for tweed and scones. The only animal member of our inner circle possessed of the faculty of speech. Husband of Corrie.
• Nin: one of Chronos' Ninja Ferrets. Now you see him, now you don't.
• Jafer: another Ninja Ferret. Chandelier fixer-upper extraordinaire.
• Ret: the last Ninja Ferret. Responsible for most of the bedwetting incidents amongst the newer recruits.
• Martin Luferret: Dorm Head and mediator. Also a vocal critic of the Norman Cathartic Church. Has a thing for nuns, but as long as he keeps seventeen rowdy ferrets and seventeen rowdy ferret beds in tip-top shape, we shall not pass judgement.

Humans

• Chronos: resident mad (evil?) scientist, tinkerer of space/time, ninja ferret inaugurator, and cook.
• Mnemosyne: incorrigible paintress, opener of windows, record-keeper, and cleaner.
• The Head Gardener: exactly what it says on the tin on his namecard. Worships Chronos after she stitched his hand back on, but only because she very conveniently forgot to remind him that it was she who sliced it off in the first place.
• The Little Old Lady Who Lives On The Top Floor With Twenty-Six Cats And A Pronounced Interest In Taxidermy: because every house needs a topic to avoid at the dinner table.

Omus

• Ostrich Supper Triangle Random Imp Chop-Chop Ha-Ha Emu Mop Unicyc ("Omu"): neurotic, fiendish, oddly toothsome. Six-time winner of the bimonthly Metaphorical Marathon (look at those legs!), itinerant knitter, and ninja in training. Has a reputation for pushing people off the top landing and then braining them with flowerpots on the way down. Wife of Mad.
• Mikaelomu: a talented sculptor. Responsible for the creepy gargoyles in Chronos' and Mnem's images that bedeck the gothically themed ledges of the Animals' Wing, not to mention the marble lawn gnomes dotting the grounds and the Postmodern cabinet fixtures in the kitchen.
• Peggy: runs a transport service which hires out and maintains a fleet of corridor-ready vehicles ("'cuz this is a damn big tower, you know?" -- Chronos). Looks upon hybrids with ill-disguised scorn. Restores 19th-century bicycles in her spare time.

Penguins

• Pen Excalibur Nomad Gwin Umbrella Ink Ninja ("Mad", "Destroyer Of Worlds", "Oh God Please No Put That Down Please I'm Begging You "): Chronos' ward, protector, and right-hand bird. Can often be found in the Bunker, where all the science-y heavy equipment / semilegal compounds are kept. Universally feared. Husband of Omu.
• Poppy: a smaller-than-average penguin who happens to be Head Penguin Gardener, second (in terms of arboreal power) only to the Head Gardener. Has souped up the lawnmower in such a way that the resultant Frankenmower (her term, not ours) is currently banned in thirty-seven countries and subject to ongoing investigation in a further fifteen.
• Guintler: always on his soapbox. As fine an orator as can be had in the avian world. Also used as target practice when the ferrets get restless.
• Gardening Task Force: a tightly-knit cadre of specially trained penguin horticulturalists, landscapers, and hedge pruners. Suspicious of outsiders. Capable of doing terrible things with fertilizer sacks.
• Kung Fu Panda: a penguin in a panda suit who won't tell anybody why he's in a panda suit. Currently responsible for training ninja ferrets and taking charge of Tower security. Has previously taken out intruders with a combination of ballpoint pens, chewed twine, and the little clear things on the ends of shoelaces.

Misc

• October Chomp-Chomp Tentacles Orange Partyhat Underground Squawk ("Chomp"): neon pink octopus perpetually glued to Chronos' head/shoulder. Akin to an ambitious headcrab with fluoro tendencies, or a really big benign tick. Morally opposed to fried calamari. Unimpressed by soccer.
• Ominous Swiveling Watchful Lollipop ("Swiv"): small, candy-coloured owl. Knows all. Sees all. Has a fondness for CSI: NY and turning 360 degrees without moving an inch. Watches the entrances of both Chronos' and Mnem's wings thanks to a duplicate, indistinguishable from the real one. Recently voted "Most Likely To Be Seen On FBI's Most Wanted"* at the annual Tower Staff Get-Together, due to stalkerish tendencies and incessant hooting at unholy hours of the morning.

~Mnemosyne

*Mad was disqualified for reasons of already being on the Most Wanted list (#7).

Huhwaitwhat? Vol II: Sophomore Inanity [upd. Oct 12]

Yes, it'll be updated regularly. -shoots meaningful look at Chronos-

 AFTER SCHOOL (Chronos & Mnem)

Atlas: Seriously, the Kraken thinks the jokers in my deck are gay. -takes out cards- My God, I just realized! He's wearing black tights and a whip!

Pro: -singing in falsetto- You turn me o-on... -stares straight at Lethe-
Lethe: o_e

Mnem: -makes poorly thought-out and easily misinterpreted statement-
Chronos: -laughing- Now, I know you swing that way...
Mnem: You don't even swing at all.

BIOLOGY (Mnem)

Dr P: This is Fleshy. -shows class a stuffed toy bacterium- His scientific name is Streptoccocus somethingorother, but he's commonly referred to as the flesh-eating bacterium. If you get infected with these little guys your tissues will basically be eaten away and you might have to get the affected limb amputated in order to halt its progress. -beat- But he's just so darn cute, isn't he?

BREAKS (Chronos & Mnem)



Chronos: I can't remember what I was watching yesterday.

Mnem: Was it Numbers?

Atlas: You're pronouncing it wrong. It's meant to be Numb3ers.

Mnem: Like... "my 3ers are really really numb"? -Chronos and Atlas give her a strange look- That sounded wrong, didn't it.

Methe: I'm attracted to a lot of things in guys.

Chronos: Like breathing and having a Y chromosome?

Methe: -misunderstanding- Not even that, sometimes.

Chronos: If you swing that way, it's fine, but just don't tell us next time.

SR: Where's CvK? I swear she's never here during breaks. She always hurts herself or has to print homework or go to the library. I think she's having a secret affair with a teacher.

Mnem: You have no sympathy at all.

Chronos: What, so if I said "I'm sorry", that wouldn't be sympathy?

Mnem: No, that would be bullshit!

Mnem: ...are you asking me out on a date?
Atlas: Yes, because you don't have the balls to do it yourself.
Mnem: -__-

ENGLISH (Mnem)



Mrs G: Doesn't your dad ever come home and say, "Hello dear! Give me a hug!"

Lethe: ...no, that would be creepy.

HEALTH (Mnem)

Mr S: Don't get me wrong. I respect Tiger Woods as a player--

CW: Did you seriously just say that?

Mr S: -facepalm-

HONOUR PASS (Chronos & Mnem)

The Kraken: I just imagined Atlas... in that skirt... doing a little twirl...

Mnem: -wearing eraser costume out by the fountain- I FREAKING CAN'T BEND OVER.

Lyssa: Mnem, I need your help with this poem. Could you come take a look at it?

Mnem: -notices stain on paper- What's that?

Lyssa: Blood. :B

MODERN HISTORY (Chronos & Mnem)

Mr F: You may have heard of a little thing called democracy. That does not exist here. Here we are in a dictatorship and I am the dictator.

Mr F: -swings stick around carelessly- I kill a ninth grader every year. Nobody misses them.

AD: Can I go to the bathroom?

Mr F: No.

AD: Can I go take a drink?

Mr F: No. The only way anybody is leaving is if they are going to buy me a Coke.

AD: Can I buy you a coke?

Mr F: ...tempting.

Mr F: Now I can't remember if Michelangelo was the gay one or not, I'll have to check.

Mr F: That's the problem with sculpting. If you make a mistake you can't just go back and erase it. Say you're three years in and you go, "Oh, he has an extra leg! Never noticed that! Can't go and make it his middle leg because it's too small!"

Mr F: Now, pardon the expression but the problem with Canada is that it's frickin' cold.

Mr F: -testing the class on European capitals- Finland.

Class: Uhhh...

Mr F: I sink into Hell.

Class: Helsinki!

Mr F: Correct. Belarus.

Class: Ummm...

Mr F: It's so cold I need a mink coat.

Class: Minsk!

Mr F: Correct. Netherlands.

Class: -thoughtful silence-

Mr F: I'm going to buy drugs.

Class: Amsterdam!

Mr F: Say I like basketball. What celebrity might I like to have in my house, talking to me about basketball?

AD: Megan Fox!

Mr F: -disturbed look-

Mr F: -pulls up slide of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam, steps back, sighs- This is the painting that's been making men sad for generations.

RP: -after stealing Mr F's stick, walks up to whiteboard and uses it to point at the painting-
Mr F: ...you must have balls of steel.

Mr F: Alright, what are the hallmarks of Renaissance art present in this sculpture?
Class: -yells out things-
Mr F: Good, good, but you're missing one... -pulls collar down slightly and points at upper chest-
AD: Cleavage!
Mr F: -goes into corner and cries a little bit-

Mr F: A hook has got to grab the reader. Say I'm flipping through an inflight magazine and I see the words "Camel sex" in a title. I'm going to think, Isn't that interesting? and start reading.

Class: -laughing hysterically-

Mr F: That was just an example. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.

Mr F: -referring to essay structure- What's in a body?
CW: Hands, eyes, nose, ears, arms, legs...
Mr F: Let's move away from the list of things we'd like to have sex with and towards the essay, people.
(later)
Mr F: Personally, I prefer sheep, although that's just me.

Mr F: You've got to be careful with spelling. Mr R once mistyped "Tiananmen Square" into Google in class and -starts laughing- he got a -laughter increases- porn site -hardly able to talk anymore- on the first page -loses it- GAHAHA. I'm sorry, it's one of those things I give him a really hard time about.

MUN

Chair: To what point do you rise?

Denmark: Point of personal privilege.

Chair: Granted.

Denmark: Could we turn the lights on?

(ceiling lights turn off one by one; delegates erupt in chatter)

Chair: -in darkness- Yes, Denmark, I am aware that it has gotten darker.

(the day after Israel is overruled in a motion to prevent Palestine from gaining voting rights)
Chair: -taking roll call- Palestine.
Palestine: Present and voting, Chair. -hard look at Israel-

Denmark: -taps Chronos on shoulder- Since I know you slightly better than the other pages, I'll trust you to take my porn notes, 'kay?
Chronos: ...
-avoids Denmark for the rest of the General Assembly-

To: Algeria
From: Sudan

(Sudan's handwriting) You look pretty well developed for a third world country. Motion to move you to the floor.
(Algeria's handwriting) Do I know you?

USA: -reading out frivolous notes- "I'd like to hold an unmoderated caucus... in my pants."

(in note form)
Ireland: This delegate suggests that Irish potatoes would be an excellent addition to the salad bar. And here is a drawing of a potato. (insert drawing of potato) IRISH POTATOES #1!

Israel: This resolution is frankly an affront to everything the state of Israel believes in, and should not be allowed to pass--
(loud clap of thunder)
Israel: ...see? Even God agrees.

(in note form)
Ireland: Here is a potato. (insert drawing of potato) IRISH POTATOES #1!
Venezuela: Venezuelan bananas are better. (insert drawing of bananas)
Ireland: (drawing of potato) > (drawing of banana)

(in note form)
Ireland: Can we pleeeeease have more rights to statements? Pleeeease? Here is another potato. (insert drawing of potato saying pleeeeease)

To: USA
From: Canada

Dear USA
You sent us Miley Cyrus,
We sent you JUSTIN BIEBER.
From Canada

P.S. You can keep Justin Bieber <3

~Mnemosyne

Huhwaitwhat? Vol I: Freshie Madness [upd. 1 Oct]

Why did I wait so long to start writing these down? :(

2D ART AND DESIGN (Mnem)

Mnem: -cracks obscure joke-

FT: -not understanding said joke even after having it explained for at least three minutes at great length-

Atlas: Just give up. It's like milking a chicken.

GK: I've never had a teacher stare this intensely at my butt before.

FT: Can you come with me to the sophomore table? I need the black crayon back.

Atlas: No.

FT: Pleaaaaase?

Atlas: ...I was going to tell you to grow a pair, but in your case I don't think that would be wise.

Atlas: -puts down pencil, picks up reference photo, stares at sketch-

Mnem: Is something wrong?

Atlas: I appear to be missing my left ear.

ASIAN STUDIES (Mnem)

Eusebia: Our civilization needs a god. Some kind of religion.
Mnem: ...is human sacrifice okay with you?
Mr H: -momentary nervous look- Anything goes.
Mnem: Alright, so every weekend they sacrifice twenty virgins to a giant golden frog.
Eusebia: -laughing-
Mr H: -"uh oh" look-

(during the movie Gandhi, after a scene with a wildly bearded man in a car)
Lethe: Was that Jesus?

ASIAN STUDIES (Chronos)

Dr B: Atlas, what's your opinion on Japan's aging society?
Atlas: We have a surplus of old people.
Dr B: Don't say surplus, it sounds like you're going to kill them all.
Atlas: -thoughtful look-

BREAKS (Mnem)

(on Cross-Dressing Day)

Eirene: So what's the theme today?

Mnem: -points at two guys in dresses-

Eirene: It's gay day?

Polyhymnia: Do boys ever cry?
Lethe: I don't. I'm Stalin, I have tear ducts of steel.

ENGLISH (Mnem)

ZC: O, if only Romeo were gay.

AM: (misreading the "if a hare that is hoar" line) If a hare that is a hoar--

Class: -laughing uproariously-

(after class ends)

The Kraken: What did he say? "If an old hairy hoar" or something like that.

Mnem: -laughing way too much to correct him-

EXAM REVIEW (Chronos & Mnem)

Eusebia: -is trying to memorize names of polyatomic ions- Homosexuals never chase straight asses.
Rest of group: o_O
Eusebia: It's just the first letters of the chemical formulas. H is HSO4, N is NO3...
Methe: Aren't you missing phosphate?
(beat)
Eusebia: Homosexuals never chase straight people's asses.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION (Mnem)

Mary of Scots: A game of badminton typically lasts until 11 or 15 points. But if you get there and your scores are within 1 of each other then you keep playing. What happens if, in this way, you both reach 21 points?

BI: Instant death.

~Mnemosyne

Introducing spawn

Must ... keep ... blog ... afloat ...

Well now, what can I rant about here? I could treat you to a scholarly discussion on the merits of various Sims 2 custom content downloads, but that'd bore the socks off you, especially if you don't play the game. (Ha. Made you think it.) I could rave about homework, but I'm not staying up this late just to embark on another obscenity-laced hemorrhage of eloquent spite. I could bitch and moan about how I've been sleeping five-hour nights all week (save for Thursday, when I told myself I'd just lie down on my bed for a bit to text somebody and woke up two hours later), except it's currently 11:45 PM on a lazy Friday night. So what could I do? Well, for starters, I could clip my nails. Comb the hair out of my eyes. Blow some dust off the computer. I could redesign the Sistine Chapel and get around to learning how to knit. I could study Norwegian and repaint my bedside table and organize a whale-watching excursion and play with Madge (Mad and Omu's adopted daughter; short for Madomu, which is in turn a contraction of Nomadeous Omu + whatever avian last name they have drawn up). Speaking of Madge, what exactly is she? Chronos seems to think she's a penguin. She looks more like a scrawny little kid in a penguin costume to me. -scrutinizes closely-

Yeah, them's fingers all right. -Madge hisses- Easy now.

-Omu stalks past-

Lovely child.

-Mad waddles past-

Absolutely adorable.

-Eli scurries past-

QUICK, HELP ME KNOCK IT OUT AND BAG IT

-Mad and Omu stick their heads around the corner-

... some groceries, because we're running out, and I wouldn't want our little obviously penguin princess to go hungry.

-bird heads slowly retract-

That was close. -eyes Madge, who has crawled off to safety-

But tomorrow is another day. -glints dangerously-

~Mnemosyne

Twitter Goes Tweet! Mad Goes... Chirp? Roar? [Insert Sound of WMDs Firing]?

Harhar.
Mnem and I have started school, so we haven't been making any... ah, PROPER contributions to the blog as of late. 1) Sophomore year is pretty neat, but they're already piling on the homework, 2) Lack of inspiration, 3) Free time is spent studying. Sad, I know. Right?
And as always with a comeback post, I will launch into a series of boring announcements that I, being Chronos, must make (because Mnem is Atlas' ego deep in snarkiness!). Ha ha. Please tell me that made sense.

In any case. Firstly, a warm welcome to our first stalker, StupidFerret! You are a generous square addition to our otherwise empty stalker section! Thank you for deciding to follow us! [Although you do know that she is one of the gang, right...?] ... I didn't stutter. :)
Hopefully if things work out alright, we'll have our friends joining consecutively. <- I almost forgot how to spell that word. Huh. And hopefully, Mnem's worst fears will not be realized (i.e. friends going OMFG how could you - though I doubt they'd be that drastic, they're great people WOAH NO BIAS THERE, I THINK I DROPPED SOME SOAP!).
Well, whatever. A warm welcome to StupidFerret anyway. Oi, you has to make a post soon, yeah? Just write shit about... shit. I don't know. Moving on!

Edit: StupidFerret, make sure you read this post, this post, this post, and this post. Make sure to visit Romeo and Juliet: Failed! and give it a read through. Also look at the We Fail! - Designs so you can tell me whether you want a section for yourself too.

I can't believe I dedicated a whole paragraph to that had enough randomness and WTF to hurtle through that paragraph. Onward, ho (no, not THAT ho)! Since Chronos has a penchant for adding new things that Mnem and herself will never use anyway (-cough- FORUM -cough-), look around the website. Notice anything new? Do ya? Besides the little box with the silhouette of a bird under stalkers.

...Yep, you guessed it! The TWEETER! THE TWITTER! THE CHIRPER! THE OMFG-IT'S-MAD-WITH-A-SEMI-AUTOMATIC-WEAPON-RUN-LIKE-HELL!

... I know I'm going over the top. -shrug- Hey, it's a return post! Sue me! ... on second thought, please don't. I have enough shit to deal with-- Basically that little Tweeter / Twitter / Chirper little box deal is to notify you of important updates if you've missed 'em. Chronos knows the chances are high that she is not going to bother and eventually forget about it (LIKE A CERTAIN FORUM--!).

./slap self

I'm going off tangent, eh? Yeah, my brain's kind of like frozen yet liquid slush inside my skull that's slushing.

Goddamn I'm thirsty now.

-Chronos 'Does a ice slush of a brain sound appetizing to you?'

Edit: MNEM HOW THE EFF DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO ON SATURDAYS?! -mildly worried-

Revertion to type imminent

Look, it's our gang! Clicky for important details, such as names, which are of course our pseudonyms for them. Wouldn't want to have anybody stalked, of course... -hehehe-

~Mnemosyne

And now for something completely different!

[After an incident involving Mnem shoving a phlegm-coated punctuation mark into Chronos' hand]
Chronos: -blink- -disintegrates Mnem's hand with the particle cannon- Germs. -walks off-
Mnem: You missed. I now have no spleen. -dies in mid-step- Well damn.
Chronos: -injects temporary regeneration elixir into Mnem's brain- Cheerio.
Mnem: Nice of you.
Chronos: Well, problem.
Mnemosyne: I still have no spleen.
Chronos: ... the spleen grew out of your stomach.
Mnem: Oh M-a-d... -hides scalpel behind back- Penguins transplant easy into people, did ya know that?
Chronos: Ooo. Wrong syringe, sorry.
Mnem: :-/
Chronos: -disintegrates the external spleen-
Mnem: Nicer.
Chronos: -opens lab coat-
Mnem: Now come here you bird.
Chronos: -rows upon rows of syringes- Hm...
Mnem: What's this one labelled "sentient nose hair"?
Chronos: Who snuck salt water in here?
Mnem: Mad, prolly.
Chronos: I see his grubby lil' flipperprints all over them.
Mnem: Lol.
Chronos: Meh, whatever. -sticks Mnem in a computer-
Mnem: You ain't gonna give me a spleen?
Chronos: -runs a system restoration program-
Mnem: ERROR ERROR INSUFFICIENT MEMORY
Chronos: Nah, just going to return your body to the way it was at a certain point of time.
Mnem: -jerks around- -eyes rolling-
Chronos: Hm. Too young.
Mnem: -fingers twitch spasmodically-
Chronos: Hm. Too old.
Mnem: -legs kick wildly- -head thrashes-
Chronos: Ah, perfect.
Mnem: -mouth flaps- -nose quivers-
Chronos: -kicks Mnem out of her computer- Now shut up and work.
Mnem: Yes, mommy. Work on what? -sticks thumb in mouth- -zones out-
Chronos: Hm.
Mnem: I'm a PLANE! -runs about making airplane noises- WHOOM WHOOM WHOOM Landing! -rolls on ground- -giggles- -pulls on Chronos' hair- Lalalalala~ -throws socks at Mad- -squishes Corrie- -chases Eli Trick up the chimney-
Chronos: -blink-
Mnem: OOH LOOK A PARTICLE CANNON! ... thing. -hits buttons randomly-
Chronos: -dodge-
Mnem: Lalalalalala~! -vaporizes Mad-
Chronos: Problem. Mad? Hm.
Mnem: Penguin went away! -vaporizes palm tree-
Chronos: Eli?
Mnem: Tree went away!
Eli Trick: -stabs Mnem with syringe-
Mnem: -vaporizes ground under ferret- Ferret went OW OW OW GET THAT AWAY FROM ME YOU FKING BASTARD
Chronos: There we go.
Mnem: What the bloody hell is going on?
Chronos: -goes off to watch a video- -stuffs popcorn in mouth- Mad, you can get up now.
Mnem: -carefully replaces particle accelerator-
Chronos: -ashes recombine-
Mnem: -jerks syringe out of arm-
Mad: -stretches-
Mnem: -throws at Mad's head-
Mad: -eats-

Moral of the story: make sure the penguin doesn't get into the syringe collection.

~Mnem

Borking borker son of a bork!

Today was fun. A group of us girls were meeting at a mall--first get-together we'd had in months. And then of course Fate noticed that we were planning a good time and decided to get stuck in with us, which of course meant that hardly anything went according to plan.

Chronos had kindly offered to take me to the mall, because I am carless half the time and she lives so close by, but this gesture ended up being more a  pain in the ass for her than a demonstration of her Good Samaritanship. Specifically we were delayed by my mother's most likely illegal wholly legitimate hoedown corn shucking llama-tipping frollypalooza appointment at a bank. And by delayed I mean COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DELAYED for two frickin' hours. I mean, seriously! Out of all the other days in summer, the Mother had to go and pick today to get her square-dancing cob-husking camelid-toppling nonexistantworderrorerrordoesnotcompute**CRASH**ing needs filled at BANK NAME REMOVED FOR LEGAL PURPOSES?! Sigh... but she did. And so we waited. Chronos spammed me with random ferret-related SMSes and engaged in other idle pursuits, such as possibly attaining an intermediate level of fluency in Quechua and redesigning the Sistine Chapel, while I sat at home and stared sulkily at the computer. (To each her own.)

At long last the Mother returned and I was permitted to leave. The journey to long-suffering Eusebia's house and the leg from there to the mall was uneventful. -beat- Well, it was eventful, but not in a SFW kind of way. -beat- Pervs. Not like that.

Anyways, we arrived safely and extremely late, and met up with the other girls in our expedition. Methe, Eirene, Neikea, and Hestia had already been at the mall for two-odd hours when Chronos, Eusebia and I showed up. Some hurried discussion and then a plan was formed. Firstly Methe cashed in on her free tickets, buying us seven seats for the 3:30 showing of Inception; then we went to a delicious but horribly overpriced little restaurant called NAME REMOVED FOR FEAR OF LAWSUITS where I paid ninety-fking-seven thousand, five-fking-hundred CURRENCY REMOVED FOR FEAR OF TRACING OUR COUNTRY OF RESIDENCE for an admittedly tasty grilled beef sausage and rosti. (Mmm... rosti.) Chronos, meanwhile, paid exactly the same amount of money for a glass of juice and a small pizza, while several members of our party ended up shelling out over 120,000 WE DON'T NEED TO REPEAT OURSELVES DO WE NOW? for around the same amount of food. Needless to say, we are never going to come back to that dive again. -shudder- It took some basic arithmetic and a lot of quick thinking to come up with a parentally acceptable explanation for the expenses, one which regrettably included a little bit of lying screwing with the truth in a way that brings to mind the old dictum of "what they don't know won't be casually brought up the next time you ask for money". (Desperate people do desperate things.)

By the time we exited the fiscal sinkhole of NAME REMOVED FOR YADDI YADDI YA it was already about half past two, so we decided to split: Methe, Eusebia, and Hestia set off to gossip and window shop (I think) while Chronos, Neikea, Eirene and I headed for the pool tables. What followed was a lively hour of... well... Neikea hitting trick shots, Eirene missing trick shots, Mnem missing things in general and Chronos blatantly abusing her "bork" privileges. And then the gawkers came back, and we went to watch Inception, and everyone wandered out lookingly vaguely disoriented, and we went home, and if you're wondering why the post is finishing on such a lacklustre tone it's because it's 1:20 in the morning and I am damn tired.

I really need to start sleeping earlier.

OH HOLY SHET IT'S SCHOOL TOMORROW.

Fk.

~Mnemosyne

A new member of the Ferret Gun family with the dubious and yet surprisingly heretofore (is that even a word? am I using it right? probably not) unseen distinction of actually being a ferret

We have a cat. We have a penguin. We even have, for various purposes unknown to myself and (I suspect) Chronos, an anthropomorphic little tofu. (Poor little guy. I hope he survived the Sunday brunch, although given the fact that I haven't seen him around recently, that may be a bit of a pipe dream.) BUT--and this is a big but that I cannot deny (sorry, couldn't resist the joke)--we have never had a ferret. -gasp-

Oh, sure, there are ferrets on our fantastic anniversary header, courtesy of Chronos' curious Photoshop fixation. Those don't really count because they are ferret avatars... er... representations of myself and that other girl, the one with hobo issues my site buddy. Yet there exists a fundamental lack of ferrety companionship equable to that of our much-loved Mad and Corrie. -thumps gavel- A fundamental lack, I'm telling you! What is FerretGun without ferrets? Why, then, it's just a Gun, and we would be accused of perpetrating the mindlessly violent stereotypes that debase and degrade today's youths! That, and the domain name was already taken. But still. Ferrets are what make FerretGun more than just another random blog. They give us notoriety, infamy, a terrifying reputation among owners of unmarked white vans! So why in the name of everything green and glowy do we not have a little ferret companion, hm? The ferret gods deprived us of ferrets--so, us being who we are (brings to mind a Terry Pratchett quote--"If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'"), we made our own ferret friend. -clears throat-

Ladies and gentleman, meet -draws curtain dramatically- F.E.R.R.E.O.T! Freaking Epic Rage Rage Eli Omu Tricycle, also known as Eli Trick because he is cool enough to get a last name -fends off a jealous cat and penguin- is FG's newest family member and a bona fide, 100%, non-genetically altered yes Chronos I'm looking at you ferret. (Well, duh. You'd tell if he was a cauliflower or something.)

Very obviously not a vegetable, there! What a thespian. -admires- Cheeky little sonofaferret. Hah! Thought I was gonna say something else, didn't ya? Well, there will be no swearing in this post. No swearing at a--

HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT THING?!

~Mnem- "Did I mention that he has homicidal tendencies? Fits in with the overall theme, frankly" -osyne

 I do hate to ruin this post, but you linked cat, penguin, and tofu wrongly. 

Cat was linked to tofu, penguin was linked to cat, and tofu was linked to... tofu. 

Epic fail, Mnem. :P I've already fixed the links for you. 

Facebook stalking 101

Time for an experiment.

In one tab, I have open the wonderful digital black hole that is Facebook. In another, I have open our list of Greek pseudonyms for all those people unfortunate privileged enough to know us. I will confess that I have kept touch with only a few of them since summer began, and I have no idea where most of them are or even if they're still alive. But that is about to change. Through the magical and multiple stalkerish options provided by FB, I will proceed to track down everybody on this list (whom I have added) and tell you approximately where they are. (If you're getting worried, then good. This is my job. -smirk-)

Girls

• Lyssa.
• She's back here after a perilously boring trip back to her home country. Honestly, to judge by the email communiqués she'd send out during said trip you'd think that she was being held there against her will. (Come to think of it, she probably was.)
• Eusebia
• India. She told me. A few days ago. I didn't cheat.
• Eirene
• Still here. I had to go dig through a completely and irreversibly corrupted somewhat heavily spammed message thread in my FB inbox to find this. Methe's "I fuck camels" spiel is getting old, by the way.
• Methe
• I think she's in India. To be honest I don't want to read more of her messages/wall posts than I have to. That girl scares me.
• Neikea
• Quick, to the land of tall people, fluoro orange, and cheese! For that is where we may find our soccer-loving quarreller.
• Polyhymnia (we need to give her a nickname. It's a pain to write her current one. Like a tongue twister for the fingers, I swear.)
• She be in her home city of ze Merlion. On a completely unrelated note, my grammar just died. Not to mention my spelling. -cough-
• Hestia
• How the hell should I know? She just drops out of existence when the school year ends. Seriously. She has this whole other dimension purely for the summer and winter holidays. Yes, I have categorical proof of this, and no, I'm not showing you what it is.
• Euphrosyne
• I do believe she has settled into her new home in Japan already. Although she sounds a bit lonely. Poor girl.
• Lycorias
• Two things. One, I have no idea if she's here. And two, I plugged something written on her wall in Finnish into Google Translate and the results have probably scared me away from that country for life.
• Thalia
• In Japan. This without any Google Translate either. Good timing on her part.
• Concordia
• Sorry, but I don't have her on FB yet :-S 

Boys

• Atlas
• Mr Tall Snarky Moron is in the US. I hope he chokes on his popcorn. Just kidding, actually, 'cos that would deprive me and Chronos of the pleasure of choking him ourselves. -smirk-
• Mania
• Don't have him added. I attempted to stalk him through his wall-to-wall with Lethe but the bastard has set his privacy level. What a bad time to be Internet-savvy.
• Lethe
• I suppose he's back. He carried on a convo with one of his NY friends about how a certain movie isn't playing "here" yet. Since the American girl was complaining about how said movie was of excretory quality, I'm willing to bet that "here" refers to... well... here.

Cower in awe at my awesome FB stalking skills. Well, some of it was luck. And some of it was just plain obvious. But some of it was stalkerishness. -wink-

Have a nice summer and stay away from the sharks.

-splash splash chomp-

~Mnem- "ARGH ARGH ARGH GET IT OFF ME" -osyne

Too many cooks can't spell

It's hard to plan things when not everybody in the party is, you know, all there. Chronos and I have been trying to put together a karaoke excursion but the email chain we've sent out has been plagued by no end of problems.

People have not been coming online, people have been coming online and then not coming online after promising to, people have been coming online way more than is strictly necessary. Phone calls eat credit and we all live too far away to get together and plan it out, and besides, we'd fight about when to get together to plan our get together anyways.

Final verdict: majestic waste of time.

Enjoy your friggin' summer, guys.

~Mnemosyne

Greek Pseudonyms

We are bored and we have no lives even though we are supposed to be studying for our final exams, so we decided to compile a list of Greek pseudonyms for our friends for your boredom enjoyment. Hell, you better enjoy it! Do you know how long we took to compile this list out of our study time? Then again, it's probably our fault. <- Hates blaming herself for anything. ;)
So here it is. If you're reading this post, and you think this list includes you, you will know who you are. :P Names in initials for anonymity.

Girls

• S.H .......... Lyssa ("anger")
• Constantly raging at life and her mom. Mostly her mom, for making her life crap. According to her, in any case.
  
• A.S .......... Eusebia ("piety")
• Eusebia's so very pure. That doesn't mean we walk on eggs in her presence, just means she's easier to trick into repeating dirty phrases in front of a large audience.
• A.T .......... Eirene ("peace")
• Eirene wouldn't hurt a fly unless it interfered with her study schedule.
• S.P .......... Methe ("drunkenness")
• Methe's the kind of girl who gets high on oxygen. Too bad the Greeks didn't have a word for "wasted".
• I.M .......... Neikea ("quarrels")
• The less said the better.
• S-M.L .......... Polyhymnia ("muse of choral poetry")
•  To tell you the truth, I have no idea where this came from. -points at Mnem- IT WAS ALL HER. But, in any case, Polyhymnia likes singing. That's probably why.
• A.W ......... Hestia ("hearth")
• Honestly? I LOL-ed when Mnem threw this name in. Hestia? Hearth? Pfft. Bah, Mnem, you add something. I can't think of anything. :S 
• M.N.......... Euphrosyne ("joy, mirth")
• Unfortunately, she is going to be leaving this year! -weeps- No, I am not being sarcastic. It sounds like it, but I'm not. Euphrosyne's never in a bad mood... unless you count reveling in the joy of verbally bashing some of her not-so-good-at-teaching teachers until a hit combo of a sideways eight was reached (Yes, I like making video game comparisons. What are you going to do, sue me?). Believe me, its happened.
• L.T........... Lycorias ("blond Nereid")
• She swims like a fish. I swear. I'm in her P.E class. That, and she's blonde. Not much to be said. Potential candidates for her pseudonym were Eirene and Euphrosyne... but they were already taken. 
• Y.S........... Thalia ("Muse of Comedy")
• ... she rivals Methe. If you thought that wasn't possible before, too bad, it is now. Let's also add the fact that she talks like she has microphone attached to speakers turned waaaaaaaaay up.
• E.D........... Concordia ("unanimity")
• Help!

Boys

• A.R .......... Atlas ("hell if I know")
• Quote Mnem: 'So goddamn tall!' There are people taller than him. 's just that he's the tallest person that we're actually familiar with. 
• M.C ......... Mania ("madness")
• From cracking perverted jokes in addition to being the dedicated wifey of Lethe, Mania represents everything that is - sad to say - WTF. If Lethe and Mania are either both men or women in actuality... ... ... ... who cares? They're still married (not in real life, anyway. They sure ACT like it though).
• A.N .......... Lethe ("forgetfulness")
• He forgets. A lot. Let the fact that Mnem was verbally bashing him for not bringing in his part of the project, in addition to my attempt to wrangle him at another group member's request be known. 

 And let us not forget the gracious creators of this blog ;P (Well, one of them can only really be called gracious, anyway).

• Mnemosyne - 'Memory'
• The embodiment of the stereotypical overachiever. Take THAT, Mnem! In any case, the first snarky comments about our wonderful -cough- friends originated from her tiny head, but large brain. No, she does not have a head like Jimmy Neutron does. Although, if it were a cartoon, yep, she'd be Jimmy without a doubt. 
• Chronos / Kairos - 'Time'
• The person writing this post. You know me well enough, I guess. I have a messed up sense of time in light of the 'do homework first, game later.' No, no, you have it all wrong. It must be 'game first, screw the homework.' 

-Chronos

Plans for the Future (INVADED!)

Well, well, it has finally come down to this, hasn't it?

Firstly... I WANT TO GO TO TONY ROMAS TOMORROW.
Yes, that is included within 'plans for the future'. Don't get caught up in cliches.

University scenario:
I will stalk Mnem to her university. We will live in the same apartment, and I shall cook and clean while she makes an even bigger mess for me to clean helps. One day, I will come back to the apartment, and she will be passed out in the main living room with 26 cans of Coke around her.

It'll be about the same for me, I guess. 'Cept it'd be 26 cups of barley water.
Mm... barley water.

I'm trying to see which colour causes you the most pain. I'm guessing this one comes pretty close. ;D

~Mnem- "You're Allergic To The Pink Panther Too" -osyne

Edit: horrifyingly hard to see font colours for the win.

Pretty, ain't it? :P It truly is Pink Panther now.

Nice try, but you will never be able to overpower me. Bahahahaha.

Oho, so Mnem "No Lifer Who Edits Other People's Posts Pedophile Stalker Ninja" is drawing out the battle eh? Well, have at thee. -remembers her washing blow-

-Chronos
Before you ask... yes, it's always been about the food.

Great. Just great. I think I've just perpetually given myself nightmares made my day.
Edit: Roflmao-ing your own entry FTW.
THIS AIN'T SPARTA WOMAN. IT'S ORANGES. ORANGES.

What's in a name?

We need to come up with pseudonyms for those folks unfortunate enough (or epic enough, pick one) to appear in these hallowed blacklisted pages. Remember the list I gave you a while back? No, didn't think you would. Here they are with initials, you should be able to twig their real identities.

GIRLS

AS - Didi
SP - ?
S-M L - Hsiu Mei
MN - Kei
AT - Izumi
RH - Renata
LT - Emilia
IM - Claire (?)
SH - ?
AW - ?

I think that's most of our gang. Runescape's calling, I'll catch up on this later.

~Mnem- "Let's Hope They Never See This" -osyne