How to write a back-from-the-dead post in sixteen easy and somewhat accurately described sentences

Obligatory odd first sentence. Sarcastic second sentence. Thoughtful third sentence, and then apologetic fourth. Explanatory fifth sentence, expository sixth sentence, seventh sentence stuffed with excuses and half-meant promises to not do that again for a while. Eighth sentence negating seventh sentence and therefore crossed out for purposes of comedy. Ninth sentence completely deadpan.

And then, from out of the blue, the tenth sentence.

~Mnem- "And here we put a nonsensical phrase" -osyne

EDIT: Eleventh sentence as an inane afterthought. Twelfth sentence assuring readers of sanity. Thirteenth sentence making derogatory reference to twelfth. Fourteenth complaining about lack of sleep. Fifteenth signing off. Sixteenth... zzz...