Autism crackers, bad math, and existentialist jokes

And over there are the ADD pretzels,

right next to the schizophrenia beer.

Marketing people are sneaky buggers.

I want. I get. I happy.

~Mnem

Laik whut?

So I'm on our Stats page, idly browsing through the referral links (because I'm just morbid like that), when I come across this.

Out of curiosity, I clicked on the URL. Took me to some renovating site written up completely in Russian. (Yeah, Mnem, as if the .ru kept it a massive secret.) Off to the ever-reliable **coughNOTcough** Google Translate, which very kindly ran the webpage through with the fine-edged blade **coughHAHAcough** of computerized translation for me. It didn't make much more sense in English. Couldn't find a single referring link either. Someone out there is pulling strings, but the .ru is making me nervous, because Chronos once had this period of about two months when she would randomly spam a link to somebar.ru in her MSN conversations with me. That URL led to a website which made a neat business out of glomming worms (the invasive, cybertronic, borderline illegal ones) to the computers of hapless visitors. Bottom line is, don't trust a website what looks like it has nothing whatsoever to do there. The Internet is a scary place.

So, lesson here is:

-yawns-

The lesson is: ...

-rubs eyes-

The lesson to be learnt is--

-slumps over-

~Mnem- "zzz" -osyne

The First Award to Be Given Out--!

I could have done a better job. :(

EDIT: Lies. --Mnem

BUT HERE YOU GO MNEM!

The Ferret Gun, its family and its affliates proudly presents you with

THE SIGNATURE OF ACHIEVEMENT

For singlehandedly keeping Ferret Gun afloat with constant posting.

We all appreciate it when you put in extra effort when Chronos goes on strike to reach our goal!



A specially made signature to recognize your achievement! (You don't have to use it.)

Just recognizing your awesomeness. Seriously, thanks for all those extra posts!

-Chronos, the Ferret Gun family, and those other people who sponsor us but not really.
(+ extraneous formatting by Mnem. Who says "D'awww thankyou :)" to everything above.)

Ce que nous appelons une rose by any other name akan bau wangi, pt II

I like languages.

In particular, I am fond of French (have been studying it for four years, Norwegian (can't understand a word, can pronounce written text fairly accurately), and Dutch (ik hou van der Nederlandse taal and yes I had to use Google Translate to come up with that). And English is always good for poking around in the linguistic end of things; but in terms of pure fascination, nothing except maybe Russian. And Basque. Because nobody but Russians and the Basque understand Russian and Basque beats a constructed language. There's all this debate about humans deluding themselves that they are God by taking other people's lives in their hands, or daring to synthesize new life--how come there isn't a single murmur over the slow, systematic resurrection of the Tower of Babel?

Don't get me wrong, mind. I'm not saying that there should be a big fuss over the creation of new languages. In fact, I think it's wonderful that there are attempts being made to bridge the linguistic divide. Lack of a common means of discourse is quite possibly the number one obstacle behind world peace, because interpreters are only human and subtle shades of meaning are inevitably lost in the shift from one language to another. The creation of a universal "second language", to be learnt after and in complement to one's native tongue, is an admirable goal. I do not think it will ever be accomplished but it is nevertheless an admirable goal to strive for.

And in light of that, here is the Lord's prayer in four different constructed languages and one natural, arranged roughly by level of popularity--but with English last because I would like to challenge the reader to make some sense of the transcriptions before reading the actual text. (Hint: It helps if you know a Romance language such as Spanish or French. Like srsly. They're all totally Eurocentric here.)

Esperanto:

Patro nia, kiu estas en la ĉielo,
sanktigata estu Via nomo.
Venu Via regno.
Fariĝu Via volo,
kiel en la ĉielo, tiel ankaŭ sur la tero.
Nian panon ĉiutagan donu al ni hodiaŭ.
Kaj pardonu al ni niajn ŝuldojn,
kiel ankaŭ ni pardonas al niaj ŝuldantoj.
Kaj ne konduku nin en tenton,
sed liberigu nin de la malbono.

Interlingua:

Nostre Patre, qui es in le celos,
que tu nomine sia sanctificate;
que tu regno veni;
que tu voluntate sia facite
super le terra como etiam in le celo.
Da nos hodie nostre pan quotidian,
e pardona a nos nostre debitas
como nos pardona a nostre debitores,
e non duce nos in tentation,
sed libera nos del mal.

Ido:

Patro nia, qua esas en la cielo,
tua nomo santigesez;
tua regno advenez;
tua volo facesez
quale en la cielo tale anke sur la tero.
Donez a ni cadie l'omnidiala pano,
e pardonez a ni nia ofensi,
quale anke ni pardonas a nia ofensanti,
e ne duktez ni aden la tento,
ma liberigez ni del malajo.

English:

Our Father, who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
But deliver us from evil.

Out of the four above, I'd have to say my favourite is Interlingua, most probably because it is the one that resembles French the most. Esperanto has a bit of an alien feel to it (WTF did they get the little hats circonflexes from anyways?) and Ido is like the poor man's Esperanto (hatless, as it were), but Interlingua strikes a fine balance between familiarity and WTF is going on here. Could I learn it? Probably. Could you? Eh, probably. As stated before the odds are in your favour if you have some experience of a Romance language beforehand. However, these languages were constructed precisely so people from many varying linguistic backgrounds could come together underneath a single system of speech and writing. I'm pretty sure it's feasible.

What I find most telling, though--and perhaps a little touching--, is that the word "Esperanto" literally means "hopeful". Ludwig Lazarus Zamenhof was a Russian-Jewish ophthalmologist whose childhood in the culturally segregated town of Bialystok inspired him to create a Lingwe uniwersala that would, he decided, foster harmony between cultures and bring the world closer together. There is something fresh about his language. It has today about 300 000 speakers, which may not exactly fulfill the criteria for total world domination  "universal second language" quite yet, it's the one with the best chance, and I solemnly salute the dedication of the many towards this dream of a more open future.

Now if only it were to get rid of those stupid hats.

~Mnem

D'AWWWWWWW.

LOOKIE HERE MNEM, LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

Slightly terrifying, but perhaps something Mnem would like.

I HEREBY DUB THIS HYBRID CREATURE A ROWL. Or an Owlbit. Eh. Whatever catchy combining of the names grabs your fancy.

-Chronos

LOOK! LOOK OVER HERE!

... what? Why are you looking in this direction?

There's nothing to see here. Shoo, shoo shoo.

Fwahahaha, with this, we only have 5 posts left to write--

YOU

SAW

NOTHING.

THIS

IS

ABSOLUTELY

NOT,

IN

ESSENCE,

A

STALL

POST.

STALL POST?! WHERE?!

-Chronos

Huhwaitwhat? Vol III: Instant Messenger of Doom - March Archives -The Epileptic Inks -

Mnem's head on a stick. [by Chronos]

Chronos' head on a stick. [by Mnemosyne]

The gluestick mascot. [by Chronos]

(Apparently) Chronos in a paper bag. [by Chronos]

(Apparently) Chronos in a paper bag version 2.0. [by Chronos]

Guy with an abnormally large nose looking over a wall. [by Mnemosyne]

Mnemosyne before car accident. [by Chronos]

"Chronos is inside the jail, I am outside it." [by Mnemosyne]

Humpty Dumpty (or some random yellow potato resembling him) on a wall. [by Chronos]

Another rendition of "Who is In the Jail Cell?" [by Chronos]

Yet another rendition of "Who is In the Jail Cell?". [by Mnemosyne]

Mnemosyne in the midst of a rough storm / the blue flames of hell. [by Chronos]

-Chronos

(+ additional formatting by Mnem)

Ce que nous appelons une rose by any other name akan bau wangi, pt I

NEWS FLASH: Bahasa Indonesia has no past tense.

Why yes, I did just figure this out after speaking it (as a second language) for the past ten years.

kdfjlglkjfdg;klj ← Ignorant Mnem is ignorant.

Or, as Chronos would say, "VLA VLA VLA VLA VLA VLA VLA VLA VLA FISH. YES, FISH. YOU ARE A FISH. I AM A FISH. VLA VLA VLA. FISH."

~Mnem- "Just kill me now and get it over with" -osyne

RE: XCXXVII

I got curious today and started wondering what XCXXVII (see prev. post) actually meant. Looked up a Roman to Arabic numerals converter on Google, went to CalculateMe.com's converter page, plugged in the offending digits, and was promptly told off for having bad form.

"XCX is not correct syntax. Replace with C."

Yes, I did just get burned by an online service.

My little mind, she is blown.

~Mnemosyne

PS. CXVII = 117.

Total Cop-Out XCXXVII CXVII: The Demotivational Edition

Sounds just like Chronos. Note to self: do not ask that girl to cheer you up unless all windows in the vicinity have been safely secured.

Touché.

True that. I absolutely cannot stand the kid. (Yes, I know he's technically older than me, but how come I can sing deeper than he does?)

Robin: -facepalm-

Billboards never lie, yo, especially if they're the rearrangeable kind.

-cuteness readings go through the roof-

THE HAT

OMFG

THE OWL

LOLOL

THE LEGS

BUT IT'SH SHO SHMAAAAALL

D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW -boom-

~Mnem- "-drifts gently back to earth in little pieces-" -osyne

ZOMGFISH.

Look! It's Chronos and Mnem!

(No, seriously, this is us. For real this time.)

Random Bits Of Information That You May Or May Not Have Any Interest Whatsoever In Acquiring That Somehow Pertain To This Picture:

1. The pink creature on Chronos' head would be Chomp, the smiley-defenestrating octopus she cheated out of an arcade claw booth, and I say cheated because arcade claw booths are designed for the very purpose of providing a long-term home to their fuzzy little occupants. You're not actually ever meant to win anything off them... not by legal means at least. -shifty look-
2. I don't actually have pink hair. Nor is it straight. But I do possess that headband (although IRL it has white polkadots on it, because everything is better when it's eyecrunching) and a wig cut in that style, which I wore to school on Thursday in order to commemorate the 28th of October (otherwise known as The One Day You Get To Dress Up In School Because Hallowe'en Has The Nerve To Fall On A Weekend This Year). The look I was going for was Pippi Longstocking, complete with red plaid dress, layers over and under said dress, purple shoes, and long stockings socks (that also had dots!!!!!1!!one!), but somehow everybody kept telling me I was Lady Gaga, or Cyndi Lauper, or Wednesday Addams, or Hit-Girl, or Scout from TKAM, or some songstress from an all-girl K-pop band. (Weird.) I also got an unhealthy amount of comments to the effect of "You'd look nice if you actually styled your hair that way" and an equally objectionable although much more humorous amount of "Why did you dye your hair pink?", to say nothing of the odd joker who strolls past, double-takes, and then says real quietly, "Nice socks." -breathes- Run-ons FTW.
3. These were two separate pictures that I popped into GIMP and traced over by hand. Don't have a tablet (but Chronos does, lucky beggar) so it was all mousework for me. Got the nice smooth final look by running the inked and coloured .png through Inkscape's path tracer, which converts bitmaps (the image format based on pixels which is famous for exploding in high zoom mode) into vectors (the image format based on mathematical formulae which is famous for not exploding in high zoom mode). Because practically nobody and nothing accepts .svg files I screenshotted the final result and tossed it into GIMP once again. Consider it a sort of artistic volleyball, if you will, but if the shoe fits...
4. LOL Chronos looks really Chinese here doesn't she? -grins-
5. Font is Lemons Can Fly. Get it from here, not here, because the .zip from the latter site will throw a hissy fit and demand a password upon extraction.
6. I like the way I drew the hair--for both of them (both of us?). Criticism in this area will be met with tank-crushing. See previous post for the gory details.
7. Holy shet that was a lot of writing.
8. Haha, it's late.
9. We're not really talking about the picture now are we?
10. ... screw that.
11. ~Mnem

19 < 31

And today is the 29th. I predict not meeting the quota this month, shame on us, shame on us. Fool me once--shame on you. Fool me twice--shame on me. Fool me thrice--GET YOUR LYING ARSE THE FK OUTTA HERE YOU BASTARD OR I'M COMING AFTER YOU WITH A TWELVE-BORE RIFLE.

Or, you know, I could always chuck you under a tank.

If we fail our mission of writing more entries than there are days in the month of October, it will be the third time we have shamed the motherblog (see June and September). Better get those running shoes out then.

~Mnem

Happy 5th Month Anniversary, Ferret Gun!

./wanders in

So sorry I haven't been around.

Says it all, really.

But as compensation for leaving this blog to dry like a hanging sardine, here is a treat.

Hopefully it'll amuse you for a few days.

WE ARE STILL ON EMOTICON STRIKE. 
We also have some fried smileyface. Would you like to try some?  

-Chronos

Post from the past

I have no idea how I was doing on the 15th of August, but it must not have been very well, because I found this nestled deep in our drafts pile:

George the Third on a tricycle, what the hell was I thinking? This is a happy blog. It is an irreverent blog. It is not a blog for emo postings (we are, however, more than happy to host emu omu postings). Therefore we must be happy and irreverent and most of all snarky. Was the last post any of that? I think not.

And then it peters out, and the mystery roars into life. What was the entry in question? And why was I so upset?

I suppose I could end it quickly by running to our archives for the post made just before 15/08/10, but that would be too much of a killjoy. Isn't that why we're keeping this blog, though? To be a killjoy To keep little bits and pieces of the past alive for future recollection? Us humans, we have terrible memories. Vast amounts of data are lost to us forever because we simply don't have enough "space" to retain it. We have grown dependent on technological crutches (think of the photograph, the calendar, the humble Post-It note) and our internal memory has suffered as a result. The appeal, nay, the possibility of having vast amounts of poetry or prose lurking unbidden in our minds has diminished to the extent that little children are no longer taught mnemonics, middle-schoolers no longer have to swallow facts whole, and high-schoolers are assured that dates of course don't matter unless you're referring to the non-platonic kind--but I don't want it to. In losing our opportunities to remember, and committing everything to the clean and artless format of digital memory, we are losing the quirky little frailties that make us human. And if we lost those frailties then we would be perfect, if we could remember it all, and we would be as good as and no better than the average computer. And where is the romanticism in that?

So I'll let this post stay a mystery, for the same reason that cold cases stick around while neatly solved, one-week affairs don't; we remember the anomalous, and discard the familiar like dying leaves. After all, I am the personification of memory. There is something to be said about the fallible and oh-so-human art of recall.

~Mnemosyne

My life according to Paramore

I already put up the AAR version of this meme on my LJ, but I got bored approximately thirty seconds later and decided to have a fling with my other favourite band's song titles. Expect a Queen version too eventually. (I'm not a complicated girl.)

Anyhoo, for those of you who haven't been touched by the Great Meme God In The Sky, this is the one where they throw questions at you and demand that you answer using only song titles from a specific artist. More taxing than it looks, really, but kind of fun.

Mnem's list:
1. Are you a male or a female? Whoa
2. Describe yourself: For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic
3. How do you feel? Crushcrushcrush
4. Describe where you currently live: Brick By Boring Brick
5. If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Where The Lines Overlap
6. Favorite method of transportation: Turn It Off
7. You want: The Only Exception
8. Your friend is: Feeling Sorry
9. You and your best friends are: Born For This
10. What's the weather like? Here We Go Again
11. Favorite time of day: When It Rains
12. If your life was a tv show, what would it be called? All We Know
13. What is life to you? Playing God
14. Your fear: Misguided Ghosts
15. What is the best advice you have to give? Never Let This Go
16. Thought for the day: That's What You Get
17. How would you like to die? Conspiracy
18. Your soul's present condition: Brighter
19. Your motto: Let The Flames Begin

~Mnemosyne

"I have been busy", says Chronos. "BULLSHIT!", yells Mnem.

Since I have nothing better to do, I might as well.

No, I haven't been avoiding you. 's just that writer's blocks keep slamming down in front of me--

CRASH

...well, this time it landed on me. No worries, Mad will come back with a spatula soon enough.

-Chronos "I REALLY can't think of anything. Lol @ 131 posts for Mnem, 103 posts for Chronos."

"Flying rats!"

Adorable, candy-coloured ones.

(Hue/sat recolours of this vector set, from the oddly likable Vecteezy.)

~Mnemosyne

Members of our extended FG family [an unfinished list]

Cats

• Coraline Avatar Titanic ("Corrie"): originally Mnem's cat, but now a fully fledged member of the Ferret Gun family and queen of the lower floors. Is blue more often than not. Wife of Eli.
• Franklyn Elizabeth Lassie Insomnia Nosferatu Evita ("Liza"): superfluous ambassador between ourselves and the animals; receives free psychological counselling as part of her job perks. Corrie's sister.

Ferrets

• Freaking Epic Rage Rage Eli Omu Tricycle ("Eli Trick"): a genteel, sophisticated fellow with a British accent and a fondness for tweed and scones. The only animal member of our inner circle possessed of the faculty of speech. Husband of Corrie.
• Nin: one of Chronos' Ninja Ferrets. Now you see him, now you don't.
• Jafer: another Ninja Ferret. Chandelier fixer-upper extraordinaire.
• Ret: the last Ninja Ferret. Responsible for most of the bedwetting incidents amongst the newer recruits.
• Martin Luferret: Dorm Head and mediator. Also a vocal critic of the Norman Cathartic Church. Has a thing for nuns, but as long as he keeps seventeen rowdy ferrets and seventeen rowdy ferret beds in tip-top shape, we shall not pass judgement.

Humans

• Chronos: resident mad (evil?) scientist, tinkerer of space/time, ninja ferret inaugurator, and cook.
• Mnemosyne: incorrigible paintress, opener of windows, record-keeper, and cleaner.
• The Head Gardener: exactly what it says on the tin on his namecard. Worships Chronos after she stitched his hand back on, but only because she very conveniently forgot to remind him that it was she who sliced it off in the first place.
• The Little Old Lady Who Lives On The Top Floor With Twenty-Six Cats And A Pronounced Interest In Taxidermy: because every house needs a topic to avoid at the dinner table.

Omus

• Ostrich Supper Triangle Random Imp Chop-Chop Ha-Ha Emu Mop Unicyc ("Omu"): neurotic, fiendish, oddly toothsome. Six-time winner of the bimonthly Metaphorical Marathon (look at those legs!), itinerant knitter, and ninja in training. Has a reputation for pushing people off the top landing and then braining them with flowerpots on the way down. Wife of Mad.
• Mikaelomu: a talented sculptor. Responsible for the creepy gargoyles in Chronos' and Mnem's images that bedeck the gothically themed ledges of the Animals' Wing, not to mention the marble lawn gnomes dotting the grounds and the Postmodern cabinet fixtures in the kitchen.
• Peggy: runs a transport service which hires out and maintains a fleet of corridor-ready vehicles ("'cuz this is a damn big tower, you know?" -- Chronos). Looks upon hybrids with ill-disguised scorn. Restores 19th-century bicycles in her spare time.

Penguins

• Pen Excalibur Nomad Gwin Umbrella Ink Ninja ("Mad", "Destroyer Of Worlds", "Oh God Please No Put That Down Please I'm Begging You "): Chronos' ward, protector, and right-hand bird. Can often be found in the Bunker, where all the science-y heavy equipment / semilegal compounds are kept. Universally feared. Husband of Omu.
• Poppy: a smaller-than-average penguin who happens to be Head Penguin Gardener, second (in terms of arboreal power) only to the Head Gardener. Has souped up the lawnmower in such a way that the resultant Frankenmower (her term, not ours) is currently banned in thirty-seven countries and subject to ongoing investigation in a further fifteen.
• Guintler: always on his soapbox. As fine an orator as can be had in the avian world. Also used as target practice when the ferrets get restless.
• Gardening Task Force: a tightly-knit cadre of specially trained penguin horticulturalists, landscapers, and hedge pruners. Suspicious of outsiders. Capable of doing terrible things with fertilizer sacks.
• Kung Fu Panda: a penguin in a panda suit who won't tell anybody why he's in a panda suit. Currently responsible for training ninja ferrets and taking charge of Tower security. Has previously taken out intruders with a combination of ballpoint pens, chewed twine, and the little clear things on the ends of shoelaces.

Misc

• October Chomp-Chomp Tentacles Orange Partyhat Underground Squawk ("Chomp"): neon pink octopus perpetually glued to Chronos' head/shoulder. Akin to an ambitious headcrab with fluoro tendencies, or a really big benign tick. Morally opposed to fried calamari. Unimpressed by soccer.
• Ominous Swiveling Watchful Lollipop ("Swiv"): small, candy-coloured owl. Knows all. Sees all. Has a fondness for CSI: NY and turning 360 degrees without moving an inch. Watches the entrances of both Chronos' and Mnem's wings thanks to a duplicate, indistinguishable from the real one. Recently voted "Most Likely To Be Seen On FBI's Most Wanted"* at the annual Tower Staff Get-Together, due to stalkerish tendencies and incessant hooting at unholy hours of the morning.

~Mnemosyne

*Mad was disqualified for reasons of already being on the Most Wanted list (#7).

OH GOD IT'S SATURDAY. THERE ARE ONLY TWO MORE DAYS OF BREAK LEFT.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The week went by too fast ;__;

I bet this is all the Canadians' doing.

Either that, or the liberals. Or the marshmallow testers down the street. Or the little old lady on the top floor of our tower with twenty-six cats and a pronounced interest in taxidermy. Somebody. Not us. But somebody.

~Mnem- "Suspicious is my middle name" -osyne

I may have got a B in math, but at least I know that 11 < 22

Unlike Chronos, who steadfastly refuses to write anything for FG anymore. If this is a boycott, then she had better hire a more competent PR agent, because I have no idea what point she is trying to prove with this strike. Girl is nuts, IMHO. Although it's not as if you didn't know that. (Overuse of the Link and Font Colour tools FTW. They aren't going to waste themselves, y'know?)

Anyhoo, iz 11:52 at night, I spent half an hour parsing through the blog to find those links (although admittedly twenty of those minutes were spent on that endlessly distracting sinkhole of funny, Very Demotivational) and I am sure as hell too lazy/tired (pick one) to finish this post off on a proper note, so I will leave you with a bunch of witty pictures and let them do the talking.

~Mnemosyne

Ferret is the new black

I made mention a few posts back of my seven standard colours, the ones I have decided are MINE ALL MINE and will probably use to within an inch of their lives in the foreseeable future. Remember? No? Well, you will, because I'm going to shove them up your eyeballs in approximately five seconds (or however long it takes you to read this little string of text).

Next time anybody asks me for my favourite colour, I'm just going to point them in this direction, because I love every single one of those shades equally and without discrimination. (Except for the orange, yo, which is totally more equal than all of them put together. Not that I'm biased or anything.) They're like my children, if you could slap children on questionable line drawings and call it art. Wait...

Actually, on second thought, let's not go in that direction. The RSPCC is already after my hide for that "babysitting" incident (although in my defense nobody ever said you weren't allowed to tie them to the lawnmower while you did a little light gardening).

~Mnemosyne

Documentation of the all-too-common lame pun monster, also known as Chronos

Because somebody said they wanted proof she was alive. Or it may just have been the schizo talking to herself, I don't know.

(Between you and me, it is getting a little harder to distinguish between what's real and what's not nowadays. Sometimes I pick up the phone and hold a lovely long chat with an old friend--"Hi, how are you, how are the kids, burnt any bridges recently?"--before realizing that the number hasn't been dialled, the cord isn't plugged in, and I have, in fact, been talking to a banana all along.)

 But I digress. Witness the Chronos in all her blinding, blinding eloquence.

She's the blue nutcase text, by the way, although I'm fairly sure the punage OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE made it obvious. -ahem-

Speaking of voices in heads:

(Mnem and Atlas pass a BlackBerry ad with the tagline "Talk to your inner, inner circle!")
Atlas: Disturbing.
Mnem: Wait, isn't your inner inner circle the voices in your head?
Atlas: For you, maybe--
Mnem: Awesome, I can bbm them now!

Yeah.

~Mnemosyne

Moar fun at LJ's expense

I'm enjoying this. Can you tell? -big grin-

~Mnem

Return of the GIMP monster + the siege of LiveJournal

Ooh, look at me, I'm so scary, rawr rawr. Me and my layers and my opacity and Gaussian blur and my slightly unnerving pop-eyed dog.

We are unsettlingly fuzzy, and we are legion.

But, I digress. Here's another random act of GIMPage to sate your hunger. Not really even FG-related this time (unless you count the repeated abuse use of my much-loved seven standard colours):

She was originally meant as a LJ header, but apparently we ungrateful non-paid members don't get to customize our themes to that extent (think of the anarchy that would result!), so I guess she gets the consolation prize of being my userpic. For what it's worth the new journal is at sock-thing.livejournal.com although it is, as of now, empty as a savvy plumber's condom packet.

OMFG A SEX JOKE
THE HILLS
RUN FOR THEM

... psych.

I have to say, I'm kind of looking forward to this journaling shtick. (Don't worry, I won't be leaving FG behind, because I still need somewhere to make fun of LJ itself.)

Here is your anarchy, people.

Muahaha.

~Mnem

Obligatory funny .gif

Because there is not enough joy in this world. Also, dancing Batman.

~Mnem

EDIT: I watched it again with Paramore's "Fences" playing in the background. The effect was akin to divine enlightenment.

Doomful frogs abound. Also, hippos + swearing

So maybe I lied about the frogs. Pshh.

Mad: ./hops off spatula
Mad: ./boots Mnem into the hole
Mnem: -shrieks-
Mnem: -grabs Mad-
Mnem: -both of them tumble down-
Chronos: Mad's... tubbiness will get him stuck in a hole at one point...
Chronos: ./pop sound
Chronos: There we go.
Mnem: -clings ferociously to a flipper-
Chronos: Oooh, not for long though.
Mnem: -scrambles up penguin-
Chronos: ./hippo comes tumbling down
Mnem: OH SHIT SHIT SHIT
Chronos: Dear dear dear.

~Mnem

Encounters of the self-sim kind, part I

There has been a resurgence of interest in Sims 2 amongst Chronos and myself lately. However, when I say "interest", I do not in any way mean to imply that we are up to the same brands of digital mischief. She is content with doing healthy, normal things like raising families and stranding random townies in 4x4 swimming pools. I, on the other hand, occupy myself with poking innocent pixels into looking a little less like Joe Q. Public and a little more like (le gasp) us. Not healthy. Not healthy at all. But perhaps a little normal.

The term is "self-sim" (alternative titles referencing narcissism, egotism, and lack of adequate attention during childhood were vetoed by the early gaming community), and quite frankly I do not understand the need for such things. If you want to look at yourself, go grab a mirror. If you want to have your dream home, go build it. If you want to juggle seven relationships at once, reach the top of the military career and cook breakfast in the buff, then there's nothing stopping you from doing that, except perhaps federal laws and a little thing called family honour. But I digress. A self-sim is unnecessary. And Mnemosyne is a colossal hypocrite, because she just spent a good forty-five minutes making not one but two self-sims, although she pleads leniency due to the fact that only one of them was of her.

Prepare for retinal damage, people.

"Aw, that ain't too bad!" Well, yes, I suppose, apart from the fact that she looks nothing like me. There's the face structure, or lack of it, and the weird skintone. Shiny? Really? Wtf was I thinking when I grabbed this? The phrase I've heard used before is "buttered ham", and in retrospect they were on to something. Real people don't look like that unless they have some sort of frog gene therapy going on. It ain't so bad here because I hid it up in long sleeves and trousers (incidentally, I do this in real life too, although there is the need to make clear that I do not resemble any sort of oiled meat in my day-to-day wanderings), but it damn near comes close to glowing in the freaking dark. (Hey, wait a minute...)

The hairstyle I can refrain from chucking out the window, except for the barrette (barrettes steal your soul when you're not looking). The clothes are somewhat similar to what I would like to wear IRL provided the weather allowed for it, which it most patently does not, living as we do in Southeast Asia. Final verdict: horrible. Onwards ho.

OMGWTFBBQ IT'S CHRONOS! THE HILLS! RUN FOR THEM!

LOLJK don't hurt me please. -shrinks back into chair-

This is my attempt at Chronos, as you may or may not have inferred from the all-caps up there. Words cannot express how un-Chronos this Sim is. The face! It does not resemble her face at all! It's as if I have never seen her by the light of anything more substantial than a dying firefly on his last milliwatt of strength! The hair! It does not resemble her hair at all! By the gods, it's as if this isn't Chronos at all, but a badly made, totally unreferenced, I haven't-actually-seen-her-since-Friday unwarranted selfsim... owait. Owait, yeah, it is.

-makes face-

She does wear clothes like that sometimes, though, which is the only point I will allow. Usually when she sleeps. No, I do not watch her when she sleeps. Not often. I mean... never. :B Never, yeah, never. She snores Would I lie to you?
Chronos: Yes.

Oh shut up and go away and let me work on these abominations in peace.

~Mnemosyne

The importance of regular cleaning

-blows dust off mantelpiece-

-dust swirls around room, fluttering the feathers of a stuffed cockatoo-

-stuffed cockatoo rocks slightly, dislodging a marble from the pyramid of marbles it is perched on-

-marble rolls off mantelpiece, runs into furrow between skirting board and floorboard, and rolls-

-rolling marble bumps leg of antique coatstand, making "ping!" noise-

-"ping!" noise jolts sleeping sentry penguin awake, who bumps her head on a low shelf-

-low shelf is upset, showering trinkets onto end table-

-end table totters and then topples over, landing on sentry penguin's flipper-

-sentry penguin screeches and stumbles backwards, knocking over antique coatstand-

-antique coatstand falls, trailing scarves and raincoats through the air-

-scarf is caught on dangly bit of chandelier; sentry penguin, hopping around, trips on upended coatstand and treads on loose scarf end-

-chandelier is jerked downwards-

-bits of plaster rain down from ceiling-

-chandelier + ceiling collapse-

Oh dear.

~Mnemosyne

Huhwaitwhat? Vol III: Instant Messenger of Doom - February Archives

Since Mnem and I talk frequently on MSN, we are bringing Instant Messenger of Doom installments through montly archives. :B

<---INSERT DISTRACTING LINE BREAK HERE--->

Mnemosyne: May I ask what the little bunny creature monster thing pulling stars out of the frame has to do with any of this?

Mnemosyne: HOLD UP! We’re suing hit men? Think about it for a minute, Chronos. That’s like asking a ninja to pay his cell phone bills.

Mnemosyne: Crap, a shuriken.

Chronos: Yes. Fear the tinny weapon that will lead you to your doooooom.

Mnemosyne: Tinny or tiny?

Chronos: I meant to say tinny.

-after spamming some emoticons-

Mnemosyne: They’re so epic. This must be what it’s like to have a voodoo zombie black magic army.

Mnemosyne: Bored of your brain? Morbid about your mental state? Try ShakaLobo! The best in the field of quick and painless lobotomies. Get that irritating left hemisphere out of your life TODAY! Note: Doctors are not qualified physicians/brain surgeons, but are actually actors. Unemployed actors. Or at any rate, they will be.

Mnemosyne: -facepalm- Every time you write “ebil”, I think “gerbil”. I’m sorry.

-after Chronos has trapped Mnemosyne under an upside down laundry basket weighed down with rocks-

Chronos: -fixes- Happy?
Mnemosyne: As happy as I can be in a laundry basket under a pile of rocks with a leaking water dripper and wet clothes and an ancient loaf of bread that is moving slowly towards me as I speak.

-after Chronos gave Mnemosyne an animated bread roll named Lily-

Lily: 8D –walks over to computer and starts Facebooking-

Mnemosyne: Well, that’s creepy.

Lily: -adds Mnem- -jumps- FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MEEEEEE! 8DDDDDDDD
Mnemosyne: -grabs security camera- -shakes- CHRONOS HELP ME WHAT THE HELL DO I FEED IT?!

Chronos: Oh, just give it a drop of your blood every day. –small dagger lands on the table-

Mnemosyne: -whimpers-

Lily: Hey, Mnemosyne. Dude, just gimme a French fry or something. Why are you holding a dagger? Hello? Hellooooooo?

Mnemosyne: -puts dagger down-

Chronos (over speakers): Oh yeah, I lied.

Mnemosyne: I KILL YOU.

Mnemosyne: Yes, life is unfair and sexist even in little kid cartoons.

Mnemosyne: -commences drinking song- Whaddya do wiv a drunken shailor? –hic-

Chronos: Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. In other words… KILL THEM! –stab-

Mnemosyne: -nervous hiccup-

Chronos: Still croaking, eh? –stab stab stab stab-

Mnemosyne: -dying hiccups-

Chronos: Hm… -sticks in coffin-

Mnemosyne: -encoffinated hiccups-

Chronos: -calls Mnem’s parents- Uh, yeah, currently dying. Friend? Yeah. Uh huh. I’m sorry.

Mnemosyne: -“get me out of this wooden box” hiccup-

Chronos: What was that? Oh, nothing. I’m sorry, just her dying words… yes, she is very, very sick…

Mnemosyne: -“WTF are you talking to?” hiccup-

Chronos: You heard her? No, I’m sorry, you must be mistaken…

Mnemosyne: -“WTF are you doing this?” hiccup-

Chronos: Hm… yes… -bonks Mnem on head with hammer- Oh dear. A complication. … oh, nothing, sorry! I’ll call you back with more news. –hangs up-

Mnemosyne: -“ouch” hiccup-

Chronos: STOP LIVING DAMMIT. –bonk bonk bonk ponk ponk ponk-

Mnemosyne: I think I’m supposed to be working on the essay right now. : ( But it can wait. [fast forward to Tuesday morning] CRAP CRAP CRAP : P

Chronos: LOL. As expected of Mnemosyne.

Mnemosyne: -snort- At least it gets done.

Chronos: Psh if it was me… I WOULD BE SCREWED. D8 WHICH IS WHY IT IS CALLED HOME… work.

Mnemosyne: Chronos, it is you. You’re in the same pickle.

Chronos: … DAMMIT.

Mnemosyne: Big pickle, obviously, to fit both of us…

Chronos: -starts writing- THOUGH I HATE PICKLES. –starts writing again-

Mnemosyne: Whyyyyyyy do you haaaaaaaate piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiickles?

Chronos: They look like cucumbers. And they are suspended in fluid when not eaten. In other words… THEY ARE CYBORGS FROM THE FUTURE THAT PLAN TO TAKE OVER OUR BRAAAAAAINS!

Chronos: You are surrounded by two of my armies. Surrender.

Mnemosyne: Never. THIS IS SPARTA! –charges-

Chronos: No it ain’t. –armies NOM Mnem’s army-

Mnemosyne: What army?

Chronos: Thanks for that, I won’t have to worry about feeding them for… 10 years?

Mnemosyne: -confused- I think you will have a lot of explaining to do… that wasn’t my army you ate.

Chronos: Well, who cares, it was someone’s. And it will keep them full for 10 years. So screw whose army it was.

Mnemosyne: -quietly slips from room-

Chronos: -wakes up- AHA! –chases-

Mnemosyne: -flees-

Chronos: HEY, COME BACK -- -trips over rock- [insert epic slow mo] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOWAAAAAAAAAAGH -- -splat-

Mnemosyne: -returns with a lollipop-

Chronos: -stare…- YOU MADE ME CHASE AND TRIP FOR A LOLLIPOP WHY YOU LITTLE (#&$)(@#&$)(#@!*$_@!*$!@(&%()@#&$!*)@#(^%)(@#*$)(@!*$!@~!

Mnemosyne: -hurriedly presents lollipop to Chronos-

Chronos: I DON’T WANT CHER LOLLIPOP ROARZ. –returns to sulkily doing math hw-

Mnemosyne: -hurt- I never ASKED you to chase after me…

Chronos: Well, when you say –flees- and I add in some chase music in my head, it sure doesn’t help me to NOT chase after you, doesn’t it?!

-Chronos "I'm the only one that's laughing, right? :B"

Layton. Just... Layton.

There happens to be a game series, much beloved by its small yet ferocious fanbase, called Professor Layton. And that is all you need to know for now because all will be laid bare in the following anonymousified (although otherwise unedited--cross my heart and hope to die) MSN conversation.

Chronos says: I'LL DRAW UP THE FLOORPLANS FOR THE TOWER UPON THE WHALE.
Mnem says: You go do that.
Mnem says: I gotta finish this fking Bio mess.
Chronos says: Or maybe I should use Antonio's mansion instead.
Mnem says: By the way, nobody in the class correctly identified the priest murderer.
Chronos says: ... his name wasn't Antonio, was it?
Mnem says: YOU MADE ME TYPE MANSION INSTEAD OF MURDERER.
Chronos says: LOL
Mnem says: No, it wasn't Antonio.
Mnem says: -tries to remember-
Mnem says: -fails-
Chronos says: Anthony?
Mnem says: -hits up internet-
Mnem says: Anton.
Mnem says: Just Anton.
Chronos says: LOL
Chronos says: ANTONIO.
Chronos says: ./snort
Mnem says: Noice.
Chronos says: I WONDER IS THE THIRD ONE OUT IN ENGLISH YET?
Chronos says: ./hunts
Mnem says: Huhuhuhuh I want the next game so badly
Chronos says: Originals or R4?
Mnem says: R4, dude.
Mnem says: asdfgljk;ljk
Mnem says: It's out.
Chronos says: ./hunts
Mnem says: Came out last month.
Mnem says: OMGFISH I WAAAAAAANT EEEEET.
Chronos says: ROAR WHY DID YOU SHUT DOWN ROMULATION?
Chronos says: ./wail
Mnem says: ?
Chronos says: FOUNDITFOUNDITFOUNDITFOUNDITFOUNDIT.
Chronos says: 's it called Unwound Future?
Mnem says: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees.
Chronos says: FOUNDITFOUNDITFOUNDITFOUNDITFOUNDIT.
Mnem says: GIMME.
Mnem says: GIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMMEGIMME.
Chronos says: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Chronos says: Wait.
Chronos says: ./tries the next link
Mnem says: WAAAAAAAAAH.
Mnem says: ASDFAS;LKJB APOEW IFWP
Chronos says: POKEMON WHITE AND BLACK!
./ <3 <3 <3
Mnem says: WTF NO
Mnem says: JESUS
Mnem says: ON A FREAKING TRICYCLE
Mnem says: -rampages-
Chronos says: WHASTWHATWHAT?!
Mnem says: RAAAAAAWRFROG.
Mnem says: LAYTON, WOMAN!
Mnem says: LAYTOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Chronos says: PATIENCE!
Mnem says: I HAVE NONE!
Chronos says: PATIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE!
Mnem says: I HAVE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
Chronos says: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
Mnem says: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR
Chronos says: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR
Chronos says: 243 MB?!
Mnem says: WTF NO.
Chronos says: Click here.
Mnem says: Whutwhutwhut noooooooooo
Chronos says: 2 HOURS FOR ME YUSH.
Mnem says: Ahmafreakinggawd.
Chronos says: OKAY
Chronos says: YOU IZ GOING TO DOWNLOAD?
Mnem says: YUSH.
Chronos says: LAYTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

~Mnem- "Currently at 14% downloaded, with 1hr 31 minutes left" -osyne

Post Written Out of Desperation

We've had many moments where posts were written out of desperation.

Of course, we didn't bluntly name them "Post Written Out of Desperation," so HA, we still have somewhat unique title names!

-dons lifejacket- -jumps into a nearby body of water conveniently placed next to her in the Metaphorical Realm- Right, so... -bobs for a few moments-

... can't talk properly when I'm bobbing up and down like a buoy. -bobs-

Wow. This was written a while ago.

I'll just post it now to spare me the pain of seeing an unfinished draft. I'll add more when I feel like it.

./shoots Mnem a look
I wonder how many unfinished drafts lie around unfinished, eh?


-Chronos