Huhwaitwhat? Vol II: Sophomore Inanity [upd. Oct 12]

Yes, it'll be updated regularly. -shoots meaningful look at Chronos-

 AFTER SCHOOL (Chronos & Mnem)

Atlas: Seriously, the Kraken thinks the jokers in my deck are gay. -takes out cards- My God, I just realized! He's wearing black tights and a whip!

Pro: -singing in falsetto- You turn me o-on... -stares straight at Lethe-
Lethe: o_e

Mnem: -makes poorly thought-out and easily misinterpreted statement-
Chronos: -laughing- Now, I know you swing that way...
Mnem: You don't even swing at all.

BIOLOGY (Mnem)

Dr P: This is Fleshy. -shows class a stuffed toy bacterium- His scientific name is Streptoccocus somethingorother, but he's commonly referred to as the flesh-eating bacterium. If you get infected with these little guys your tissues will basically be eaten away and you might have to get the affected limb amputated in order to halt its progress. -beat- But he's just so darn cute, isn't he?

BREAKS (Chronos & Mnem)



Chronos: I can't remember what I was watching yesterday.

Mnem: Was it Numbers?

Atlas: You're pronouncing it wrong. It's meant to be Numb3ers.

Mnem: Like... "my 3ers are really really numb"? -Chronos and Atlas give her a strange look- That sounded wrong, didn't it.

Methe: I'm attracted to a lot of things in guys.

Chronos: Like breathing and having a Y chromosome?

Methe: -misunderstanding- Not even that, sometimes.

Chronos: If you swing that way, it's fine, but just don't tell us next time.

SR: Where's CvK? I swear she's never here during breaks. She always hurts herself or has to print homework or go to the library. I think she's having a secret affair with a teacher.

Mnem: You have no sympathy at all.

Chronos: What, so if I said "I'm sorry", that wouldn't be sympathy?

Mnem: No, that would be bullshit!

Mnem: ...are you asking me out on a date?
Atlas: Yes, because you don't have the balls to do it yourself.
Mnem: -__-

ENGLISH (Mnem)



Mrs G: Doesn't your dad ever come home and say, "Hello dear! Give me a hug!"

Lethe: ...no, that would be creepy.

HEALTH (Mnem)

Mr S: Don't get me wrong. I respect Tiger Woods as a player--

CW: Did you seriously just say that?

Mr S: -facepalm-

HONOUR PASS (Chronos & Mnem)

The Kraken: I just imagined Atlas... in that skirt... doing a little twirl...

Mnem: -wearing eraser costume out by the fountain- I FREAKING CAN'T BEND OVER.

Lyssa: Mnem, I need your help with this poem. Could you come take a look at it?

Mnem: -notices stain on paper- What's that?

Lyssa: Blood. :B

MODERN HISTORY (Chronos & Mnem)

Mr F: You may have heard of a little thing called democracy. That does not exist here. Here we are in a dictatorship and I am the dictator.

Mr F: -swings stick around carelessly- I kill a ninth grader every year. Nobody misses them.

AD: Can I go to the bathroom?

Mr F: No.

AD: Can I go take a drink?

Mr F: No. The only way anybody is leaving is if they are going to buy me a Coke.

AD: Can I buy you a coke?

Mr F: ...tempting.

Mr F: Now I can't remember if Michelangelo was the gay one or not, I'll have to check.

Mr F: That's the problem with sculpting. If you make a mistake you can't just go back and erase it. Say you're three years in and you go, "Oh, he has an extra leg! Never noticed that! Can't go and make it his middle leg because it's too small!"

Mr F: Now, pardon the expression but the problem with Canada is that it's frickin' cold.

Mr F: -testing the class on European capitals- Finland.

Class: Uhhh...

Mr F: I sink into Hell.

Class: Helsinki!

Mr F: Correct. Belarus.

Class: Ummm...

Mr F: It's so cold I need a mink coat.

Class: Minsk!

Mr F: Correct. Netherlands.

Class: -thoughtful silence-

Mr F: I'm going to buy drugs.

Class: Amsterdam!

Mr F: Say I like basketball. What celebrity might I like to have in my house, talking to me about basketball?

AD: Megan Fox!

Mr F: -disturbed look-

Mr F: -pulls up slide of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam, steps back, sighs- This is the painting that's been making men sad for generations.

RP: -after stealing Mr F's stick, walks up to whiteboard and uses it to point at the painting-
Mr F: ...you must have balls of steel.

Mr F: Alright, what are the hallmarks of Renaissance art present in this sculpture?
Class: -yells out things-
Mr F: Good, good, but you're missing one... -pulls collar down slightly and points at upper chest-
AD: Cleavage!
Mr F: -goes into corner and cries a little bit-

Mr F: A hook has got to grab the reader. Say I'm flipping through an inflight magazine and I see the words "Camel sex" in a title. I'm going to think, Isn't that interesting? and start reading.

Class: -laughing hysterically-

Mr F: That was just an example. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.

Mr F: -referring to essay structure- What's in a body?
CW: Hands, eyes, nose, ears, arms, legs...
Mr F: Let's move away from the list of things we'd like to have sex with and towards the essay, people.
(later)
Mr F: Personally, I prefer sheep, although that's just me.

Mr F: You've got to be careful with spelling. Mr R once mistyped "Tiananmen Square" into Google in class and -starts laughing- he got a -laughter increases- porn site -hardly able to talk anymore- on the first page -loses it- GAHAHA. I'm sorry, it's one of those things I give him a really hard time about.

MUN

Chair: To what point do you rise?

Denmark: Point of personal privilege.

Chair: Granted.

Denmark: Could we turn the lights on?

(ceiling lights turn off one by one; delegates erupt in chatter)

Chair: -in darkness- Yes, Denmark, I am aware that it has gotten darker.

(the day after Israel is overruled in a motion to prevent Palestine from gaining voting rights)
Chair: -taking roll call- Palestine.
Palestine: Present and voting, Chair. -hard look at Israel-

Denmark: -taps Chronos on shoulder- Since I know you slightly better than the other pages, I'll trust you to take my porn notes, 'kay?
Chronos: ...
-avoids Denmark for the rest of the General Assembly-

To: Algeria
From: Sudan

(Sudan's handwriting) You look pretty well developed for a third world country. Motion to move you to the floor.
(Algeria's handwriting) Do I know you?

USA: -reading out frivolous notes- "I'd like to hold an unmoderated caucus... in my pants."

(in note form)
Ireland: This delegate suggests that Irish potatoes would be an excellent addition to the salad bar. And here is a drawing of a potato. (insert drawing of potato) IRISH POTATOES #1!

Israel: This resolution is frankly an affront to everything the state of Israel believes in, and should not be allowed to pass--
(loud clap of thunder)
Israel: ...see? Even God agrees.

(in note form)
Ireland: Here is a potato. (insert drawing of potato) IRISH POTATOES #1!
Venezuela: Venezuelan bananas are better. (insert drawing of bananas)
Ireland: (drawing of potato) > (drawing of banana)

(in note form)
Ireland: Can we pleeeeease have more rights to statements? Pleeeease? Here is another potato. (insert drawing of potato saying pleeeeease)

To: USA
From: Canada

Dear USA
You sent us Miley Cyrus,
We sent you JUSTIN BIEBER.
From Canada

P.S. You can keep Justin Bieber <3

~Mnemosyne

Huhwaitwhat? Vol I: Freshie Madness [upd. 1 Oct]

Why did I wait so long to start writing these down? :(

2D ART AND DESIGN (Mnem)

Mnem: -cracks obscure joke-

FT: -not understanding said joke even after having it explained for at least three minutes at great length-

Atlas: Just give up. It's like milking a chicken.

GK: I've never had a teacher stare this intensely at my butt before.

FT: Can you come with me to the sophomore table? I need the black crayon back.

Atlas: No.

FT: Pleaaaaase?

Atlas: ...I was going to tell you to grow a pair, but in your case I don't think that would be wise.

Atlas: -puts down pencil, picks up reference photo, stares at sketch-

Mnem: Is something wrong?

Atlas: I appear to be missing my left ear.

ASIAN STUDIES (Mnem)

Eusebia: Our civilization needs a god. Some kind of religion.
Mnem: ...is human sacrifice okay with you?
Mr H: -momentary nervous look- Anything goes.
Mnem: Alright, so every weekend they sacrifice twenty virgins to a giant golden frog.
Eusebia: -laughing-
Mr H: -"uh oh" look-

(during the movie Gandhi, after a scene with a wildly bearded man in a car)
Lethe: Was that Jesus?

ASIAN STUDIES (Chronos)

Dr B: Atlas, what's your opinion on Japan's aging society?
Atlas: We have a surplus of old people.
Dr B: Don't say surplus, it sounds like you're going to kill them all.
Atlas: -thoughtful look-

BREAKS (Mnem)

(on Cross-Dressing Day)

Eirene: So what's the theme today?

Mnem: -points at two guys in dresses-

Eirene: It's gay day?

Polyhymnia: Do boys ever cry?
Lethe: I don't. I'm Stalin, I have tear ducts of steel.

ENGLISH (Mnem)

ZC: O, if only Romeo were gay.

AM: (misreading the "if a hare that is hoar" line) If a hare that is a hoar--

Class: -laughing uproariously-

(after class ends)

The Kraken: What did he say? "If an old hairy hoar" or something like that.

Mnem: -laughing way too much to correct him-

EXAM REVIEW (Chronos & Mnem)

Eusebia: -is trying to memorize names of polyatomic ions- Homosexuals never chase straight asses.
Rest of group: o_O
Eusebia: It's just the first letters of the chemical formulas. H is HSO4, N is NO3...
Methe: Aren't you missing phosphate?
(beat)
Eusebia: Homosexuals never chase straight people's asses.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION (Mnem)

Mary of Scots: A game of badminton typically lasts until 11 or 15 points. But if you get there and your scores are within 1 of each other then you keep playing. What happens if, in this way, you both reach 21 points?

BI: Instant death.

~Mnemosyne

Verbal visual epicness

I once had someone tell me to "listen very carefully" to what they were about to say. Which would be fine, if they weren't talking to me on Facebook chat at the time. ._.

Anyhoo, here is an awesome quote between Chronos and myself from MSN:

Mnem says: -reads out paper in British accent-
Mnem says: It helps me concentrate. XD
Chronos says: LOL
Chronos says: "Dulce Et Decorum Est by Wilfred Owen depicts -- BLOODY 'ELL, I NEED A CUP OF TEA... mate?"

~Mnem- "BAHAHAHAHAH" -osyne

-makes raspy growling noises-

I figure I'm going to pass out soon, so I lied again, I'm going to stop posting after this.

... and the crowd goes wild. -tired look- Go fling your shet somewhere else, you bastards, I'm not in the mood for idiocy right now.

~Mnem

-bounces out of bed-

Okay, I lied. Sue me. I don't have any money, and I'm not going to go to sleep until our post deficit has been made up.

... unintentional double entendre there.

-ignores-

My tolerance level for inane jokes (not even inane jokes, really, just bad jokes that appeal to the foul-mouthed kindergartener in all of us) has been shooting up higher and higher since the 2010-2011 school year began a tiddling month and a half ago. (Shet, it's only been that long?) Mostly because I've been spending more time with Y-chromosomers. Case in point: Atlas. Case also in point: Lethe. I love them both to pieces and they are also the two people whom I would hesitate longest to introduce to my parents. Seriously, I'd rather bring--oh, I don't know--Methe home for dinner than have Atlas say hello to my mother in passing on a busy street. No, it's not that bad. See previous post for reasons as to why I may not be thinking clearly. Alternatively you could just look at the timestamp, there's a good girl/boy now.

-swings legs childishly-

I don't really know where I meant to go with this post, just that I wanted to write something and include Atlas/Lethe Atlas and/or Lethe in there somewhere. Okay, now that agglomeration (?) is scaring me so I will proceed to cross it out and separate them, like so. -backtracks- Ninja skills. You saw nothing and if you did you wouldn't see much more if you breathe a single word. I remember a little flair button I used to have (back in the day when flair buttons were popular) that was a fairly minimalist black with grey writing on. The writing went something along the lines of "There are 27 ninjas on this piece of flair. You may not see them, but they see you." And I, in my young, pliable, foolish, and utterly uncool days, thought this was funny and plastered it all over my Facebook profile. (I had a lot less direction in life back then. Still do, of course, but at least I aim at useful/non-annoying activities now.)

It's getting progressively harder to keep my eyes open...

Must keep writing, because we are all idiots and Mnem is an overachieving idiot with a selectively difficult sense of duty. Skipping MUN meets for two weeks running = okay. Having a 5-post gap between the date and the month total on FG = not okay. Wtf.

~Mnem

Give me a T... give me an I... give me an R... give me an E... give me a D... zzz

Well.

It's 2:48 in the morning and I really shouldn't be up right now.

Chronos, I think, went to the bathroom to wash her face and passed out on the towel rack. I do hope she's alright. Aluminium piping doesn't make for a fabulous night's rest.

All ha-ha aside, I'm basically still up because I had an unholy amount of essay to write for English... that is due on at 11:00 tomorrow.

I'm not done yet. Boo. Still an intro, a conclusion, and various bits of the body paragraphs left to go. Wilfred Owen, if it weren't for the fact that you're a genuinely gifted poet and you lived an admirably hardscrabble life (and you've been dead for ninety-odd years) I'd stick you right now, and not with a kitchen knife neither. -dark look- Death by straws... sounds painful, eh?

I'm sorry, I'm not making sense anymore.

There'll be a sleepover tomorrow and Chronos and I are looking forward to being high together and trashing the place and eating junk food and staying up late watching questionable comedies. :D Nothing like a friend to get wasted with.

Unfortunately it also means I'm neglecting all my homework until Sunday afternoon. That's sort of why we haven't been posting recently. Too much bullsh many things to do.

What do I have due again?--oh, right. Fill in a worksheet on the computer for Biology, finish my notes and email them to a compatriot for Health, submit the essay to Turnitin.com and complete two peer-review assignments and one self-reflection for English, select and draft my 7x7 poetry project for Creative Writing, hunt down a book and answer two questions for French, and make up some missed Math work.

Joy of fricking joys. No, I'm not coming to the Games tomorrow, why do you ask?

-yawns-

I think I'll go sleep now.

Excessive page breaks FTW.

~Mnemosynapwoeiap esssssssssssssssssssas;;;;;;;''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

...

-camera slowly approaches from behind Chronos-

Closer...

Closer..

Almost there...

-Chronos whips around-

-camera freezes-

-Chronos stares-

-camera zooms in on Chronos' bloodshot eyes-

-Chronos turns back around and slumps on the table-

...

And so, that concludes the 1 minute excerpt - The Chronos that Could Not Sleep.


-Chronos

CHRONOS' EPIC RETURN POST v. 2.0!

Releasing the next patch of Chronos' EPIC RETURN POST!

No, I'm not going to drawl like a mad man about how I gots a tablet and Hi-Chew. Firstly, I didn't get another tablet, so it's unnecessary. Second, I've almost finished snarfing down those 20 or so bars of Hi-Chew. High intakes of glucose syrup, sugar, and hydrogenated vegetable oil for the win.

Not that they're healthy because they actually kill you very, very slowly fill you with artificially induced highness. That, and they start tasting disgusting after your 3rd consecutive bar.
Whooo, censorship for the win lose. WE CAN'T TAKE THE TRUTH.

Okay. Why am I up at this atrocious hour, you ask? In Chronos' world, an atrocious hour would be... 5 in the morning with the next day being a school day (normal wake-up time being 6 am). No, it isn't a school day for me tomorrow - THANK GOD. I get to laze around for one more solitary day before being thrown into the seamy underbelly of hell school.

Yes, fine, so I'm exaggerating. Hell does equate school, in my world, but sadly, there's a minuscule population of one in Chronos' world.

Back to the earlier question. I'm on Ferret Gun and my computer at... -looks at clock- 12:46 am. I got dragged to a dinner by those-things-known-as-the-parents with about 10 or 20 other families plus their adorable sweet bearable lovely children. Of course, the only two children I knew and could socialize with -snort- were 5th graders. Nothing epic happened, really. Dinner started at 6:30. Guess what time we left? 9:45. I was stuck at a freaking dinner for 3 hours and 15 minutes. The food stopped coming at around 7 or 8, ffs (for feck's sake)! Not to mention they did that thing that parents do - start talking very excitedly about something, then grow louder and louder as they try to drown out everyone else's talking in order to contribute something to the conversation. Makes for very interesting sound dynamics, but we (the 5th graders and me) were almost scared into jumping out of our chairs at one point. That aside, when I got home at 10:15 ish, we stumbled upon a blackout in our house. A blackout that lasted until 11:30, during which I gamed excessively on my DS - thank you, whoever came up with the idea of bright screens in gaming consoles (because the people who make the GameBoy Color obviously didn't think about it or didn't have the technology to make it happen). And from 11:30, it takes me to the point I'm at now - unable to sleep and typing a post for Ferret Gun after leaving it to dry like a fish for a few days.

Mnem will be proud of me, I'm sure. She's the one always prodding me to write something.
Oooh, big paragraph overhead!

Gawd damn. I ran out of things to write about.

-Chronos "I smell the artificial flavoring from the empty Hi-Chew wrappers..."

Moar sig.

People like me should not be given access to graphic manipulation programs.

Learn from your mistake, world.

~Mnem

Burninating penguins! or, Mnem's triumphant return from the Land of the Moderately Unwell

Not in this update: crossed out stuffs. Lots and lots of crossed out stuffs.

Hell is gone and heaven's here, with silly music memes galore

Another funny little meme where all you need is a working copy of iTunes. Set it on shuffle and write down the first lyrics of the first twenty songs. This is what your poem is made up out of. The twenty-first first lyric (no, that wasn't redundant) becomes your title. My example:

Hell is gone and heaven's here

Me no bubbletious
Sands and gears, oh, how the daisies bloom
Do you remember when we didn't care?
Hey there baby, make up your mind
I wish I could cross my arms
Skylark
This is a tale that takes its place in Paris fair, this year of grace
The buttons on my phone are worn thin
Guess this means you're sorry
Tafari tries to get a job
Drew looks at me
Back me down from backing up
I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain
Step one, you say "We need to talk"
Hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah
Things are looking up, oh, finally
You used to talk to me like I was the only one around
Sure you ride the finest horse I've ever seen
One, two, three
We were both young when I first saw you

Lyrics pulled from

"Let Me Entertain You", Robbie Williams

"Kids", Robbie Williams & Kylie Minogue
"Umbrella Beach", Owl City
"Another Heart Calls," All-American Rejects
"Now Or Never", Lisa Ekdahl
"Tidal Wave", Owl City
"Skylark", Monica Mancini
"The Age Of The Cathedrals", Bruno Pelletier
"Why", Secondhand Serenade
"My Life Would Suck Without You", Kelly Clarkson
"Proud To Be A Dread", Des'ree
"Teardrops On My Guitar", Taylor Swift
"Straightjacket Feeling", All-American Rejects
"Home", Daughtry
"How To Save A Life", The Fray
"Handel: Messiah, HWV 56 - Hallelujah Chorus", Karl Richter: London Philharmonic Orchestra, John Alldis Choir
"Looking Up", Paramore
"Used To", Daughtry
"Ride On", Christy Moore
"Summerboy", Lady Gaga
"Love Story", Taylor Swift

The scary thing is that it's not a halfway bad poem. Methinks I have stumbled on a new way of acing Creative Writing assignments... >:D

~Mnem

Them crazy Bio kids

How the hell was I supposed to know this?!

~Mnem

The many joys (cough) of Blogger #15

So I login and check the front page of FG, and lo and behold the lovely brain slug piccy from Chronos' "What are the creepiest things we can synchronise?" post is missing.

I report the problem to Chronos, and she, after throwing the mother of all fits--

... she comes back and tells me there is nothing wrong.

So I refresh, and that little red x is still there, and I have a little tussle with Chronos, and I try forcing her to look at the above screenshot, and she cancels my image sending twice, and I yell at her a little and refresh again, and--

Blogger, I'm on to you.

~Mnemosyne

Testing testing

One two goddamn purple four.

~Mnem

Don't look a gift horse in the eye

Because, you know, they bite on contact.

Aaaaaand on a completely unrelated note, here's an early birthday present for you, Chronos:

Because GIMP pwns Picnik. (Sadly, it does not pwn Photoshop... but don't tell her I said that. <_< ... >_>)

~Mnem

Wewt.

In the fastest spree of GIMPage yet recorded, Mnem has managed to churn out a little piccy in just under three hours! Hooray for Mnem! ... and will somebody please unplug the laptop, she's fallen asleep on the keyboard again.

Fun stuff.

~Mnem- "zzz" -osyne

Another List of Epic Retardation Under the IQ of 70

@ Mnem: WHAT? YOU TOLD ME TO WRITE SOMETHING. I WROTE SOMETHING.

That aside. I had a brain slug attached to my brain, like so.

Of course, the ever reliable husband and wife team, Mad and Omu, banded together to blast it off with a particle cannon. Took a large chunk of my skull with it. Needed a while to regenerate.
Okay. List, list, list. The Kraken (whom you will neeeeever know...) assigned a special, mandatory, vital, important mission - ... TO FIND ALL THE SPORTS THAT WOULD BE DISASTROUS IF SYNCHRONIZED.  Chronos is back, baby! :D
Note: I will not explain how they are funny nor provide pictures (unless informational). You must use your...
IMAGINATION
like Spongebob.

DEAR GOD I'VE PLAYED THE SPONGEBOB CARD. PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS TIME LEFT TO SALVAGE THE REMAINING CHILDREN.

1. Dwarf Throwing
DO NOT EVEN ASK. Not a fake article, for your information. Apparently people still do it. The UN Commission of Human Rights supposedly ruled that this wasn't discriminatory against... well, dwarfs.

 2. Camel Racing

Well, if there's dog racing and horse racing, why not throw in a camel?

 3. Sumo Wrestling
YES, I'M QUITE SURE THIS IS SELF-EXPLANATORY.

4. Unicycle Trials
Ride on a unicycle over obstacles without any part of your body touching the ground, like so. Pretty extreme. One person falls, they all fall.

5. Bungee Jumping
Do a few fish impressions with a zoomed camera and you're a winner... plus the next celebrity of YouTube.

 6. Zorbing
"Help! I'm a human in what appears to be a giant inflatable ball that strangely looks like a golf ball!" That scream hamster to you? Do a few tumbles and you've got the job.

7.  Sport Fishing
My my, what would happen if that hook went into someone else's lip...? 
... Denny Crane. He's holding a shotgun and a.... well, guess what's in his other hand. This is why you don't let the wealthy get competitive.

8. American Football
Would not want to get caught in that. Add some arm swinging motions. Smile for the camera!

9. ANY P v. P game on a board.
No. Just... no. You would never get anywhere, first of all. Secondly...well, there isn't a secondly.

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

10. I give you a picture, for you will know right away.

KEEP IT UP, LADIES! 

-Chronos

Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But you forgot a label and I saw rainbow potential in one of your words, sooooo... :D

Dear Chronos,

Get your act together or I'm throwing your goodies out the window.

Love,

~Mnem

CHRONOS' EPIC RETURN POST.

...
-crawls in-
-sits on a conveniently provided sofa-
-zones out-

I gots a tablet and HI-CHEW candy.

-Chronos

Because life's a virtual gallery of pretty stuffs

WARNING: Nudity.

Har har, like that'd stop you. -imagines readers scrolling furiously downwards- Hate to burst your bubble but it's artistic nudity. All the pretty women are dead. Keep that in mind if you get too excited.

Anyhoo, this is just a mash-up of the neatest works of art I found this afternoon. Some I've liked for a while and some I just learned about a few hours ago. Again, nudity. If you're reading this blog then I assume you're old enough to handle (gasp) breasts, so no whining, please.

Oh, and I stick c. in front of all my dates because I don't trust history at all. Lovely subject, but they're horrid at keeping time.

Anne of Cleves, by Hans Holbein the Younger (c. 1539)

Always found this portrait quite pretty. To judge by their paintings, most court ladies from back then come off as either stiff, or ugly, or both. -shudders- Lord. The girls I've seen... -trails off-

Rape of Proserpina, by Gian Lorenzo Bernini (c. 1621–22)

Before you get all up and politically correct on me, let me inform you that "rape", back in the seventeenth century, meant "abduction" and not "forced sexual intercourse". Therefore the Rape of Proserpina depicts Pluto (Hades) carrying Proserpina (Persephone) off to the underworld and not the god of Death forcing himself (to use some memorably quaint terminology for what is, and I'll be blunt, one of the most heinous acts a man person can commit) on some poor young lass. Got that? Good.

Now let's look at some fantastic detailing:

Look at her thigh! (No, you perv, not that area of her thigh...) His fingers are dimpling her skin! Doesn't it just look real? That is fking marvellous, eh? I saw it in a TV documentary a few years back and remembered that one detail well enough to hunt the sculpture down again and foist it upon your miserable uncultured eyes.
-cough- So kudos to Bernini for being pretty damn awesome. The man deserves more recognition. If only for looking more like Don Quixote than Don Quixote does.

Self-Portrait, by Gian Lorenzo Bernini (c. 1665)

I rest my case.

Saint Catherine of Alexandria, by Raphael (c. 1508)

Cathy of Alexandria was a lovely, smart, rich, and sociable girl who also had the privilege of dying a martyr (beheaded!) for the Christian faith. Therefore, she is a saint. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this (although I'm pretty sure it's going to end with St Cathy in tears and me condemned to eternal purgatory) so let's just say that it's a gobsmackingly gorgeous painting and leave it at that.

Study for the Head of Leda, by Leonardo da Vinci (c. 1506)

I think it's the hair that gets me on this one. Seriously, look at it! So wispy and curly and intricately braided. Da Vinci was a polymath, so there's no reason to suppose he wouldn't have been capable of creating some truly kick-ass coiffures. (Oh... and I'm not showing you the painting that resulted from this sketch because it involves an ancient Greek myth wherein Leda sleeps with Zeus in the form of a swan. The Hellenes were apparently a helluva lot more accepting back in those days.)

Girl With a Pearl Earring, by Johannes Vermeer (c. 1665)

They made a movie out of this, did you know that? With Scarlett Johansson as the titular girl. While Ms Johansson is undoubtedly attractive (as any number of sweaty teenage boys can attest), in my humble opinion she doesn't quite come close to matching the lass in this painting. It's called the "Mona Lisa of the North" for good reason: there's something about her eyes--the way they're slightly off-kilter, slightly asymmetrical, perfectly imperfect--that catches you and keeps you and makes you kind of wanna steal the original and take it home to hang on your bedroom wall. Or is that bit just me?

-Chronos looks up and nods-

Well gee, thanks.

Venus Anadyomene, by Titian

Egad, nudity! Somebody shield the children! ... oh, right. What was I thinking? This is FerretGun. If there were any kidlets here, they'd be eaten by now. -Mad burps quietly- Exactemente.

Anyhoo, birthday suits aside, I think this is really a terrific piece of art. I sorta kinda have a thing for well-drawn hair (Head of Leda, anyone?). Look at it! It's exactly the colour of wet blonde. That Titian must have had a hell of a time persuading some poor girl to stand in a bathtub (in the nude) for hours on end and sling her tresses around. No wonder they wrote a limerick about him (which I will share with you because I am sad, and wish to spread my sadness):

The model ascended the ladder

As Titian, the artist, had bade her.

The position, to Titian,

Suggested coition

So he climbed up the ladder and 'ad 'er!

-Chronos: ._. -

... y'know what, I think I've been spending too much time around the Y chromosome these days. x_x

~Mnemosyne

Sketch dump

It's that time of the month again. No, not to run out and buy as many packs of sanitary napkins as possible (although I honestly don't know anybody who still uses that term), but to stuff a billion and a half freehand works in progress up your collective noses. No GIMPing--this is glued in straight from my much-abused sketchbook. Enjoy.

"Feed the penguin!"

Yet another FG diorama. Yes, I will GIMP this. Eventually. Maybe. (Ignore the spheroid thing on the upper right corner; that's the Omu in another sketch, which I will not upload because it is c-r-a-p.)

Rabbits

Apologies for the lame-ass title. If you've got a better one, tell me. And yes, that is the ground sketch for Saturdays At Chronos' over there! How on earth did you guess? (I keep a crowded sketchbook. Saves paper, y'know.)

Even Dolls Have Secrets

Again with the lame-ass titles. I'm not really good at this, am I? The girl is inspired by the works of Emily Martin. The gap-toothed monstrosity behind her I took pointers on from Gris Grimly. Both are excellent artists and I really, really wish I had even a fraction of their talent.

Adieu for now. Chronos, get your butt in gear and write!

~Mnemosyne

Ordinary magic

You know you're lazy when your idea of a productive day is one in which you've properly broken in your deck and learned how to riffle shuffle.

Oh, how I love being a Magic Club member. The littlest things make you happy.

~Mnem

EDIT: Now I can bridge after shuffling too. :D

Introducing spawn

Must ... keep ... blog ... afloat ...

Well now, what can I rant about here? I could treat you to a scholarly discussion on the merits of various Sims 2 custom content downloads, but that'd bore the socks off you, especially if you don't play the game. (Ha. Made you think it.) I could rave about homework, but I'm not staying up this late just to embark on another obscenity-laced hemorrhage of eloquent spite. I could bitch and moan about how I've been sleeping five-hour nights all week (save for Thursday, when I told myself I'd just lie down on my bed for a bit to text somebody and woke up two hours later), except it's currently 11:45 PM on a lazy Friday night. So what could I do? Well, for starters, I could clip my nails. Comb the hair out of my eyes. Blow some dust off the computer. I could redesign the Sistine Chapel and get around to learning how to knit. I could study Norwegian and repaint my bedside table and organize a whale-watching excursion and play with Madge (Mad and Omu's adopted daughter; short for Madomu, which is in turn a contraction of Nomadeous Omu + whatever avian last name they have drawn up). Speaking of Madge, what exactly is she? Chronos seems to think she's a penguin. She looks more like a scrawny little kid in a penguin costume to me. -scrutinizes closely-

Yeah, them's fingers all right. -Madge hisses- Easy now.

-Omu stalks past-

Lovely child.

-Mad waddles past-

Absolutely adorable.

-Eli scurries past-

QUICK, HELP ME KNOCK IT OUT AND BAG IT

-Mad and Omu stick their heads around the corner-

... some groceries, because we're running out, and I wouldn't want our little obviously penguin princess to go hungry.

-bird heads slowly retract-

That was close. -eyes Madge, who has crawled off to safety-

But tomorrow is another day. -glints dangerously-

~Mnemosyne

Friday's child is loving and giving messed up

Bad Friday. Very bad Friday. You gave me homework from three out of four classes today! You gave Eusebia a stain on her white skirt and a bad grade on her Bio test and made her cry! You made me leave my French packet at home on the one day that we needed it! You made Chronos sick! You gave her a Chemistry test! You gave us both a math test and you broke my pencil! Bad Friday. Bad!

-Friday bursts into tears-

Oh--oh. I didn't mean that. Not really. Not all of it. I mean... it all happened, yes, but Friday, you weren't that bad. You gave me an early exit from Math because I finished the test quickly. You gave me the chance to pick Atlas' jacket pocket without him noticing. You gave me a hilarious Modern History class full of pizza and "are those two guys making out?" and manly defects and "you must have balls of steel". (That last one from the teacher and none too admiringly either.) You gave me two minutes to improvise a poem that ended up earning me a little respect from the class. You gave me a lovely talk with my mentor. And you gave us the end of the week--you gave us the weekend, you gave us freedom, you gave us the ability to forget about homework and grades and drama and just sink into a blissful weekend reverie. You gave me a lot. You took a lot from me too, but you gave back equally, Friday, and that's what counts. That's why everyone loves you. Don't cry anymore.

... Jesus, now I feel bad about hurting a personification's feelings. I-It's nothing... just have some dust in my eyes... -blinks painfully-

What are you staring at? Shoo now. Off with your head. Go seize the day ... or something else. You know what they say: "Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia and cerebellum"--when you have their full attention, their hearts and minds will follow. Always found that bit of advice quite sound. -winks-

So go snatch some ba--snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and make it a better weekend than Chronos is having right now.

~Mnemosyne

The alphabet song (or, An exercise in inanity [or, The only clue found in the deserted warehouse where Mnem was last seen alive at approximately 10:39 PM on the night of September 1st, 2010 {or, The first post of September! Yay!}])

Further proof that I should not be allowed to stay up this late. -strums lyre-

"A is for Awesome and
B is for Banned and
C is for Careful and
D is for Drama Queen and
E is for Eli Trick and
F is for FerretGun and
G is for God Only Knows and
H is for Holy Unholy Undead and
I is for I Don't Have Internet Sometimes So Don't Get Mad At Me For Not Posting and
J is for Juno and
K is for Kaliper and
M is for Mnem Can't Spell "Caliper" Correctly and
N is for Nothing You Need To Know and
O is for Orly and
P is for Penis Envy and
S is for Schadenfreude and
Q is for Q#*ABN&xZ ( = She Screwed Up The Alphabet) and
R is for Really, I'm Okay Now and
T is for Totally and
U is for Uh-huh and
V is for Very Well Then If You Say So and
W is for What Now? and
X is for Xanatos Gambits Are Hard to Pull Off and
Y is for You Betcha and
Z is for Ziggurat."

Pulled this off another blog--my other blog, so nobody sue me. Except for Chronos, maybe, because I didn't tell her that I have another blog. :3

-thundery noises-

Uh oh.

-digs out box labelled "Chronos Eruption Prevention"- -straps :3 mask over face- -takes deep breath, files last will and testament, and turns around-

Okay, Chronos, breathe ... just breathe ... Look at the seal face! Control your rage! LOOK AT THE SEAL FACE! You wouldn't wanna hurt the seal face, would you? W-would you? -beat- Wait, w-what? You would wanna hurt the seal face? But it's a seal face! You can't hurt a seal face! Think of the seals! Think of the little fluffy baby--okay, fine, so technically it's just a seal mask over my face, but still. --What do you mean, "there is no but still"? It's the same thing, isn't it? -bobs around in an increasingly desperate manner- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ISN'T THE SAME? WHY DO YOU COME CLOSER WITH THAT STRANGE METALLIC CONTRAPTION? BACK OFF, CHRONOS! DON'T HURT THE WIDDLE SEAL! DON'T HURT THE WIDDLE SEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! OH, THE HUGE MANATEE! Seal. Thing. You get my drift.

Wait, aren't I supposed to be dead now? -looks down- -small neat hole in the left section of her chest-

-Chronos grins and reholsters heart vaporizer-

Well damn.

-promptly expires-

~Mnemosyne