Because life's a virtual gallery of pretty stuffs

WARNING: Nudity.

Har har, like that'd stop you. -imagines readers scrolling furiously downwards- Hate to burst your bubble but it's artistic nudity. All the pretty women are dead. Keep that in mind if you get too excited.

Anyhoo, this is just a mash-up of the neatest works of art I found this afternoon. Some I've liked for a while and some I just learned about a few hours ago. Again, nudity. If you're reading this blog then I assume you're old enough to handle (gasp) breasts, so no whining, please.

Oh, and I stick c. in front of all my dates because I don't trust history at all. Lovely subject, but they're horrid at keeping time.

Anne of Cleves, by Hans Holbein the Younger (c. 1539)

Always found this portrait quite pretty. To judge by their paintings, most court ladies from back then come off as either stiff, or ugly, or both. -shudders- Lord. The girls I've seen... -trails off-

Rape of Proserpina, by Gian Lorenzo Bernini (c. 1621–22)

Before you get all up and politically correct on me, let me inform you that "rape", back in the seventeenth century, meant "abduction" and not "forced sexual intercourse". Therefore the Rape of Proserpina depicts Pluto (Hades) carrying Proserpina (Persephone) off to the underworld and not the god of Death forcing himself (to use some memorably quaint terminology for what is, and I'll be blunt, one of the most heinous acts a man person can commit) on some poor young lass. Got that? Good.

Now let's look at some fantastic detailing:

Look at her thigh! (No, you perv, not that area of her thigh...) His fingers are dimpling her skin! Doesn't it just look real? That is fking marvellous, eh? I saw it in a TV documentary a few years back and remembered that one detail well enough to hunt the sculpture down again and foist it upon your miserable uncultured eyes.
-cough- So kudos to Bernini for being pretty damn awesome. The man deserves more recognition. If only for looking more like Don Quixote than Don Quixote does.

Self-Portrait, by Gian Lorenzo Bernini (c. 1665)

I rest my case.

Saint Catherine of Alexandria, by Raphael (c. 1508)

Cathy of Alexandria was a lovely, smart, rich, and sociable girl who also had the privilege of dying a martyr (beheaded!) for the Christian faith. Therefore, she is a saint. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this (although I'm pretty sure it's going to end with St Cathy in tears and me condemned to eternal purgatory) so let's just say that it's a gobsmackingly gorgeous painting and leave it at that.

Study for the Head of Leda, by Leonardo da Vinci (c. 1506)

I think it's the hair that gets me on this one. Seriously, look at it! So wispy and curly and intricately braided. Da Vinci was a polymath, so there's no reason to suppose he wouldn't have been capable of creating some truly kick-ass coiffures. (Oh... and I'm not showing you the painting that resulted from this sketch because it involves an ancient Greek myth wherein Leda sleeps with Zeus in the form of a swan. The Hellenes were apparently a helluva lot more accepting back in those days.)

Girl With a Pearl Earring, by Johannes Vermeer (c. 1665)

They made a movie out of this, did you know that? With Scarlett Johansson as the titular girl. While Ms Johansson is undoubtedly attractive (as any number of sweaty teenage boys can attest), in my humble opinion she doesn't quite come close to matching the lass in this painting. It's called the "Mona Lisa of the North" for good reason: there's something about her eyes--the way they're slightly off-kilter, slightly asymmetrical, perfectly imperfect--that catches you and keeps you and makes you kind of wanna steal the original and take it home to hang on your bedroom wall. Or is that bit just me?

-Chronos looks up and nods-

Well gee, thanks.

Venus Anadyomene, by Titian

Egad, nudity! Somebody shield the children! ... oh, right. What was I thinking? This is FerretGun. If there were any kidlets here, they'd be eaten by now. -Mad burps quietly- Exactemente.

Anyhoo, birthday suits aside, I think this is really a terrific piece of art. I sorta kinda have a thing for well-drawn hair (Head of Leda, anyone?). Look at it! It's exactly the colour of wet blonde. That Titian must have had a hell of a time persuading some poor girl to stand in a bathtub (in the nude) for hours on end and sling her tresses around. No wonder they wrote a limerick about him (which I will share with you because I am sad, and wish to spread my sadness):

The model ascended the ladder

As Titian, the artist, had bade her.

The position, to Titian,

Suggested coition

So he climbed up the ladder and 'ad 'er!

-Chronos: ._. -

... y'know what, I think I've been spending too much time around the Y chromosome these days. x_x

~Mnemosyne