Huhwaitwhat? Vol II: Sophomore Inanity [upd. Oct 12]

Yes, it'll be updated regularly. -shoots meaningful look at Chronos-

 AFTER SCHOOL (Chronos & Mnem)

Atlas: Seriously, the Kraken thinks the jokers in my deck are gay. -takes out cards- My God, I just realized! He's wearing black tights and a whip!

Pro: -singing in falsetto- You turn me o-on... -stares straight at Lethe-
Lethe: o_e

Mnem: -makes poorly thought-out and easily misinterpreted statement-
Chronos: -laughing- Now, I know you swing that way...
Mnem: You don't even swing at all.

BIOLOGY (Mnem)

Dr P: This is Fleshy. -shows class a stuffed toy bacterium- His scientific name is Streptoccocus somethingorother, but he's commonly referred to as the flesh-eating bacterium. If you get infected with these little guys your tissues will basically be eaten away and you might have to get the affected limb amputated in order to halt its progress. -beat- But he's just so darn cute, isn't he?

BREAKS (Chronos & Mnem)



Chronos: I can't remember what I was watching yesterday.

Mnem: Was it Numbers?

Atlas: You're pronouncing it wrong. It's meant to be Numb3ers.

Mnem: Like... "my 3ers are really really numb"? -Chronos and Atlas give her a strange look- That sounded wrong, didn't it.

Methe: I'm attracted to a lot of things in guys.

Chronos: Like breathing and having a Y chromosome?

Methe: -misunderstanding- Not even that, sometimes.

Chronos: If you swing that way, it's fine, but just don't tell us next time.

SR: Where's CvK? I swear she's never here during breaks. She always hurts herself or has to print homework or go to the library. I think she's having a secret affair with a teacher.

Mnem: You have no sympathy at all.

Chronos: What, so if I said "I'm sorry", that wouldn't be sympathy?

Mnem: No, that would be bullshit!

Mnem: ...are you asking me out on a date?
Atlas: Yes, because you don't have the balls to do it yourself.
Mnem: -__-

ENGLISH (Mnem)



Mrs G: Doesn't your dad ever come home and say, "Hello dear! Give me a hug!"

Lethe: ...no, that would be creepy.

HEALTH (Mnem)

Mr S: Don't get me wrong. I respect Tiger Woods as a player--

CW: Did you seriously just say that?

Mr S: -facepalm-

HONOUR PASS (Chronos & Mnem)

The Kraken: I just imagined Atlas... in that skirt... doing a little twirl...

Mnem: -wearing eraser costume out by the fountain- I FREAKING CAN'T BEND OVER.

Lyssa: Mnem, I need your help with this poem. Could you come take a look at it?

Mnem: -notices stain on paper- What's that?

Lyssa: Blood. :B

MODERN HISTORY (Chronos & Mnem)

Mr F: You may have heard of a little thing called democracy. That does not exist here. Here we are in a dictatorship and I am the dictator.

Mr F: -swings stick around carelessly- I kill a ninth grader every year. Nobody misses them.

AD: Can I go to the bathroom?

Mr F: No.

AD: Can I go take a drink?

Mr F: No. The only way anybody is leaving is if they are going to buy me a Coke.

AD: Can I buy you a coke?

Mr F: ...tempting.

Mr F: Now I can't remember if Michelangelo was the gay one or not, I'll have to check.

Mr F: That's the problem with sculpting. If you make a mistake you can't just go back and erase it. Say you're three years in and you go, "Oh, he has an extra leg! Never noticed that! Can't go and make it his middle leg because it's too small!"

Mr F: Now, pardon the expression but the problem with Canada is that it's frickin' cold.

Mr F: -testing the class on European capitals- Finland.

Class: Uhhh...

Mr F: I sink into Hell.

Class: Helsinki!

Mr F: Correct. Belarus.

Class: Ummm...

Mr F: It's so cold I need a mink coat.

Class: Minsk!

Mr F: Correct. Netherlands.

Class: -thoughtful silence-

Mr F: I'm going to buy drugs.

Class: Amsterdam!

Mr F: Say I like basketball. What celebrity might I like to have in my house, talking to me about basketball?

AD: Megan Fox!

Mr F: -disturbed look-

Mr F: -pulls up slide of Michelangelo's Creation of Adam, steps back, sighs- This is the painting that's been making men sad for generations.

RP: -after stealing Mr F's stick, walks up to whiteboard and uses it to point at the painting-
Mr F: ...you must have balls of steel.

Mr F: Alright, what are the hallmarks of Renaissance art present in this sculpture?
Class: -yells out things-
Mr F: Good, good, but you're missing one... -pulls collar down slightly and points at upper chest-
AD: Cleavage!
Mr F: -goes into corner and cries a little bit-

Mr F: A hook has got to grab the reader. Say I'm flipping through an inflight magazine and I see the words "Camel sex" in a title. I'm going to think, Isn't that interesting? and start reading.

Class: -laughing hysterically-

Mr F: That was just an example. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.

Mr F: -referring to essay structure- What's in a body?
CW: Hands, eyes, nose, ears, arms, legs...
Mr F: Let's move away from the list of things we'd like to have sex with and towards the essay, people.
(later)
Mr F: Personally, I prefer sheep, although that's just me.

Mr F: You've got to be careful with spelling. Mr R once mistyped "Tiananmen Square" into Google in class and -starts laughing- he got a -laughter increases- porn site -hardly able to talk anymore- on the first page -loses it- GAHAHA. I'm sorry, it's one of those things I give him a really hard time about.

MUN

Chair: To what point do you rise?

Denmark: Point of personal privilege.

Chair: Granted.

Denmark: Could we turn the lights on?

(ceiling lights turn off one by one; delegates erupt in chatter)

Chair: -in darkness- Yes, Denmark, I am aware that it has gotten darker.

(the day after Israel is overruled in a motion to prevent Palestine from gaining voting rights)
Chair: -taking roll call- Palestine.
Palestine: Present and voting, Chair. -hard look at Israel-

Denmark: -taps Chronos on shoulder- Since I know you slightly better than the other pages, I'll trust you to take my porn notes, 'kay?
Chronos: ...
-avoids Denmark for the rest of the General Assembly-

To: Algeria
From: Sudan

(Sudan's handwriting) You look pretty well developed for a third world country. Motion to move you to the floor.
(Algeria's handwriting) Do I know you?

USA: -reading out frivolous notes- "I'd like to hold an unmoderated caucus... in my pants."

(in note form)
Ireland: This delegate suggests that Irish potatoes would be an excellent addition to the salad bar. And here is a drawing of a potato. (insert drawing of potato) IRISH POTATOES #1!

Israel: This resolution is frankly an affront to everything the state of Israel believes in, and should not be allowed to pass--
(loud clap of thunder)
Israel: ...see? Even God agrees.

(in note form)
Ireland: Here is a potato. (insert drawing of potato) IRISH POTATOES #1!
Venezuela: Venezuelan bananas are better. (insert drawing of bananas)
Ireland: (drawing of potato) > (drawing of banana)

(in note form)
Ireland: Can we pleeeeease have more rights to statements? Pleeeease? Here is another potato. (insert drawing of potato saying pleeeeease)

To: USA
From: Canada

Dear USA
You sent us Miley Cyrus,
We sent you JUSTIN BIEBER.
From Canada

P.S. You can keep Justin Bieber <3

~Mnemosyne