Huhwaitwhat? Vol I: Freshie Madness [upd. 1 Oct]

Why did I wait so long to start writing these down? :(

2D ART AND DESIGN (Mnem)

Mnem: -cracks obscure joke-

FT: -not understanding said joke even after having it explained for at least three minutes at great length-

Atlas: Just give up. It's like milking a chicken.

GK: I've never had a teacher stare this intensely at my butt before.

FT: Can you come with me to the sophomore table? I need the black crayon back.

Atlas: No.

FT: Pleaaaaase?

Atlas: ...I was going to tell you to grow a pair, but in your case I don't think that would be wise.

Atlas: -puts down pencil, picks up reference photo, stares at sketch-

Mnem: Is something wrong?

Atlas: I appear to be missing my left ear.

ASIAN STUDIES (Mnem)

Eusebia: Our civilization needs a god. Some kind of religion.
Mnem: ...is human sacrifice okay with you?
Mr H: -momentary nervous look- Anything goes.
Mnem: Alright, so every weekend they sacrifice twenty virgins to a giant golden frog.
Eusebia: -laughing-
Mr H: -"uh oh" look-

(during the movie Gandhi, after a scene with a wildly bearded man in a car)
Lethe: Was that Jesus?

ASIAN STUDIES (Chronos)

Dr B: Atlas, what's your opinion on Japan's aging society?
Atlas: We have a surplus of old people.
Dr B: Don't say surplus, it sounds like you're going to kill them all.
Atlas: -thoughtful look-

BREAKS (Mnem)

(on Cross-Dressing Day)

Eirene: So what's the theme today?

Mnem: -points at two guys in dresses-

Eirene: It's gay day?

Polyhymnia: Do boys ever cry?
Lethe: I don't. I'm Stalin, I have tear ducts of steel.

ENGLISH (Mnem)

ZC: O, if only Romeo were gay.

AM: (misreading the "if a hare that is hoar" line) If a hare that is a hoar--

Class: -laughing uproariously-

(after class ends)

The Kraken: What did he say? "If an old hairy hoar" or something like that.

Mnem: -laughing way too much to correct him-

EXAM REVIEW (Chronos & Mnem)

Eusebia: -is trying to memorize names of polyatomic ions- Homosexuals never chase straight asses.
Rest of group: o_O
Eusebia: It's just the first letters of the chemical formulas. H is HSO4, N is NO3...
Methe: Aren't you missing phosphate?
(beat)
Eusebia: Homosexuals never chase straight people's asses.

PHYSICAL EDUCATION (Mnem)

Mary of Scots: A game of badminton typically lasts until 11 or 15 points. But if you get there and your scores are within 1 of each other then you keep playing. What happens if, in this way, you both reach 21 points?

BI: Instant death.

~Mnemosyne