I rest my case.

"Please don't kill each other... please don't kill each other..."

I catch myself muttering this every so often. It's not a common occurrence, especially when compared to how many times I shout this out instead:

"Ohmigod, he's got the ball. Moron. They're gonna regret this."
-pause-
"Dammit he's circling! No, he has the ball! Round him off you fools! ROUND HIM OFF!"
-pause-
"HE'S GETTING CLOSER! KICK HIM IN THE SHIN!"
-pause-
"OH DAMN HE'S JUST PASSED THE HALFWAY LINE! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"
-pause-
"YES YOU'VE GOT THE BALL NOW PASS IT TO SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY HAS A SHOT IN HELL OF SCORING!"
-pause-
"NO YOU MORON WHY DID YOU JUST PASS TO HIM, THE ENTIRE REST OF THE TEAM WAS OPEN AND YOU PASS TO HIM--"
-pause-
"YOU BLOODY IMBECILE! WHO PUT YOU ON THE TEAM?! I KNOW KINDERGARTNERS WHO CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU! I KNOW HARMONICAS THAT CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU! SHET, I KNOW NORTH KOREANS WHO CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU! YOU BELONG ON THE SUBSTITUTE BENCH IN HELL, YOU TURF-LICKING COWPAT!"
-pause-
"Feck, he scored."

~Mnemosyne