It's a Plan.

Congratulations Mnem, you now have a war chant that will strike fear into the hearts of none all! By which I still mean none because face it, the only time that will scare people is when, quote unquote...

"[There] [are] pigs in earmuffs winging their way over the snow-capped wastes of purgatory."

We do love you for your poetic sense (a.k.a snarky). It's an invaluable component of our two-manned (womanned?) ship blog. And why is manned a word when womanned is not? Those people who invented English... sexist bastards. Don't bother suing because we all know it's true.
Oddly enough, this is one of the first posts I've left lying around as draft for a while. If you don't count the post written for my glorious return from damn-I-can't-think-of-anything-to-write, found here. I have to say, that was one of my more WTF posts. I never did continue anything with the Jack-the-Ceramic-Bobblehead uprising. Can't really do anything now either, because I am about 3 hours (one or two planetrips) away from where Jack-Snapped-Neck-Ass-Stuck-To-Ceramic-Plate-Bobblehead is. The uprising is delayed for now... but not quelled. Who knows, one day, the Jacks will be your masters (Nah, more like the Chinese, because their economy is growing. Growing.). I'm part Chinese too, so ha! - take that! If the thought of an insane part Chinese like Chronos being the world's slavedriver master overall evil overlord scares you, congratulations, you are sane! Of course, you know the first two things I would do: create the world's largest ferret gun on the level of a nuclear weapon and create the world's first and only genetically engineered Penguin army (equipped with weapons everywhereeeeee. Everywhere.), modeled after Mad who would be the overall right hand man (again with the sexism) Penguin general. Our Headquarters will be carved into a random mountain. Possibly in Antarctica. For Mnem? ... uh... first, I would create a rainbow coloring serum for Corrie, then I would leave Mnem in charge of media manipulation (don't worry, you'll reap the benefits in my reign as an evil overlord besides the obvious con of Corrie's rainbow colorness. Why am I making it a goal to make Corrie rainbow colored? I'm bored.). When the day comes that I am dethroned, I will activate a detonation weapon that I would have secretly set up all over the world by then so I will be the world's last ruler. Sounds like a plan? Great. 

-Chronos "Yes, I have an active imagination. So what?" 

Rah rah rah

I've been immensely lazy these past few days. Truth is, I kind of went into a coma funk after I attacked finished too much of most of that Russian story I was working on (see here for the painful details) and realized that the stupid thing was over 4000 words long. Yes, four thousand. -plugs into online word counter- 4507 words, to be exact. (And 25444 characters. No, not the story characters, you imbecile, the letters/numbers/punctuation marks, etc. Geez. Not even the Iliad had 25444 separate characters, although LOTR might be a bit more on the mark. JRR Tolkien had a helluva lot of time on his hands. Er... off-topic? Sorryz. Sorry. Doubly so for the stupid typo. Damn, we're OT again. -forcibly closes parentheses-)

Anyways, the only reason I'm spazzing over my redonkulous word count is because I'm trying to get the stupid thing shaped up for a contest. Not that I expect to win it, of course (when was the last time I won a contest anyways? I think it was when I was in the womb. Fastest sperm cell, natch) but hey, it's the thought trying that counts. As Chronos will no doubt tell you if you bring up a little thing caled the TR Essay To Win A Newly Developed Character Or Something, I'm Not Really Sure, Because I'm Kind Of Allergic To These Kinds Of Games, And I've Never Understood Gaming Contests Anyway, And I Hate Writing Essays As A Byproduct Of Writing Too Many English/Asian Studies Papers On The Fly, By Which I Mean At Eleven PM The Night Before It's Due, Despite The Fact That I've Never Failed A Writing Assignment, And What Is Up With The Sentence Casing Nowadays? (-slaps self- Sorreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...)

Rah rah rah. -shakes head- Urh. That's what I say when I know I'm freaking people out and need to get back on track. Methinks I will be using it more often come August--you know what they say about sophomore year, namely that it will kill you dead and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. No, wait, that's Hannibal Lecter. Nvm.

Speaking of which, I haven't finished parts II, III, IV, and V of Operation Lit-ra-tchoo-rah, which means that I cannot start on Operation Literary Awesomeness, which will highlight the most... er... awesome literary creations in my long and overly extensive reading history. Such as Atticus Finch. -compassionate thumbs up- He is the epitome of chivalrous gentlemanliness. And Hannibal Lecter. -depraved thumbs up- He is the epitome of magnificent bastardry. And Lisbeth Salander. -badass thumbs up- Who is the epitome of, well, Lisbeth Salander. -cheeky grin- Etc etc ad nauseum, for maybe 5 female characters and 5 male characters, or however I choose to run this show. Look forward to it sometime before I turn 21. Aren't I productive.

Now to (belatedly) return to our original topic, I am rather ticked off because my wonderful horrible historical romance mash-up of pain and tears and Russian patronymics is over the contest's word limit. Now ordinarily I'd just rewrite the thing and post it up in about two weeks. (I write slow, I rewrite slower.) However, said contest ends on the last day of July, which is -checks calendar- two days from now. And the theme of the contest changes each month so who knows how long I'd have to wait before I got a theme correlating to my story and therefore qualifying me to enter. Who knows?! Well, maybe the Magic 8 Ball and maybe God (and definitely Chuck Norris, because Norris knows all) but holyfeckI'mgoingofftangent again rah rah rah. -deep breath-

Awkay. In words of two syllables or less, I have a story that is over the word limit for a contest that I want to join. Said contest ends in two days. I have two days to rewrite a story and cut out nearly one fifth of written material (BEEP BEEP BEEP THREE SYLLABLES AH WHO CARES). And I'm not even done yet. -weeps-

So yes, that is my plan for tonight tomorrow and... well, basically tomorrow. I will attempt to commit suicide via redrafting. When all's said and done, I've heard it's a terribly inconvenient way to off yourself, because the spell check gets in your way, but obsessively checking word count apparently does wonders for your level of aliveness. Which is to say that it lowers it. Drastically. And so on and so forth. -hums tunelessly-

Ciao, loves. Don't wait up for me, I've got a love story to rehash.

~Mnemosyne

WOOT! WE HAVE EXCEEDED THE MAY POSTS... by two.

Yay for Chronos and Mnem's constant spamming! Where's Mnem? ...I do hope she didn't get into an unmarked white van un-ferret-armed.

... damn.

It's the 29th of July today. Where I am, at the very least. Where Mnem is, I have no idea. Still waiting on her to 'Hell Yeah' the CSI post yesterday night for which (You can tell) I was in a state of brain incapacitation whilst writing. But it was damn good. Definitely worth not going out to a place with gooooooood food with my mother and grandmother to stay home and watch it. GODDAMMIT I WANT MY NASI LEMAK - no, I am not showing withdrawal symptoms from the lack of freaking good cultural food from my home country, why do you ask? Hey, apparently goddammit is spelt goddammit and not goddamnit! Wow, I can feel that much dumber now. Don't bother researching if you don't know where nasi lemak is from. It makes me feel that much safer. Before you ask, Mnem's from some other where, so don't you try and figure it out now.
Has it been a while since I wrote a post based on complete improvisation? You can probably tell if you've been following this blog for a while. Then again, you also probably haven't went through every single one the posts we wrote (What kind of sane person would anyway?).
As opposed to the stupid things that Mnem believes she does, I do pull (More stupid? Stupider?) even worse demoralizing and idiotic stunts. Example? Today, I went out with my two cousins and one of my cousin's boyfriend to watch the Sorcerer's Apprentice in the mall next door (which was epic -- NICOLAS CAGE FTW.). After the movie, we decided to loiter suspiciously around the arcade so we could get thrown out not-so-suspiciously or conspicuously to finish up the rest of the tokens we had bought for use in the arcade. Know those little machines where you put in tokens to get a little toy in a bubble (Give me a name here, I forget)?
Edit: These machines are called Gashapon Machines. In English, just call them toy vending machines. Another Japanese invention? A surprise? I think not. The link for 'gashapon' is to our ever reliable Wikipedia.
Those machines use different tokens than the arcade. 1 token for those bubble machines is worth RM4 (which isn't that much but expensive for those) whilst in comparison, 1 token for the arcade machines are worth RM1 (much more sufficient and money hoarding in the end). Being the absolute genius I am (is the sarcasm getting across to you?), I decide to flip the RM4 token to see whether I should put the token in a machine for Pokemon toys or Mario toys. The first time, no incident. The second time when my cousin thought my flip sucked? Alas it flew over and above and landed on the freaking CEILING ABOVE THE BUBBLE MACHINES. CEILING -- which wasn't that high but high enough for my height complex to be realized. Me being... short -grits teeth- an insufficient height to retrieve my coin, we had to go into the arcade, talk to the nice ladies at the arcade counter to ask for a chair to borrow. Well, luckily it ended without incident thanks to my cousin's boyfriend who was, thankfully, tall enough to look for the coin on the ceiling whilst standing on the chair.
Today's lesson?
Never let Chronos flip a freaking coin again. Ever. If push comes to shove, make her do it in a place where it won't vanish into an unreachable place.

-Chronos

Thanks for a fan-freaking-tastic three hours, CSI Trilogy!

You did deprive me of sleep for a short while though.

In Other News --

HAPPY 2ND MONTH ANNIVERSARY, FERRET GUN!

That's only if you missed the image, which you probably didn't. Orange, purple, and a neon-like green is very good for catching attention, you know? So you have a penguin holding a banner with a obviously terrified ferret taking shelter behind the penguin banner holder. No, they aren't glowing like saints, why do you ask?
Firstly, I'd like to congratulate Mnemosyne and me for a continuous two months of posting! There were a few moments last month when none of us posted - quite worrisome - I've never had a blog that's lasted for more than two months, you see, but we have weathered through it and managed to dash to a 2nd month anniversary!
Secondly... we still do not have any stalkers. Quite sad, that. Let me tell you something. You may take it in either the intimidating way or the 'oh, she's trying to sound creepy' way. It isn't actually meant to be either, but [shrug].

WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

...did that scare you? Allow me to elaborate on the meaning of that statement (unless of course, you are too terrified after reading that statement to continue reading the rest of this post. Did I go slightly over the top with the large neon orange letters?). Firstly, no, we are not intricately weaving internet personalities that are 15 years old because we are 30 year old pedophiles looking for young bait. Do you hear me? WE ARE NOT. Secondly, just because we say we know where you live doesn't mean we know where you live. You know? Of course you don't, because I never make sense. Mnem introduced me to a very useful little dashboard called Blogger in Draft - it is located here. For you fellow bloggers - you know what the dashboard is, yes? For managing all your existing blogs, etc etc? Well, Blogger in Draft is a different type of dashboard that has a sole, additional function - Stats. Click and it will instantly provide you statistics on the number of visits your blog has had a certain month, week, or day! Additionally, it can show you the number of times a post has been viewed or from which countries your blog has been viewed from! Thus, you people who are too lazy to click on the stalk button... WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE AND WE KNOW THAT YOU VISIT THE FERRET GUN. 

So please stalk? 

Not literally, of course. Unless you really think we are 30 year old pedophiles. Which we are not. 

-Chronos

Operation Lit-ra-tchoo-rah (part I)

Funny how I realize only now that I have never, not once, talked about books on this blog. Chronos and I both love reading and since we use FG as a sounding board for everything else in our lives it's only appropriate that we do so too for this.

Because it's my our blog and I we can write about whatever I we want, this 'un will be about our my favourite books. (Easy to confuse pronouns.) I tend to go overboard when describing books, so this'll be a five-part series--every item gets its own post. In no particular order:

1. The Millenium Trilogy by Stig Larsson
Okay, so the writing style is nothing special--the author was a financial reporter before he became, very briefly, a novelist--but the story is fking amazing. In plain and simple terms the first book is a murder mystery, the second a crime novel, and the third a courtroom drama. However, those labels don't come nearly close enough to to accurately describing these works. If you look up "genre busting" you're going to get the text of these novels as your definition.

More to the point, the reason I love these books so much is because of antisocial hacker character Lisbeth Salander. She is unforgettable. She takes every stereotype accorded to a traditional female heroine and turns it on its head. Tall, physically powerful blond Amazon? Scratch that; she's skinny, elfin, 24 years old in her first appearance but passing for a teenager without blinking an eye. Rough but happy childhood with a father/mother who continues to inspire her? Actually, she was abused from an early age by her terrifying father, wrongly institutionalized at the age of thirteen, and then declared legally incompetent and psychologically unsound. A victim who breaks down crying and needs to be rescued? Hell no! She gets (SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER WON'T RUIN THE BOOK BUT WILL REMOVE A LITTLE TENSION FROM THE BEGINNING SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK) savagely raped by her guardian in the first book--not once, but twice. And what does she do? She pops out the secret video she took of the act, breaks into said guardian's house, uses it to blackmail him into leaving her alone for the rest of her life, and (just in case we think she isn't deadly fking serious) tattoos a declaration of his crimes on his stomach in two-inch-tall blue letters.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't mess with Lisbeth Salander.

~Mnemosyne

Romeo and Juliet: Failed! -- Act I, Scene Three

Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

by Chronos and Mnemosyne 

Based on: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

No fish were hurt in the production of Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

Out of the bottomless magician's hat comes another rabbit! Or, rather, the next installment of Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

Disclaimer: We do not own Romeo and Juliet. Kindly do NOT be offended by the script or the fact that we are parodying Romeo and Juliet -- we have too much time on our hands during summer vacation to be able to write, even publish this on Ferret Gun! This was written in about 20 - 30 minutes after we finished Scene Two. Teen Dream is an idea of our own imaginations and is not referring to the real product if it exists. Stuart and Paris are models for Teen Dream only in this script and do not intentionally resemble any real models named Stuart or Paris. We also do not own snickerdoodles -- why, I haven't even tried them before.

Click the link below to enjoy the first Act, third Scene of Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

Edit: The complete post has been added to the Romeo and Juliet: Failed! tab.

Romeo and Juliet: Failed! Act I, Scene Two

Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

by Chronos and Mnemosyne 

Based on: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

No fish were hurt in the production of Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

Fresh from the murky depths of MSN comes the next installment of our Romeo & Juliet parody!

Disclaimer: We do not own Romeo and Juliet. Kindly do NOT be offended by the script or the fact that we are parodying Romeo and Juliet -- you'd be surprised how boring summer gets after a few months. We'd also like to apologize to any gay transvestite attention-whoring whores who may be reading this post. Any resemblance to real or fictional persons is completely and entirely not an attempt at mockery. -cough-

Click the link below to enjoy the first Act, first Scene of Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

Edit: The complete post has been added to the Romeo and Juliet: Failed! tab.

Chronos Designs - The Ferret Gun Family

I got bored of my drab and dull banner for the ferret gun... so I went and made a new one!

Featuring Corrie (C.A.T), Mnem (who I will label as that ferret because I don't want to be that ferret), Mad (P.E.N.G.U.I.N), and me, Chronos (the epic ferret on the motorcycle who totally pwns).

Nah, just kidding. Many of you are probably wondering what a zoned out cat and a dangerous dark penguin are doing on a banner that reads Ferret gun. The reason is... there is no reason. I was bored. This banner, from this day forthwith, shall replace the original Ferret Gun banner.

Rest in peace, unoriginal old Ferret Gun banner. 

Don't worry. For those of you who actually liked the old banner (for some unfathomable reason), it will remain linked on the We Fail Designs page.

Why the sudden change of banner?

... I was really that bored.

-Chronos

Things best left unseen

Missing? Me? What made you think that? Was it because I didn't answer the phone for three days running? (Forgot to pay the bills again.) Or maybe it was the fact that someone saw me get into an unmarked white van late last night. (If they'd kept watching, they'd'a seen the car door fly open and a grown man stumble out and start running for his life. He even left his knife and roll of duct tape behind, which is a bit thoughtless of him. To be fair, I don't think he was expecting that I would have a live ferret tucked into my pocket, or that said ferret bites people who try to touch areas where they really shouldn't.) Or maybe what tipped you off was the two weeks' worth of newspapers piled up on the doormat. (Journalists lie.)

And then there's always the decaying horse's head nailed to the door itself.

Let's just say that my neighbours have funny ideas about welcome baskets.

Anyhoo, I'm not missing. I've just holed myself up at home and tried to learn how to pick locks. Chronos will tell you that this is purely for research purposes (I'm writing a story, and we all know what happens when I write stories), but what she doesn't know is that I accidentally ... er ... locked the bathroom with the keys inside. (There is nothing as terrifying as a creative idiot.) So, in between poking tumblers with a paperclip, using a flat-headed screwdriver to apply torque, and ignoring my bladder, I didn't really have time to write anything. And I apologize for that.

Now I've got to go take the horse head down, it's starting to attract flies.

~Mnemosyne

Heads Up For Regular Posters - [There's Only Two of them Anyway]

Well. Our third month anniversary is coming up soon! We have been doing quite well in posting continuously -- though, if you are paying attention, we haven't posted much in the past few days. Normally Mnem is the sole and serial poster here while I writhe in the pit of no inspirations or just too goddamned lazy.

Our general goal: Post either several times a day or once for every day. Try to exceed the number of days in the month with the number of overall posts for that month. If I remember correctly, we didn't do that last month. At the moment, the month of May has the most posts.

Okay. You people, who actually bother to read what I write when it isn't random or wtf, here is the heads up.
Apparently Blogger made a pact or affiliation or contract with this website called Zemanta.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Zemanta Now Native on Blogger.com! (techparade.blogspot.com)

Well. I didn't put that in. I just clicked on the gadget by Zemanta and it inserted the website for me. What this Zemanta widget does is that it follows what you type in your post and provides relevant links or pictures. Of course, you have to frequently press the green update button to have new suggestions. The good thing about this is you do not have to open another tab -- or several - with Google to search for relevant pictures / articles to link. Hell, I could spam the word 'anime' and it would give me anime pictures. I think.
[test]
Anime Angel Beats Anime Angel Beats [presses update button].
Okay. Never mind. I lied. The update button is a little screwy. The REFINE button, on the other hand... type in the name of the query and most likely, it will give you something. Well, for regular posters, just a handy little function you might want to play with.

Edit: We does not like Zemanta.
On a random note, Daughtry is great. Especially Tennessee Line.

Image via Wikipedia

Wrong album cover, but I put it in just the same. Tennessee Line is from the album Leave this Town by Daughtry.

-Chronos
On another note, here's a new mystery -- Mnemosyne has went missing! Where could she possibly be? Free internet cookies to whoever finds out. -munches on a cookie- What's that? Where did I get this cookie? ... I'm admin. I'm entitled to free cookies. Of course, if you solve the mystery quickly enough, you might get a cookie before I empty out the cookie jar.

Whoever Said 'Three Times the Charm' Lied. Partially, anyway.

Since the beginning of my ability to think, the saying 'three times the charm' has worked for me more than once. Sometimes it was 'seven times the charm'. Other times it was 'screw numbers, it will never work'. Usually, it is never 'one time the charm' (sad, innit?).
Over the course of the past 3 - 5 days, Mnem and I have slaved day and night to bring you (and ourselves, of course) a working Music Player. We have went through four trials. The first was MixPod, which was an epic fail. The second was streaming, which never had the chance to work. The third was FlashWidgetz. The fourth was the SingBox. All failures, every single one of them. Finally, we decided we would have one last shot at it, and I found...
If you're expecting me to say God, sorry, no cigar.

 [Sorry Mnem, I know this picture creeps you out a bit. It seemed appropriate though ;D]

We found...
No, I didn't find a stray cat on the street. Well, you can see them anywhere anyway.

But seriously, we found...
Audio Play. This nifty little website, unfortunately, does not provide a playlist option like we wanted. However, it does give you a small, very convenient player that can be placed just about anywhere and still look kind of out of place. A simple click, and it will work. You will need to wait a few seconds for it to play though. Yes, it ACTUALLY works. It has been tested by Mnem and myself, and we use two different browsers -- Internet Explorer and Firefox respectively (which was the problem with the players we set up previously), the most disagreeable pair of browsers imaginable.

But, since we finally did get something to work (as your admin pair Mnem and Chronos are techie n00bs), this calls for a celebration!

... damn, we're underage.

That's better.
Alright, I'm done pelting you with pictures now. :D
Onto the music information --

Track name: Ichiban no Takaramono 「一番の宝物」 (6:00)
Artist: Girls Dead Monster
Album: Keep the Beats!
Background Information: An album of Girls Dead Monster songs which exempts the songs from the singles Crow Song, Thousand Enemies, and Little Braver. Girls Dead Monster is an all-female girls band in the anime Angel Beats!. An excerpt was used in the conclusion of episode 10, when Hinata helps Yui find peace and disappear.
You can find Crow Song, Thousand Enemies, and Little Braver downloads here.

Crow Song

1. Crow Song
2. Alchemy
3. My Song

Thousand Enemies

1. Thousand Enemies
2. Rain Song
3. Highest Life

Little Braver

1. Little Braver 
2. Shine Days
3. Answer Song

Am I advertising a bit? 

-Chronos

Life is Flash MP3 players are retarded.

Okay, so the SingingBox is screwy, but try this if it doesn't work when you double-click a song: right-click it and, without selecting anything from the menu that appears, just wait. I don't know why it does this, but give it a shot and drop me a line.

~Mnemosyne

EDIT: Gah, it gets weirder. Apparently sometimes the songs work if you double-click them and then count to ten. Other times you double-click them and wait until next year and nothing comes out. That's when you should try right-clicking. Wait a further ten seconds. If When that doesn't work feel free to throw it out the window. Cheers, love.

DOUBLE EDIT: Well, that one died fast.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire

Fourth time lucky?

~Mnemosyne

EDIT: Of course, no such luck...

Hijack from Chronos (Sorry for the hijack!) --
Double edit: OMFG THE PLAYLIST LOADED. Problem: Nothing is playing. Take a look, Mnem.

Strike three, you're out.

Nope, doesn't work either. It must be a Flash issue. -scowls-

~Mnemosyne

FlashWidgetz.com

Hurrah.

Hopefully, a music player that will work.
Mnem, test it out. Lemme know when.

Warning: Music is freaking loud.

Close but no cigar. Actually, that would be an insult to all cigars everywhere

I hate am bitterly, bitterly disappointed with MixPod. Apparently that little scumbag widget to the right there won't play on a browser different to the one it was set up in. So, if one blog writer is using IE and the other Firefox (which is the case here), then the little turd playlist won't do what it's fookin' supposed to do play for either one or the other. Resulting in a lot of yelling, striking things out and threatening castration on various members of the programming community deep, meditative breathing. -goes on a groin-kicking rampage- -takes deep meditative breaths-

What really bugs me is that nowhere can I find someone categorically stating this. Any of this. Except, you know, the crossed-out bits, although strictly speaking they don't even exist here. Seriously, nowhere. Not on the MixPod site forums and not on any other blogs. Bloody wonderful, technology is; we're capable of creating perfectly equal-opportunity security threats but we can't sort out a simple Flash music player. For God's sake, get a life and do something about the level of crap on the Internet before I cut off your balls with a spiked butter knife cut off your balls with a rusty spiked butter knife. Thank you.

~Mnemosyne

My God it works. O_o

So I decide to get my own attempt in at the MixPod fiasco, and what do you know--it works. Well, it works for me. Here's hoping it works for everyone else as well. -raises glass of grape juice-

Happy listening. Apologies for the load time as it apparently pulls these tracks off YouTube. Don't forget to unplug the stereo if it's two in the morning and your parents are asleep in the room next door. -downs the grape juice-

Yum.

~Mnemosyne

Wait, what?

Where did the "edit post" button go? You know, the one shaped like a pencil that sits quietly at the end of every entry? I can't find it anywhere, which is disturbing, because there is a giant beaver sitting behind me right now and I can see what looks like yellow slivers in its teeth. I smell something fishy. Or maybe it's just the beaver, I dunno.

Anyways, I can still edit existing posts using the creatively named "Edit Posts" function, but I liked that little pencil. I hope the beaver spits it back out soon.

~Mnemosyne

Virtual money = the root of all virtual evil

Well.

I've just remembered that my paid membership at Writing.com expires on the 31st of July. I have almost precisely the same amount of GPs in my account as it takes to purchase a 12-month Basic membership (same as I'm on right now), but it would take me a hell of a long time to make that much money up again, plus I don't know whether I'm going to be writing much over the next year or so.

I've been a member of WDC for roughly two and a half years now; I won an Upgraded membership in a contest, scraped up enough money to continue it for six months, and then lapsed into a Basic membership for a year. And now it's come to this. Funny thing is, I've gone through that entire period of time without committing a single cent of actual money to this site. One of the things I love about WDC is that their virtual money (Gift Points, or GPs) is not exceedingly difficult to come by if you're good at writing, or mediocre at writing, or really really enthusiastic at reviewing (funnily enough they have a review reward system which I messed around with for a while before deciding that I didn't have enough of a stomach for criticizing other peoples' work), or, you know, really good at conning a few bucks out of naive folks. End product being me having more cash on the site than I do in real life. Odd, innit?

But back to the problem. Will I or won't I? I don't anticipate being active much there, other than to screw around in the I&Os with my friends and maybe enter the occasional contest or two. And if that strange and useless story I'm working on ever gets finished (hell, as if anything I write ever gets an ending of any sort) then maybe--maybe--it will be unfortunate enough to end up in my port where people can stare at it for a bit before pulling a random number out of their ass and giving me that many stars and a few words of encouragement but zip to nada sentences of actual constructive criticism--

If it sounds like I hate the site, then fine. If it sounds like I love it, fine as well, because I probably do.

-stares at membership purchase screen-

Eh, what the hell. -clicks-

The email tells me I've now got one Basic membership expiring the 31st of August 2011. Which comes out to 199,550 GPs down the drain.

But see, this is what's nice about having your own little cache of virtual money. You can waste it any goddamn way you like.

~Mnem- "No, I'm not bitter. Why do you ask?" -osyne

What's in a name? (Or, The Great Big Parentheticalicious Post)

I like how Chronos has been recommending websites left and right. No, I'm not being sarcastic. DeviantArt is fantastic and I'm in the process of signing up for FictionPress right now (shut up Chronos or I'll stuff a sock up your nose) but that's not why I'm writing this post. Well, not all of it.

I like to write. ("No shet." -- Chronos.) I'm usually pretty good okay-ish at coming up with neat, non-offensive character names that:

a) are appropriate for the story (hey you! Historical fanfic writer! You don't get girls called Chrissy in the 1800s!);

b) clearly distinguish whether said character is male or female (one of Elton John's cooler love songs is "Nikita", which sounds innocuous enough to the modern Westernized ear until you consider that not only is Elton John flamingly and openly gay--which does not in any way affect how freakin' awesome this man is--but, to augment the "Why didn't I think of it earlier"-ness, Nikita in the original Russian is a man's name);

c) are not clichéd or plagiariffic (LOL) or blatantly connotative in any way (for God's sake, stop naming every cutesy wannabe kid spy Insertyuppienamehere Bond);

and d) aren't so similar to the other in-story characters' names that the entire thing reads like an extended version of Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Jeff, Bob, Bob, Bob--

-takes a breath-

--so yes, I am usually fairly good at coming up with names, but not this time.

-pause-

I need help.

Okay, here's the gist of the problem. There are two main characters--a man and a woman. I have their first names sussed out and I am determined to hang onto them if it kills me, so no suggestions for that arena. However, their last names are proving a bit of a hitch, because while they sound fairly catchy (if I say so myself) on their own, they are too similar to each other for my (and probably any reader's) comfort.

So as of now, the dissatisfactory names are June Halliday and Stetson Faraday. One of them needs to be switched out so I don't end up with a pair of rhyming niblets (given that it's a murder mystery, rhyming niblets are most definitely what I am not aiming for). In a pinch I'd have to say that the male name is the one I am most fond of and least willing to change; June is alright in and of itself, and I'm already quite attached to it, but she can't be a Halliday anymore. Shame, but that's how it goes.

Basically I'd be very very grateful if you could help me come up with a new last name for the psycho June. Guidelines: no rhyming with Faraday, no rhyming with June, no rhyming with Stetson, and no salad.

Ready, set, ... LOOK A DONKEY! ... what?




Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Gee, as long as you promise to help me, I guess, but I'm calling you out if all your suggestions are donkey-themed.

~Mnemosyne

DeviantArt: Where ART meets Application!

... says the tagline next to the website title. I don't know what it means. Personally, I think something more unoriginal is DeviantArt: The Power of... a Second Imagination (No, I'm not copping-out from my Fanfiction post or my O'er an Irish Pot of Gold post... why do you ask?) !
Ugh. I had to put a space between that exclamation mark and question mark. They look so... inharmonious together.
I'm getting off track here!
DeviantArt is for, as the title suggests, art. I have no idea where the Deviant came from, but artists there are affectionately dubbed 'Deviants', which suggests to me that this website came from the dark side, where they have many good cookies (No, I have not been influenced by any shirts, why do you ask?).
DeviantArt (yes, I will link it every time I mention it) is home to both fan and original arts. It's like fanfiction and fictionpress combined... except it's art! Categories include Digital art, Photography (where egotistical Deviants post many, many pictures of themselves -- Photoshopped, of course), film, animation, drawings, even LITERATURE (surprised here) -- well, yeah, basically whatever is counted as art. What's neat about this website is that you can print a piece of art you are viewing onto a custom made mug / shirt / whatever!
... you know, I really can't say much about this website and be snarky in the process. Damn.
I'm a Deviant there myself. Of course, that's if you count the fact that I make no a few tremendous contributions to the community by not posting any artwork.
My habits aside, there are some very talented artists there. Check it out.
Edit: Agh, how could I forget. I should post a picture of the kind of work you CAN find in DeviantArt.
This one really caught my eye - it is by Deviant Ravenari (if you wish for me to remove it, I will).

 Pretty, isn't it? Click on it to enlarge. This belongs to Ravenari. Do you hear me?

-Chronos "I think the Deviants will begin a witch hunt soon... for who? Guess."

P.S. Damn. I hope that Fanfiction, Fiction Press, and DeviantArt are happy - I just did free advertising for them! Well, sort of.

Music Player - MixPod.com

Well, it turns out that I wasted one night looking for a media playlist to embed into Ferret Gun. Wasted? Why, you ask?
Note to self: Next time, just ask Mnem to look for it. 
I slept at effing 1 am trying to get all sorts of players to work - streaming, embedding from other websites - and to think everything was in this one site - MixPod.com. It's damn cool. Check it out.

No, I am not bitter, no matter how much it seems like it.
A few things about this player --

• The volume is set really low so as not scare people away from Ferret Gun. Turn up your computer volume to listen to the songs! It is on autostart, meaning, it will begin as soon as you open up Ferret Gun.
• We include not only English, but Japanese songs as well. The playlist has a function that will allow you to skip over things, so do not fret if you do not like some of the songs.
• The playlist is 13 songs long. The original list was 21, but we cut it down for both our sakes and yours as well (if there are any requests to see the full list, it is just an addition of Linkin Park and Simple Plan -- nothing too big). 

Track List

1. Check Yes Juliet by We the Kings
2. Your Call by Secondhand Serenade
3. Farewell Farewell by Mary Black
4. Sakura by Ikimono Gakari
5. Ichiban no Takaramono by Girls Dead Monster
6. Alchemy by Girls Dead Monster
7. My Song by Girls Dead Monster
8. Dirty Little Secret by the All-American Rejects
9. Move Along by the All-American Rejects
10. Parting Song by Kajiura Yuki
11. You Found Me by the Fray
12. Over my Head (Cable Car) by the Fray
13. How to Save a Life by the Fray

Currently, since the site that produces the playlist is being retarded, this function will be wonky until I upload every single song I want to use. 
This was a win website... until now.
Go to this extremely helpful post to figure out what I am trying to do if you want to do it for yourself.
Yay, it works now! :)
WELCOME TO FERRET GUN, NINJA MP3 PLAYER.

-Chronos

Continuing the penguiny trend...

Epic stuff. Unfortunately, my paralysing fear limited knowledge of HTML has prevented me from centering the little bugger, so I apologize for the uncharacteristic leftiness of the GIF.

~Mnemosyne

EDIT: Nvm, Chronos centred it for me. Nice of her.

Romeo and Juliet: Failed! -- Act I, Scene One

Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

by Chronos and Mnemosyne 

Based on: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

No fish were hurt in the production of Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

Mnem and I have finally managed to bother pulling off the lines from our chat history on MSN, which brings you the first act and first scene of our Romeo and Juliet parody!

Disclaimer: We do not own Romeo and Juliet. Kindly do NOT be offended by the script or the fact that we are parodying Romeo and Juliet -- teenagers need something to do, you know? Also, we do not own Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Click the link below to enjoy the first Act, first Scene of Romeo and Juliet: Failed!

Edit: The complete post has been added to the Romeo and Juliet: Failed! tab. The links of all complete scenes will be found there as we add them (click on the epic orange title!).
 

Recreating Mnem's dinner in 8 easy steps (with helpful hints in parentheses!)

Ingredients:

1 live salmon
1 bucket of full cream milk
1 vat of freshly cooked al dente tagliatelle (it's the long thin flat pasta, for those of you who are sadly unversed in the mystical art of traditional Italian cuisine; and al dente just means that it's slightly undercooked so as to be a bit tough and EXTREMELY tasty)
3 cups of squid ink
1 buffalo
242 grains of salt
7 grains of pepper

1.Take your salmon and drown it in the bucket of milk. (No, I don't know how you drown a fish. Tape its gills shut, perhaps? Write back when you're done, I've got this giant catfish in my swimming pool that I need to persuade to move out.)
2. While the fish expires, take your tagliatelle and your squid ink and combine in a large cooking pot. (A dramatically bubbling pewter cauldron is a nice touch, but not necessary. Neither are three ugly sisters, Shakespearian verses, or a gouged-out newt.)
3. Apply an industrial blender to the bucket with the dead salmon. (Apply it copiously and evenly twice a day in affected areas. Warning: unsuitable for small children and those with allergies. No, I'm not reading from my medicated cream bottle, why do you ask?)
4. When salmon and milk have been thoroughly blendered, combine with inked tagliatelle in cooking pot/cauldron and stew for several hours. (You'll NEED several hours when you see step 5.)
5. Now we're going to make our very own parmesan cheese from scratch! Firstly, milk buffalo. Heat stored milk in ludicrously gigantic vats (we're assuming you've got dozens of buffalo on the side) and introduce whey to kick-start the curdling process. Let the curd mature until it reaches a pH of about 4.95. When the desired pH level has been achieved, "spin" the curd by pouring hot water out onto it, and then shape it with a special rotating shaper machine (or, you know, you could just ask a few cash-strapped teens to come in and breakdance on the curd for half an hour). Cool the shaped cheese in cold water and pickle it by immersing in its original whey. Finally, cut out a few chunks, seal them in nice packages and you've got yourself some fresh... mozzarella? Oh dear. Well, since we've got this far and you're probably pretty hungry by now, just pop over to the supermarket and pick up a pack of pre-grated Parmesan. (What you do with the buffalo is entire up to you. We recommend a slow roast with some baked potatoes on the side... jeez, we're kidding, we're kidding, a'ight? Sheesh.)
6. Uh, where were we? -Chronos looks up from newspaper and shrugs- Well. I'm impressed that you've gone this long without a bathroom break, so off you go to the porcelain throne. Lads, don't forget to put the toilet seat back down or I'll set the buffalo on you.
7. Now that you're back, we can proceed. Extract the inked pasta and mashed fish from the cooking pot/cauldron, remove any magical spells and enchanted detritus that may be found in that tangled mess and drop on a plate. Garnish with some Parmesan and the 242 grains of salt and 7 grains of pepper. (What happens if you don't put in exactly that amount of condiment? You will get kicked in the face by karma. Or one of your buffalo. I don't really care, so long as you get taught a lesson for daring to question the Almighty Goddess of Irrelevent Stuff.)
8. Serve.

~Mnemosyne

Fanfiction: The Power of Imagination

It took me a while, but I finally stopped walking into trees poles over-sized cheese graters thinking, starting with throwing aside all rational thought to bring you this post.
Firstly, most of you people who probably have a life and don't constantly browse the Internet might not have heard of the site named Fanfiction.net. That's right, click on it...
Damn. I really thought I got their tag line right. Fine. It's Fanfiction - Unleash your Imagination now. I can't strikeout the title so deal with it, because I'm not bothered to place my hand on the mouse, which is currently trying to bite my fingers off -- no, I do not have an overactive imagination. It would be nice if we had real mice as mice though. You know what I mean?
... probably not, since I appear to be babbling nonsensically most half of the time. Onward with the boring introduction in a sad attempt to get you to join!
Fanfiction is a neat little site, see? Fanfictions, firstly, are stories based on ideas that already exist because the authors there cannot be bothered to come up with their own ideas are fanatical followers of a certain book / comic / anime / etc. like the idea of events happening that might not have occurred in the original base's storyline. For example -- take Leverage, a TV series of pure awesomeness. Go read the link I provided for you if you don't know what it is. Of course, it goes to say that if you do not know about Leverage, you are full of pure FAIL- yes, I have a tendency to insult people unintentionally.
Have you read the article? Good. Take Nate and Sophie. You could switch their pasts in a fanfiction, if you so wish. Hell, do what you want! Explicit content included! You have the freedom to do what you wish with the storyline, the characters - go kill off a few of them, some people would like to see those kind of ideas!
Fanfiction is a world domination plot just waiting to happen, after all. You wouldn't want to miss out on it, hm?

-Chronos "Yes, I write on Fanfiction too"

P.S. Fanfiction has a sister / brother / sibling site named FictionPress.com. I wouldn't know if they were created by the same people, but the layout looks pretty damn close. FictionPress is for ORIGINAL WORKS ONLY. A place where Mnem should go someday soon.
P.P.S. Romeo and Juliet: Failed will soon be updated!
P.P.P.S. About Mnem's cryptic post prior, a tragedy has befallen someone we know. I might talk more of it on a later date.

"I do not approve of murder." -- Hercule Poirot

Another member of our Ferret Gun family who is neither ferret, gun, nor ferret gun, nor a pixellated version of a tubby penguin that Mnem labels 'Mad'. Well, he is kind of cute. Poke the Penguin FTW. Sorry Mad.

Take THAT, Mnem! The longest post title you have ever seen! I'm not particularly bothered to count up the words because I'm just a lazy ass that way. Stop having no life and posting so much! I don't have a good track record 'nymore. :<
Well, since Mnem decided to go ahead and post a picture and introduce my homicidal, adorable Mad since I was passed out on the floor drunk on soft ice-cream from Japan, apparently, I have to do it for her not-as-adorable, not-as-homicidal cyber pet just because the writer's block coincidentally dropped like a durian from the sky and impaled on her head. The plot bunny certainly got a kick out of that one. (Besides, does the durian even get attached to the head or just leave a flesh wound or two before detaching itself, taking some chunks of the brain with it, leaving Mnem in a vegetative state?) 

Hi. Yes, Mnem's C.A.T has a tendency to stare down everyone who looks upon it, making it the feline version of our lovable Medusa. Minus the snakes. And the fur. And the whiskers. Etc etc. Though, a cat hybrid Medusa? -snickers- C.A.T = Yes, unoriginal and a cop-out, but that's what we did for P.E.N.G.U.I.N, otherwise known as Pen Excalibur Nomad Guin Umbrella Ink Ninja = Coraline Avatar Titanic. Correct me if I'm wrong.
So, basically, this cat has the destiny of finding a parallel world where all cats have button eyes, in addition to becoming an oddly colored ambassador for a planet a few hundred thousand whatever light years away before becoming a ship and sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
Wow, C.A.T, or Corrie, certainly has its future cut out for it.
And before I forget...

Mnem says: -throttles-
Chronos says: Stop throttling Corrie.
Chronos says: ANIMAL ABUSE!
Chronos says: MAD, READY AND AIM!
Mnem says: NOT HER, MORON.
Mnem says: YOU.
Mnem says: -chokes-
Chronos says: Stop choking yourself.
Chronos says: What's wrong with you?
Mnem says: -facepalm-
Mnem says: -throttles-
Chronos says: Did you know that ostriches have suicidal tendencies?
Chronos says: Therefore, it makes you an ostrich.
Mnem says: Yes, I knew that.
Mnem says: And I am not an ostrich.
Mnem says: -peck-

Who's not an ostrich now, eh? Go get her, Corrie!
-cricket chirps-
... go get 'em, Mad! -plops a shotgun in Mad's hands -- flippers -- whatever-

-Chronos 'W00T! Carnage and destruction!'
Edit: Since the chat box interface thingy is sort of kind of kind of very goddamn useless, it goes poof. :D

Soccerriffic! or, Death By A Tragic Overdose On Doubled Consonants

So. This is it. The big one. The final battle of this strangely fascinating war--the final match between giants. Spain versus the Netherlands at one in the morning. I'm half contemplating not staying up to watch it, although my family will probably forgive me shortly after never.

Why? Because I don't really care, I guess. I mean I picked teams as favourites and I got all het up when they lost and I screamed during matches (see this post) and I stayed up late to watch the ludicrously timed ones and I went all weird and philosophical about this entire nest of worries (see this post) and I felt the need after the second week to strangle the person who ever thought up vuvuzelas--but, you see, I normally wouldn't. If you had talked to me two months earlier I'd have called you crazy for suggesting I'd do these kinds of things. After all, it's soccer. Just soccer. I thumbed my nose at sports fans and felt smug that I would never fall prey to such primitive idolatry.

And then June rolled by and South Africa put on its show, and it was like I had never not been a soccer fan. I did all those stupid things and then I wrote about them (equally stupid if you ask me) and now I'm going to feel bad about it for the next couple of months. Because I liked it. I liked the whole shebang, the dysfunctional tournament which was by turns glitzy and washed-up, smart and clueless, knuckle-bitingly intense and channel-flipping boring. I liked being part of something that the rest of the world was feeling too, the way it gives you a nice warm feeling when you stand up and start clapping and all the other folks in the theatre or the auditorium or the stadium do too. I'd go so far as to say that I liked the feeling of belonging with other people, except that makes me sound emo, and Chronos will start laughing uncontrollably again like she does whenever I embarrass myself.

Make that Ms Schadenfreude.

Oh gods, I've started on another rant. This was meant to be a short post! Okay, look, you know, this is not going to end well if I just keep bursting into a tirade every time I bring up the World Cup, so I will amputate this entry RIGHT HERE on the dotted line and sew it back together. (To use a not so inappropriate surgical metaph--dammit, forgot the anaesthesia again. Bit too late for that, then. Nurse! Hold down the patient while I get out the crucible tongs and the chainsaw!)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [cut here] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Well. That turned out better than I hoped. Patient survived, didn't he? Although I'm sorry about his vegetable state. Can't have everything, I suppose.

As an impartial observer I would like to wish the best of luck to both teams. May the one with the most goals scored fairly win. And if not, may the side with the more creative instances of fouling (I'm thinking nude streakers and something involving live chickens) take the Cup home and display it with pride.

~Mnemosyne

PS. Just kidding about the impartial bit, because Netherlands will win.
Spain can go suck it.

EDIT: Damn, they lost.

Yet another new member of FerretGun who is neither ferret, nor gun, nor ferret gun, nor a stylistic representation of an anthropomorphic fermented soybean curd

On behalf of Chronos (who is out pillaging something, I suppose) I would like to intruduce, for your viewing pleasure, Pen Excalibur Nomad Gwin Umbrella Ink Ninja.

Or you could just call him Mad.

Adorable, isn't he? Just makes you want to cuddle him and squish him and hug him and smother him with looooove--but wait, what's this sign?

But he's so kyoot~! What could he possibly do to us? Snuggle us to death? Maybe chirp at us. Or waddle at us. Bwahaha, we'd be chirped to death by penguins. That'd make for a funky epitaph. But seriously, what could this adorable little pixellated blob do to us?

Well let's find out shall we? -menacing smile- If you would just position your hand here... and now poke.

Regrettable. But you know what they say: the gene pool ain't gonna winnow itself, lads.

~Mnemosyne

Facebook stalking 101

Time for an experiment.

In one tab, I have open the wonderful digital black hole that is Facebook. In another, I have open our list of Greek pseudonyms for all those people unfortunate privileged enough to know us. I will confess that I have kept touch with only a few of them since summer began, and I have no idea where most of them are or even if they're still alive. But that is about to change. Through the magical and multiple stalkerish options provided by FB, I will proceed to track down everybody on this list (whom I have added) and tell you approximately where they are. (If you're getting worried, then good. This is my job. -smirk-)

Girls

• Lyssa.
• She's back here after a perilously boring trip back to her home country. Honestly, to judge by the email communiqués she'd send out during said trip you'd think that she was being held there against her will. (Come to think of it, she probably was.)
• Eusebia
• India. She told me. A few days ago. I didn't cheat.
• Eirene
• Still here. I had to go dig through a completely and irreversibly corrupted somewhat heavily spammed message thread in my FB inbox to find this. Methe's "I fuck camels" spiel is getting old, by the way.
• Methe
• I think she's in India. To be honest I don't want to read more of her messages/wall posts than I have to. That girl scares me.
• Neikea
• Quick, to the land of tall people, fluoro orange, and cheese! For that is where we may find our soccer-loving quarreller.
• Polyhymnia (we need to give her a nickname. It's a pain to write her current one. Like a tongue twister for the fingers, I swear.)
• She be in her home city of ze Merlion. On a completely unrelated note, my grammar just died. Not to mention my spelling. -cough-
• Hestia
• How the hell should I know? She just drops out of existence when the school year ends. Seriously. She has this whole other dimension purely for the summer and winter holidays. Yes, I have categorical proof of this, and no, I'm not showing you what it is.
• Euphrosyne
• I do believe she has settled into her new home in Japan already. Although she sounds a bit lonely. Poor girl.
• Lycorias
• Two things. One, I have no idea if she's here. And two, I plugged something written on her wall in Finnish into Google Translate and the results have probably scared me away from that country for life.
• Thalia
• In Japan. This without any Google Translate either. Good timing on her part.
• Concordia
• Sorry, but I don't have her on FB yet :-S 

Boys

• Atlas
• Mr Tall Snarky Moron is in the US. I hope he chokes on his popcorn. Just kidding, actually, 'cos that would deprive me and Chronos of the pleasure of choking him ourselves. -smirk-
• Mania
• Don't have him added. I attempted to stalk him through his wall-to-wall with Lethe but the bastard has set his privacy level. What a bad time to be Internet-savvy.
• Lethe
• I suppose he's back. He carried on a convo with one of his NY friends about how a certain movie isn't playing "here" yet. Since the American girl was complaining about how said movie was of excretory quality, I'm willing to bet that "here" refers to... well... here.

Cower in awe at my awesome FB stalking skills. Well, some of it was luck. And some of it was just plain obvious. But some of it was stalkerishness. -wink-

Have a nice summer and stay away from the sharks.

-splash splash chomp-

~Mnem- "ARGH ARGH ARGH GET IT OFF ME" -osyne

5 Things to Do When...

Your computer dies 3 - 4 times in succession for absolutely no reason at all -

1. Begin throwing Pocky boxes or nearby objects at your cousin who is snoozing on the sofa after watching the Nancy Drew movie.
2. Start slapping whatever surface you are leaning on whilst cursing fate.
3. Grab any nearby game console and start viciously yelling when the most important button to the game starts malfunctioning.
4. Pace for a few minutes and start to wonder how the hell you are going to survive without your game consoles and laptop.
5. Abuse any nearby musical instrument - pissing people off is your desired result. No musical instruments? Improvise.

Yes, those are the five extremely vital measures I took when my computer died for no reason at all 3 - 4 times in succession.
Step 1: Yes, pocky boxes. It was such a shame to throw them too; they were foldable in panda and penguin shapes! I do hope my cousin didn't crush them when she revived from her half-dead doze on the sofa (Yes, I'm more concerned for the welfare of easily destroyed and disposable pocky boxes than my cousin). We just happened to be watching Nancy Drew (the beginning of which I happened to ignore in favor of my lovable, reliable -gags- laptop).
Step 2: Well, who wouldn't? I would like to also mention that the same morning, the computer shut down in the middle of a VERY important anime's finale. Mnem, you should know - that is UNFORGIVABLE.
Step 3: First, I picked up my Playstation Portable. That didn't work. It was out of power, and I had to reset the system. After I did that, I began viciously failing at Rock Band - Everlong by Foo Fighters on Expert level. That did not end nicely. Next, I picked up my DS which was near dying due to the abuse on my Hokkaido trip. Revived it by plugging it in. Started playing Rune Factory. The 'L' button, very important to the game, began malfunctioning. Responded by cursing fate before finally turning it off.
Step 4: I ended up guzzling my bottle of Mountain Dew which was nearby, as well as bustling to the kitchen for a nice cream puff. Needless to say, the puff nearly exploding in my face did not help to alleviate my bad mood. It was a damn good cream puff though.
Step 5: I ran to the piano and started thumping out the Moonlight Sonata Hamster Style. My cousin, who was already sleepily annoyed from the Pocky attack and being dragged out by my mother several hours earlier, was NOT amused. Dragged out by my mother -> going to her mother's office -> lunch with relatives who do not know when to stop putting food on our plates even though we had insisted that if they fed us any more, they'd end up with a design of half digested meat in their hair (in the metaphorical realm, of course) -> forced to act as pack mules when we told them we wanted to leave early (Grandmother's food stuffs).
Yeah, today has been nuts.
... did I mention my younger cousin, who just returned home, is using my ass as a stepladder to reach a higher cupboard?
Edit: Yes, my computer died in the middle of me writing this post. WTF.


-Chronos "Fk my computer's going to die again"

Nasal alert! 7 things that I...

... like the smell of:

- Honey. ("Buzz," said the bee, as it pollinated the flower.)
- Fresh grass. ("Buzz," said the lawnmower, as it razed the flower and guillotined the bee.)
- The sea.
- Burnt sugar. (Unfortunately, it's more of a hey-what's-cooking?-Oh.-It's-you scent than a dab-on-your-wrist-[of-all-places!-Isn't-the-world-odd?]-and-smell-nice-for-the-evening scent. And I think I just killed the dash. Oops.)
- Books.
- Baked goods straight out of the oven.
- Woolly jumpers. (Call it nostalgia for those few fleeting childhood years in the Northern Hemisphere.)

... hate the smell of:

- Petrol. (Or is it diesel? Never stuck around long enough to find out. The fumes make me dizzy.)
- Bleach.
- That funny, punguent, musty smell in badly-kept museums. (This is related to the woolly jumpers one above... when I was a child in France, we lived in a village near the Chateau de Versailles, and it was a pretty popular day trip in both my parents' minds and the minds of my school. I must have gone there at least five times in two years. Anyways, the interior of the chateau is still stocked largely with the exact same furniture that played grace to King Louis XVI, and even if you were skeptical as only a little child can be you'd have to admit that it sure as hell smelled like it.)
- The plug-in mosquito repellant gizmos.
- Airplane cabins. (Which is why I steal half the magazines on offer on the way to my seat, so I can bury myself in them until takeoff and forget about the stink. Doesn't make me terribly popular with the rest of the passengers, though. But screw them Which is a bit of a shame.)
- Chlorine.
- Unwashed PE uniforms. Oh dear God no.

~Mnemosyne

Only If You Videotape It: "Win 'Haha' Sites" continued

I feel obligated to expand on Chronos' site picks, specifically the Cheezburger.com one. Like she said, we're both teenagers, so if you get offended easily by bad taste and risqué puns then maybe you kinda shouldn't be here. -winks-

I Can Has Cheezburger? The original site, stuffed with cute/funny cat pictures that border on the inhumane. I still remember a time when it was a free-standing webpage with none of this ICHC network thing going on. Of course, that was back in early 2007 or something, which might as well be in the Victorian era as far as the Internet is concerned.

Very Demotivational. For snarkier fare than lolcats can offer, this is the place to go. I've pulled a couple of blog pictures off of there, including the (infamous?) "next time just buy the goddamn cookies" pic from waaaaay back in May.

Crazy Things Parents Say. Except it's not just parents, it's the whole gamut of relations--I've even seen ones about girlfriends' dads or sisters' boyfriends and the like. Sample quote:

Me: I don’t see why I can’t have innocent sleepovers with boys.
Dad: I don’t want you having sex with boys!
Me: But I can have sleepovers with girls… is sex with girls OK?
Dad: Only if you videotape it and I get a share of the profits.

Historic LOLs. In my humble opinion it's one of the best new sites on the ICHC network, and since it specializes in Ye Olde Pictures and Ye Olde Inside Jokes it tends to come off as a bit more arcane (and well-punctuated, ye gods) than the other sites.

Failbook. Bringing you the absolute best and worst of Facebook. You start losing faith in the online presence of sentient beings after a couple of pages. But then there's the odd "win" one, so that's alright. -huddles in corner sucking thumb-

Learn From My Fail. Stupid things people do. A bit of a happier, trust-me-on-this atmosphere than FML, though, and you usually don't need brain bleach afterwards. -underlines "usually"- No promises, mate.

Pundit Kitchen. Political humour that doesn't make you want to wince. Try searching for "Putin" and you will never look at the Russian PM the same way again. Oh, and the ones about Biden. Maybe one day I'll do a PK special...

Art of Trolling. More online WTF; despite the official web page name of "Chatroulette Trolls", the featured pictures tend to have a fairly even balance between the aforesaid Chatroulette, Yahoo! Answers, Omegle, and sometimes the occasional (hacked) Wikipedia page. Attention! Attention! NOT safe for work! NOT SAFE FOR WORK! You have been warned. -dimples-

Hacked IRL. For the non-savvy chunk of our nonexistent audience, IRL means in real life, and hacked means... well, if you don't know what hacked means then you'd better scuttle back to your Commodore 64s before you hurt yourself on the Internet. (Here, have a Band-Aid. Don't touch the motherboard.) For everyone else, Hacked IRL is the result of pranksters exercising digital tomfoolery on the real world. Expect graffiti. Lots of graffiti. Hell, my MSN icon came from that site. Can you tell I'm fond of it? Huh, thought not.

~Mnemosyne

Dora the Explorer makes a Comeback! Win "Haha" Sites!

You know, I've just realized I haven't posted any of the things I've said I would post in my "And O'er the Irish Pot of Gold" post. I believe Mnem has done a few of them? -rechecks- Never mind.

I bring you Win Sites.
Since I'm in the 'Haha' kind of mood, I'll give you the most popular websites to have a good laugh, ranging from kids who don't know any better to the wise elderly. I am a teenager though, so bear in mind my take on these are strictly limited by cliques and sites that people just know about (so basically, unless you are a teenager, it's useless reading this post. Hooray for contradictions.).

FMLife.com - The place for you complaining lot.
I say it is for complainers, and it is true. It is also good for people who are sadistic and like laughing at other people's misery (which is, essentially, what everyone who goes to that site does unless they are trying to post). Make sure to check the "you deserved it" box to really leave some icing on the cake. That aside, you can really read that thing for hours. Other people's misery is really good for forgetting your own, you know?

ICanHazCheezburger.com - The place for you visual learning lot. But... do you really learn?
A wonderful database and collection of fail photos taken by people around the globe with no life who happened to get lucky taking a picture which had a possibility of being a hit with the addition of a mere subtitle. Home to people such as cat lovers who love torturing their cats by making them wear clothes that are way too small for them or attacking them with ferrets and people who are masochists who just love getting hurt a lot, browse the different categories and you'll surely end up with something stupid that will make you laugh.
They are so powerful that Mnem and I can just send each other links of fail pictures for 20 minutes without getting bored. Now that's saying something.

IBQuotes.com - The place for them suicidal juniors or seniors.
If you're in High School completing IB, there is no way in hell you will not know about this website. Brought to you by teenagers who are up shit creek in the same boat as you are, this website provides damnably true quotes about the hell of IB - ranging from teachers who can't understand when enough is enough to procrastinating by posting quotes when you're supposed to be working. Well, we all get distracted sometimes.

MyLifeIsAverage.com - The place for you lot who are sick of FML.
Well, it could also be the other way around. Filled to the brim with stories that are just so goddamned epic, you turn to MLIA after your sides hurt from laughing too much at FML posts. Some of these are just "aw" or "damn", which is a good breather before returning to laugh at FML.
Yeah, this isn't good for much except to stop looking at FML for a few moments. But honestly, some of these are great.

My brother plays World of Warcraft and found out you could get the title of "the Explorer" in the game. He changed his character's name to Dora so he would be seen as Dora the Explorer. He's 17. MLIA

Hell yeah.
If you're in my timezone and are looking at the post time, yeah, fine, it's almost 12 am in the morning. Can't sleep. Haven't posted in a while though, so this is a good time for it.
Do you notice I'm not posting anything about the World Cup? :D

-Chronos

I rest my case.

"Please don't kill each other... please don't kill each other..."

I catch myself muttering this every so often. It's not a common occurrence, especially when compared to how many times I shout this out instead:

"Ohmigod, he's got the ball. Moron. They're gonna regret this."
-pause-
"Dammit he's circling! No, he has the ball! Round him off you fools! ROUND HIM OFF!"
-pause-
"HE'S GETTING CLOSER! KICK HIM IN THE SHIN!"
-pause-
"OH DAMN HE'S JUST PASSED THE HALFWAY LINE! KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"
-pause-
"YES YOU'VE GOT THE BALL NOW PASS IT TO SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY HAS A SHOT IN HELL OF SCORING!"
-pause-
"NO YOU MORON WHY DID YOU JUST PASS TO HIM, THE ENTIRE REST OF THE TEAM WAS OPEN AND YOU PASS TO HIM--"
-pause-
"YOU BLOODY IMBECILE! WHO PUT YOU ON THE TEAM?! I KNOW KINDERGARTNERS WHO CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU! I KNOW HARMONICAS THAT CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU! SHET, I KNOW NORTH KOREANS WHO CAN PLAY BETTER THAN YOU! YOU BELONG ON THE SUBSTITUTE BENCH IN HELL, YOU TURF-LICKING COWPAT!"
-pause-
"Feck, he scored."

~Mnemosyne

World Cup. Warning: may cause fever, dizziness, eyebags, rashes, double vision, tunnel vision, Kabelvision, nasal twanging, patriotic fervour, bad taste in soccer jerseys, loss of bowel control, and death

In general, I am not a sports fan. I don't understand much of the terminology (what the hell is a handicap?), or the rules (isn't it illegal to kick him there?), or the traditions (why do they line up with a bunch of little kids before starting a match?). I don't know many of the players, I get the teams mixed up, and I have decided on sheer impulse that the day I watch more than two minutes of a cricket match is the day I drink a mixture of lemonade and black powder and set myself on fire with a scented candle. So I guess you could say that sports and I don't have a terribly healthy relationship. In fact I could shoot it in the head and attend the funeral with no ill feeling.

But every four years, I suspend the apathy (or, in cricket's case, antipathy) towards the whole realm of physical fitness and get my game face on. Those are the years when the world drops its dramas, its follies, its trivial fits of military action, and tunes its TVs to whichever poor country is hosting the global tourney/bloodfest that is the FIFA World Cup. This year, it's South Africa. Make no mistake, I think it's a marvelous honour for a country so bitterly divided for so many years to be playing host to the one sports event (take that, Summer Olympics) that truly brings the seven continents together. But I can't love anything without feeling bitter about it. So that's my confession about it all--I love you, World Cup, I really do, but at the same time I think you're a hilarious scrobble of overblown patriotism, a colossal sinkhole of international funds... and a touchingly clumsy reminder of why humanity is not doomed after all.

Let's get this out of the way. The World Cup is stupid, stupid with a capital S except that makes me look dyslexic. It's volatile and it doesn't make sense, and there's much not to like. Crappy ball? Explained away as "too perfect". (Right.) Lacklustre teams? Oh, it's just the altitude. Spectacularly bad ref'ing? Nothing new there, but there have been some real horrible bombshells in the past month. And, dear God, let us not talk about the cost, because every single penny or cent or whatever currency it is you people hitch your lives to that goes into the execution of this global indulgence is money that won't be going towards saving lives, or bettering lives in any way save for some highly voluble entertainment. In short, there is much not to like about this institution, and from the way some people are going on it'd kill poverty and AIDS in one strike if we just wiped FIFA off the face of this Earth.

But I talked about hope, didn't I? The World Cup brings hope because it brings people together. It does what the Olympics tries so hard to do with the faintest of efforts: it bridges vast cultural divides and eradicates old taboos for every single moment of a 90-minute match. You can have a near-senile pensioner in the Cotswolds and a law student in Nanjing and a Hazara farmer's little daughter all cheering for the same team, the same eleven men in funny-coloured outfits running around with a terrible ball on the other side of the Earth.

I don't know of any other event that does the same thing. Not even the Olympics. And dare we dream that one day--

No. We daren't. Because this is real life. And just like that the dreaming is over and your favourite team is knocked out, your favourite player kicked in the shin or given a red card for ripping someone else's shirt into tiny little pieces. What on earth were we thinking, when we thought about peace? It's just a game, after all.

Maybe it's idealistic of me to hope that soccer can bring together a world that is already so frailly stitched together. But I would like to believe that it's possible. I'd like to believe that for an hour and a half we could suspend everything and unite. I'd like to believe it, but there's one thing in the way--the Cup itself. Because it simply doesn't make sense.

I don't know what can we make of this most secular of rituals that draws such religious fervour. I don't know what we can learn from this thing, this strange thing that burns with passion and fury and hatred--yes, hatred--and at the same time holds so close to our oh-so-human desires for peace. What can be said about this fragile microcosm of opposites, this living paradox, this wonderful angry horrible crazy incomprehensible tribute to just how much the world adores The Beautiful Game? What does it mean when we lose ourselves in the World Cup? What does it all mean?

I wish I could answer. I wish I could answer even one of these questions. But all I can do is stand on the sidelines and scream at the men who are too busy making history to listen to this little girl.

~Mnemosyne

Belated 2 month Anniversary!

OMG I SPELT ANNIVERSARY CORRECTLY. No, my self esteem is not low, as much as Mnem believes. I've just learnt not to expect too much from myself, otherwise I'll be disappointed. ;D You know, just like setting goals you'll never bother reaching, so don't set goals!
Firstly, I'd like to wish Ferret Gun, Mnem, and myself a belated two month anniversary! We have continuously posted for two months! What a great feat (urh... really...)?
... that aside, ahem... -cough-
There's a reason, Mnem, why tape cassette players get no love... especially if they are repetitive.
THEY ARE SO GODDAMNED ANNOYING. 8D

Sure, it's a little funny for a bit, but hearing the same pitch and voice and tone and static and white noise over and over and over and over again... -shotgun- Of course, I got my revenge by telling Mnem about D. Gray Man... in which I had to repetitively use some Philosopher's Stones from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood to revive her so she would listen to my complete summary. Of course, I have several more in reserve so I can go and absorb God one of these days...
Yes, I overused the 'and's. Over kill. -nurses 'and'- 
-clueless as to what to post- Well, Hokkaido was quite satisfying. If I could, I would probably want to settle down there permanently. I mean, seriously. They have really advanced bathrooms even up on a little cabin / shop in the middle of nowhere on top of a hill. Let's not forget their traditional ways are awesome -- yukatas, futons, and tatami for the win. Apparently, Mnem hates the little '--' too. Well, I like it. :P
YAKINIKU.
ALL HAIL JAPAN. ALL HAIL JAPAN! 


-Chronos